Make It Less Mundane.

Hey guys!

Sorry I missed writing to y’all yesterday, it was little busier/crazier than I thought it would be (plus, I totally forgot to bring my laptop to my grandparents’ house, and it’s just easier to blog from there).

But I just wanted to express something that’s been on my heart lately, and it’s something I even talked to one of my close friends about.

Following Jesus. Staying in the Word. Not wavering in the faith.

Truthfully, I haven’t been feeling the same when it comes to these things. I feel as if I’ve sort of hit the ceiling when it comes to this stuff. Not that I know everything there is to know about God or the Bible; I understand that I need to be growing in my faith. But I just feel like I’m not learning it in my quiet times in the morning.

Maybe it’s because I’m feeling rushed about my quiet time in the morning because lately, I’ve been getting up later than I should. Or maybe it’s because my mind is so distracted by all the things I have going on. Or maybe it’s the Enemy telling me that I’m not getting anything out of my quiet time, so, what’s the point of even doing it?

I feel like I’m in a dangerous position; I have so much I’m doing and thinking about, and I feel like I just need a couple of hours or a day away from it all to realign my focus, my purpose for why I’m doing the things I’m doing.

Things may look like they’re going great on the outside, but really, I feel like I just need Jesus to hold me right now. To assure me that He is still by my side, and is still holding my hand through everything going on right now. I believe that He is still there, but I crave to continue learning more about Him; to not be so content with where I am in my faith; to not have my time with Him every day feel so mundane, or to just see my Bible-reading time as simply a habit.

I want more faith than I have right now. Increase my faith, Lord!

#MishyWrites

💙 Mishy 🦋

#realtalk – blogging stress

I’m going to be really honest here. I’m frantically trying to write something in the last 19 minutes I have before I should probably be in bed because after last week’s crazy shenanigans, I won’t be depriving my body of the rest it needs. 

And I’m sad because I miss blogging every day and sharing my thoughts with you guys, and just writing a little something different in general. But I feel like lately, I either am rushed for time, or I don’t feel inspired, or what I’ll write here won’t be as good as what I’m writing on my own in journals or in my Notes app. 

There is some great stuff coming, I assure you. I am really excited, so excited that I’ve almost leaked everything to you all at once because I’m impatient, and I can’t pull off suspense very well. But as I’ve said before, I’m learning through all this about the importance of the process; of following the game-plan.

Which has led me to here: not blogging for like two weeks straight, and feeling guilty about it. And even somewhat stressed about it because I want to provide content for y’all, but I just feel like I can’t or shouldn’t. 

And I wanted to share this with you because even though there are a lot of awesome opportunities going on in my life right now, all the goodness doesn’t get rid of the stress. It doesn’t make all the anxiety of wanting to be a good writer disappear. It doesn’t automatically make me an author, or someone who has their brand and their ideas and dreams all together. 

No, all this just makes me human. Good opportunities are awesome, but stress still abounds. The battle may not be physical within my world of work or other things, but man, the emotional and mental side can really weigh me down. 

So, as I’ve asked you guys to do before, please pray for me. I may be abiding by the process, but that doesn’t mean the process is perfect. And it doesn’t mean that my mindset about it all is perfect either. 

I just long to do what the Lord has called me to do, and am asking for the strength to accomplish it all (not just by myself, mind you, but with the help of others!). 

I am just as excited, but also just as nervous too. Crazy how the mind, how the world works.

This worn-out writer needs to go to bed though. The week may be halfway over, but there is much to be done. 

Especially this week – my sister graduates from college this Saturday. Which means I’ve been an independent adult for basically a full year. 

Wait til you read the blog post about THAT.

#JustStartWriting

💙 Mishy 🦋

updates + a poem.

So, haha, hello? Is this thing on??

It’s definitely been a minute. More like a week. I feel like that’s been the longest I’ve gone without blogging all year. And it feels so weird. And I’m sorry for being so absent!

I have been extremely busy with some new projects, life events, social events, and work. How it’s almost the end of April is beyond me. How Easter has come and gone is crazy. How my sister is graduating from college next weekend, therefore, making it a year since I graduated college is unbelievably out-of-this-world. Time flies.

I am going to share a poem that I wrote during my two-week Twitter break. It was a poem that I was going to save for later posting, but I think it’s time to share it with you all.

It’s appropriate to share it now, I think, because as I’m preparing and working on my creative endeavors, I have to constantly remind myself that I cannot be distracted by all the things going on; I can’ even be distracted with my creative work. I can’t let all the hours of tedious typing, alignment, filming, thinking overcome my spiritual life, and bring me into the jaws of pride.

I can’t wait until everything I’m currently working on comes together so that you aren’t just exposed to the written aspect of my words, but you’ll be able to hear it in my voice, and visualize it through acting.

Coming soon. 8.5 is the magic number as of right now. #waitonit

For now, though, enjoy this poem: 

I was hesitant to let go for fear of others’ thoughts. I was scared that if I admitted I had a problem, there would be judgment, shame. I could hear the “you know better’s” and the “I thought you had it all together’s” hindering me from growing. Closing doors of opportunity without me even knowing.

I tried to run from it. Tried to pretend like everything was fine. I tried to make it seem like I wasn’t wasting my time, but I can’t run from God. I can’t hide, can’t pretend that my Maker doesn’t know what’s best for me, or isn’t on my side.

I wanted to think I could handle it all – the attention, the pressure, the admiration and love. I thought being humble about everything would be enough, but pride is sneaky; it takes many different shapes. So much so, before you know it, you’re no longer just “great,” but you’re the greatest, the best, better than the rest.

I told a friend that the battle in my mind was too clear. Spirit desired to do good, but the flesh was also near, whispering in my ear that I deserved all this. I’d worked hard, I’d been searching, seeking, waiting on God to make things abundantly clear to me.

Surely, I thought, surely, this is where I need to be. What I need to do. 

But, O God, I cannot move forward. No, not without You.

Steady my heart, Lord. Steady my mind. Take the pen in my hand and, write out my poems, my rhymes. 

It all sounds so good, God. It all feels so right.

Or so I thought, until I could no longer sleep at night. My mind began to wander, my heart unsteady still. And, finally, I could take no more, and said,

Lord, have Your will. Not mine. I’m sorry it took some time for me to obey, and see that my way was getting me nowhere.

God, I haven’t written a good few words in some days now. And I’m scared. Please don’t take this gift from me, please give me strength to use it well. Humble me now, and ready my soul so I may continue to write and tell everyone I know or come in contact with that my words are not mine, but Yours.

I plead the fifth.

Because none of it was me, no, the only thing I’m guilty of is allowing pride to swallow me, and still fool me into thinking I was good. I could handle this. I could be humble enough to manage this, but God in His grace showed me how wrong I was, and told me to get away from all the buzz, the noise that was causing me to focus more on myself than on Him.

Lord, I accept Your mercy. Please, forgive my sin.

#JustStartWriting

💙 Mishy 🦋

Easter Sunday

Tomorrow is Easter Sunday. The day in which Christians celebrate the Resurrection of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. 

Part of me felt like writing something about this day would be sort of cheesy or distasteful since so many people are writing, posting, snapping about it. And unfortunately, I feel like this day is only overlooked or watered down due to the pressure to sometimes post about what we’re wearing or doing, who we’re with, or where we are for Easter Sunday.

(I’m guilty of all this too, so in no way am I just pointing the finger at other people.)

But I just want to take a second and just breathe and think about this day.

I’ve seen two really great posts about Easter, ones that have truly reminded me of how important the past few days have been, from Good Friday until tomorrow, Easter Sunday. 

One was from a friend who reminisced on several occasions when his life could have been taken, but wasn’t, and in thinking about these things, thought of how Christ had ultimately taken his place, and given up His life to save all of us who believe in Him. My friend’s words shook me; to have that kind of perspective was extremely wise and insightful. 

The other was from another friend who expressed her frustration over how this weekend was seen sometimes as simply a Friday off of work, or the only Sunday of the year people go to church. And I admired her boldness in writing how her heart was feeling, and I also felt convicted about the things she was frustrated with, especially since this weekend I’m out of town, and not in my normal setting of going to church and such.

I want to thank these two friends for sharing their hearts and thoughts about Easter, and what it means to them. Their words probably touched more people than they know.

Even as I write this, I am asking the Lord to forgive me for simply seeing this weekend as a long weekend, even though it is. But it is so much more. As a Christian myself, this weekend should mean everything to me. And although it has definitely been a healing weekend being home, and with two of my closest friends, it is more so healing because I am celebrating my Savior conquering death. He did so so that I may have life, so that I may be able to one day live in eternity with him.

And, although I am truly grateful for the blessing of being home, this gift is way better than a long weekend at the beach. 

So as I challenge myself, I also challenge any other Christians to not just simply observe Easter Sunday, but to contemplate all it is. To really think about what this means in regards to our faith. To ask the Lord to help us grasp the gravity of this celebration.

And since I don’t write posts on Sundays, I will exclaim this now:

Hallelujah, He is risen! My Lord and Savior lives! 

#JustStartWriting

💙 Mishy 🦋

The Circle of Pride

***I credit the title of this post to my friend Taylor Young, who came up with this one night when I was on Instagram live talking about the reasons why I was off of Twitter for the last two weeks of Lent.

Ahh, pride. It’s crazy how I tend to think to myself, “Pride doesn’t have a hold on me. I’m not that prideful. I think I’m a pretty humble person.” I’ve stopped myself a few times as I’ve thought these things, and wondered if me declaring that I wasn’t prideful was kinda…well…prideful.

Pride isn’t always a bad thing – you can be proud of your family and friends, your achievements, your job, etc. It’s okay to feel some pride in these things. It’s when you become “too big for your britches,” when you tend to brag more on yourself than on the others in your life, when you would rather credit yourself for where you are than God, or the other people and circumstances who are involved in your life that pride becomes a problem.

On Instagram live a couple of days ago, I was talking about how I had to let go of Twitter because I was starting to become way too consumed with other people’s lives and opinions. But I was super hesitant to let go of it because it was a major resource to update my followers on what was going on with me via my blog and newly created YouTube channel. It was keeping me up-to-date with all the musicians I follow, and when they would be going on tour for the spring/summer time.

It was…a major distraction. And I was afraid to admit it.

I didn’t want to admit that I couldn’t handle the distraction because I honestly thought I’d conquered it already. I have owned my Twitter account for a solid 6 years, I believe, and yes, I have had to take breaks from it, but only because I was in college and it was distracting to my school work. Surely, I had a handle on it now that I was only working to pay bills, and working on my creative outlets.

Wrong. I didn’t have it all together like I thought I did. And I didn’t want to admit it to myself or to the people who followed me on social media. Pride, plain and simple.

So, what did I do? I ignored it. I tried to keep on living with the app still on my phone, attempting to not scroll through the endless feed of tweets. I assured myself that I was just going through a phase for like a day or two, that it wasn’t that big of a deal, that I could possibly be committing a social media crime by not posting on there for more than a day or so.

And all these thoughts made me stop, probably more than once, and ask myself if I was just being prideful about it all – if thinking that I had it all together on Twitter was hindering me from growing and focusing in areas that really mattered to me.

By the grace of God, I began to notice how my writing was being negatively affected because of being distracted. I couldn’t think about what to write because the only thing I could think about was my Twitter presence. I couldn’t even focus on the plans I was trying to pray and work through because of this distraction. And my spiritual life seemed to be a little more empty; I felt like there was some silence, or maybe I just wasn’t listening to God well enough (actually, I’m pretty sure that’s what that was).

It became even clearer to me that something needed to be done after I listened to a sermon at church about spiritual exhaustion, and while Twitter hadn’t been mentioned specifically, the speaker explained that sometimes we need to give up something in order for us to experience spiritual rest, in order for the Lord to really speak to and use us where we are, and in that moment, I knew – Twitter had to go.

I’d actually had the thought of being off of Twitter for two weeks before really noticing the impact it had on me. Why I thought two weeks instead of one week, I didn’t really know. But my pride really got in the way of making this decision. It was a cycle or circle of pride, if you will – I realized the affect Twitter was having on me, thought that a change needed to be made, knew that if I went through this change some things I cared about might be affected, thought I could handle it, knew it was kind of prideful to think that way, still acted in a prideful manner and ignored my feelings about it all.

And despite all this – realizing my pride, and finally giving up Twitter for the last two weeks of Lent – I still sit here and question my pride level. I feel like this cycle has been ongoing, and I wonder if it’s always been ongoing and I’m just now noticing it, or if it’s a new phase, a new season in my life that is causing this highlight of pride in my life.

Maybe you’ve been in the same place as me, and have caught yourself in the circle of pride, still cycling through the questions, realizations, decisions. Or maybe reading this has made you think through your own life, and try to seek out the pride that could possibly be holding onto you.

I just felt like I needed to write this out, for my own thought process if nothing else. But I hope and pray that something in this post touched your heart. And if you’re not struggling with pride in any sort of way, I praise God for that.

Because this struggle within me right now isn’t easy. Just like Twitter was to me, it is distracting to everything I am aiming to do. It sometimes causes me to look away from my heavenly Father because I’m so concerned about whether I’m being too prideful or not, but it also draws me closer to Him because I know I cannot get through this with my own strength.

Please continue to pray for me as I wrestle with this cycle. And I will be praying for anyone else who is feeling this as well.

“Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight, O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.” – Psalm 19:14 (ESV)

#JustStartWriting

💙 Mishy 🦋

a writer’s fears / thoughts / prayers.

Lately, I’ve been having this fear in the back of my mind that I’ll run out of stuff to write about.

You may be thinking, “That’s impossible! If you’re living life, there’s no way you can run out of stuff to write.”

True, but I guess along with this fear of mine is another fear that I’ll lose inspiration and insight to the world around me. That I won’t be able to write as eloquently about the things going on, the people I meet, the emotions I feel, or anything that the Lord has placed on my heart to say.

I can’t see what’s in front of me.
Still I will trust You.
Still I will trust You.

Currently, I’m praying for guidance and peace. For God to just steady me as I work on the details of the plans I want to go through with. Lately, when I sit down to write sometimes, or even during the day when I think about having to write later, I grow sick because I’m scared that I’ve lost it. I’m afraid that the words I’m typing or writing just don’t make sense, don’t mean anything, don’t matter to anyone.

I’m trying to go back to the days when I wrote simply for myself. I guess I always knew I had an audience, but that never really mattered to me until now. Now that I’m more concerned about who’s reading, it’s hard for me to write.

No, I can’t see what’s in front of me.
Still I will trust You.
Still I will trust You.

Even as I write this now, I’m not sure if there’s anyone who can connect with me on this. Have you ever been afraid to do what you love because you weren’t sure how it would be received? All I want to do is write what I feel, write the Truth in comparison to it all, and have someone connect with it, some way, somehow.

Steady heart that keeps on going , steady Love that keeps on hoping,
Lead me on.
Steady Grace that keeps forgiving, steady faith that keeps believing,
Lead me on.

Despite all the thinking and planning I’ve been doing, I find it hard to pray. I do anyway because I know that without prayer, without consulting my Heavenly Father about my plans and thoughts, they are meaningless. They aren’t even worth pursuing if I haven’t considered the most important factor in all of this. And as I pray, I am so fearful; I feel like my faith is wavering. I knew this wasn’t going to be easy, but because I’m still human, I had hoped that maybe God would just make this a little easier for me.

But following Him isn’t easy. He never promised it would be.

Though the sky is dark, and the wind is wild,
You’ll never leave me.
You’ll never leave me.

And even though initially I felt that as I wrote this, it didn’t even make sense to me, God is gracious enough to allow it now to make a little sense. I need to write this; I needed to feel this. I needed to feel needy; I needed to need Him.

Though the night is long, there is a coming dawn,
The Light is breaking.
The Light is breaking.

Even in the moments when I feel like I’m out of control, like I can’t do this writing thing anymore, like I’m all out of emotions, words, inspiration, God somehow always comes through for me. It may not be in the way I expect it, or even want it.

Steady heart that keeps on going, steady Love that keeps on hoping,
Lead me on.
Steady Grace that keeps forgiving, steady faith that keeps believing,
Lead me on.

But I know that I just need to trust Him.

I need follow Him.

Allow Him to lead my heart, mind, soul;

Allow Him to guide my hand, pen, fingers, words.

And as the dawn breaks,
And the clouds clear,
In an open space,
Together we will run.

*text in bold and italics are from the song “Steady Heart (feat. Amanda Cook)” by Steffany Gretzinger

#JustStartWriting

💙 Mishy 🦋

…I rest in the One Who holds me. (part 2)

As I turned to lie on my right side for the third time, I reminded myself that worry and fear had no power over me. And with this reminder, a prayer was sent:

Lord, I have no idea where my peace went, but I long for Your peace to rock me to sleep. Grant me a more restful night than seems physically possible, with a well-rested heart and mind too. Even though my worries and fears are screaming in my ears, I surrender it all to You.

Though there was leftover uneasiness as I ended my prayer, to sleep the Lord sent me. I awoke the next morning a little drowsy, but thankful to have slept at all. Then, as I rose from my bed, I dreadfully remembered how I’d forgotten something important from the day before. Instead of dwelling on it, however, I exhaled, and peacefully assured myself that I’d done the best I could, and was determined that today would be good so long as I firmly planted myself in God and His goodness.

Honestly, I’ve been concerned that I haven’t been sleeping all that well this week. But in the grand scheme of things, I am grateful to have any sort of rest or break. For there are some who lie awake at night, unable to get to sleep, kept up by nightmares that are their reality, so I cannot lie awake in bed, and be upset that six hours of sleep is all I get due to worries, fears, and some regrets.

I may not know what the rest of the week holds, but I know that He holds me in His hands.

“When I am afraid, I put my trust in You. In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I shall not be afraid. What can flesh do to me?” – Psalm 56:3-4

“The fear of man lays a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is safe.” – Proverbs 29:25

#JustStartWriting

💙 Mishy 🦋