a poet’s prayers

One of my favorite poets wrote a long Instagram post, expressing her gratefulness for 90K followers. Within the post, she expressed that she prayed over her words every day, and honestly, that really just convicted me.

I’m not sure who she prays to, but I know Who I pray to – Jesus Christ, God Almighty, the Holy Spirit, the three-in-one Trinity – and I realize that in the midst of me planning all this stuff that will hopefully start happening within the next couple of months, yes, I have prayed, but I have been consistently praying? Because, I don’t want anything that I’m planning to just come from me because I think it sounds good or looks good.

And I know that just because I pray consistently over my words / the words I will eventually write and say, that it everything will come easily to me. But that’s exactly what faith is; relying on God to handle things even when we’re unsure, when we can’t see what the outcome will be.

So, as I do my daily challenges, I will now be challenging myself to continue to pray over my words every single day. Because my words are such a huge part of who I am, and they’re all I ever want my career to be in this lifetime, unless the Lord calls me elsewhere. Just wanted to share this thought with you all.

Speaking of daily challenges, today’s challenge is to get to bed on time (which I haven’t been doing the past couple of nights, and not for good / productive reasons either), and I only have four more hours to put some real work in. And it’s a hair night? I gotta go!

#MishyWrites 🦋✨

no perfection needed.

I thought this thought in church a week ago…

It’s crazy how in the most transitional  moments of my life, I tend to step away from God more.

You would think that when life was the most unstable, I’d lean on God more, but the past couple of weeks with me moving into a new house, trying to get into a good routine, and then getting sick a couple of times have proved to me that I don’t spend as much time in the Word as I normally would, especially when my routine is out of whack. I think a part of me wants to get the rest of myself together before I can insert my quiet time or devotional time in, and that just seems backwards.

Admittedly, I’m getting uncomfortable just typing this out; seriously, I’m squirming in my chair right now. Rarely do I get physically uncomfortable from typing something like this out, but I guess my spirit is just cringing at the thought of how messed up this is. When things go awry is when most people turn to God, yet I choose to take a step back. Why is that?

I think there are several different reasons why I do this. These reasons may seem weird, but after thinking about this for a week, I truly believe that these are the thoughts I go through, which lead me to not turn to God as much.

“I Got This…”

Even though I’m under the weather, I feel like I’ve been sick enough times in my life to know how to take care of  myself. And while I may know things like what to drink that’ll relieve my symptoms, that doesn’t mean I should stop praying to God and asking to heal me.

“God’s Not a Genie”

I want to avoid going to God simply to ask for things, such as healing or motivation to get things done. So, instead of speaking to Him, I avoid Him, or I just don’t talk to Him as much as I did when I was feeling 100%. And I know that’s silly…we’re called to speak to God, for our needs, our heart’s desires…He knows them all anyway. So, why don’t I want to come before Him in prayer, and ask to be healed?

“I Don’t Have it All Together”

One major thought that I don’t really think about when I make the conscious decision to not spend time in the Word or pray during times in which I really need God is this: “I don’t have everything together, God. I’m not healthy enough. I’m not settled enough. My room isn’t clean enough for me to be in Your Presence.”

That last thought seems silly, but if I’m honest, I think there is a part of me that feels like I am not worthy enough to go before my Lord and Savior unless I am 100% healthy. Unless I’m way  more organized in my agenda. Now, I am only worthy to go before God because of Jesus’ death on the Cross. But that does mean that I can come as I am – God doesn’t need me to be perfect for me to come to Him. He will take me and all my mess; He isn’t afraid of my germs when I’m sick, or my messy room and lifestyle. He isn’t worried that He can’t move amidst my laziness or unmotivated moments. He is able to work through it all. And so often, I forget that.

As I sit in my dining room, still recovering from a cold, and trying to organize myself for the work week ahead, my goal is to start reminding myself every day that God is able; He hasn’t failed me yet. And that I can go to Him with all of my mess because it doesn’t scare Him, even though it may scare me.

There’s no need for me to run away when the safest place I can be is with Him.

#MishyWrites 🦋✨

Enough is Enough.

*Disclaimer: I’m not bashing anyone who has said that they are “ugly,” “worthless,” “stupid,” and any other derogatory terms on social media. There is freedom of speech; you can say what you want on your account. I’m only saying that I wish better for those who do say these things (myself included). We are so much more than we think we are.

So…I’m done.

I’m tired of hearing and seeing all of this self-hate, and I’m also tired of being a part of it. Recently, I’ve seen a lot of my friends or followers on social media say in various ways that they’re ugly, unloved, or not enough. And I feel like there are numerous reasons why they say such things…(and this is all just generally speaking. I’m not accusing any of my personal friends or followers of doing any of these things said below. These are just thoughts and observations of what I’ve been seeing and thinking about)

1. A Joke. Some people say they’re ugly as a joke. And while I’m not trying to be that person who’s always so serious, I honestly don’t think calling other people or yourself ugly is a joke. Ugly is a hurtful, heavy word. You shouldn’t use it for others or for yourself.

2. Attention / Assurance. Some say they’re ugly for the attention. They want people to prove them wrong, to give them some positive feedback and attention because they’ve called themselves ugly.

3. Humble. Unfortunately, many people can’t/don’t know how to take a compliment, maybe because they feel like they don’t deserve the compliment being paid to them, or they’re just bashful. So instead of, or even along with, a “thank you,” there’s sometimes a “but…I’m actually [insert demeaning adjective or noun here].” When did we think that humbly receiving a compliment meant that we had to tear ourselves down to deny the positive thing someone said to us? Now, I’m not saying that every single time someone does this in particular, they are 100% serious; but the fact that they think it is a good way of being humble just doesn’t sit right with me.

And I’m not just pointing fingers at my friends/followers/other people. I’m pointing the finger at myself too; I am just as guilty of saying that “I am merely a bean!” to people who say that I look gorgeous or flawless. It’s just something we’ve got ingrained in us; I feel like we can’t handle how amazing we all are, so we have to tell ourselves that we actually aren’t that great compared to the entire population.

But every time I see or hear someone I know say something negative about themselves, I always try to combat it. Because, whether it’s a joke or not, everyone feels ugly at some point, and if they’re talking about it or bringing it up, I want to take the opportunity to assure them that they are definitely not whatever negative noun/adjective they said they are, but they surely are “wonderful,” “amazing,” “worthy,” “loveable,” etc.

Am I angry at the people who keep saying they’re ugly on social media or otherwise? No, of course, not. I tweeted today that I’d fight those people…

…but I mean that out of love. We all go through moments when we don’t feel pretty or handsome or good enough. Some go through these moments more than others. And I am so adamant about assuring people that they are beautiful and worthy, not because I’m trying to flatter them, or because I just want them to like me. I say those things – “You’re gorgeous,” “You’re flawless,” “You’re worth it, luvvy,” – because I truly believe it and mean it. Because I’ve had those moments when I didn’t feel beautiful, and wished someone would look at me, and sincerely tell me I was worthy, beautiful, enough.

I’ve seen way too many physically beautiful people say they’re physically unattractive. I’ve heard way too many people with beautiful personalities wish they were more physically attractive because they feel like their personalities don’t matter unless they are what the world defines as beautiful. There is not more stock in physically attractive people, or in personality attractive people. Both are equal, yet the world wants us to think otherwise.

I’m sorry that the world has established these standards of beauty that are unattainable for most of us. I’m sorry that we may feel unworthy because the person we like thinks someone else – someone who looks nothing like us – is attractive. I’m sorry that we think that taking a compliment means saying we’re actually the opposite of that compliment. I’m sorry that you not getting the attention of someone you love made you feel less than.

But oh, dear luvvy, you are so worthy.

Enough is enough. I stand for beauty of all types, shapes, sizes. No person on this earth is exactly alike, and that is the most beautiful thing about us as humans; as God’s creation. We are each created in His Image, His likeness. We have no idea what He physically looks like, but there are so many adjectives in the Bible that describe His character – good, faithful, wonderful, mighty, powerful, the list goes on. Now, we are not all-powerful, or all-good; we’re still humans who make mistakes, and we won’t ever be perfect in this life. But if we depend on the Lord, we are capable of being as faithful, wonderful, good as we can where He has placed us.

You probably saw this coming…those typical Bible verses that everyone brings out when talking about self-esteem, beauty, etc. Psalm 139:13-14. Maybe some of you didn’t see it coming / don’t know them, but even if you did, I’m still gonna drop them here:

“For You formed my inward parts; You knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are Your works; my soul knows it very well.” (ESV)

You, dear reader, are beautiful, unique, wonderful, enough because the God of all creation created you, a wonderful work, a masterpiece. And He longs for you to know this very well, and to praise Him for it.

I know it’s hard sometimes; listen, I have just as much a hard time as anyone convincing myself that I am good enough in this world, that I am beautiful enough to be considered worthy of loving, that I am unique enough to stand out from the crowd. We beat ourselves up, and we have no reason to.

Also, the problem is not in wanting to be assured of how amazing we are; the problem is us being unable to see how amazing we are. It’s okay to want that affirmation from people, and I pray that there are people in your life to assure you of your beauty and greatness. But sometimes outside affirmation isn’t enough; sometimes that one person you want to hear it from doesn’t tell you what you want to hear. And this is why we have to be okay with ourselves, no, more than okay with ourselves; we have to see ourselves as worthy masterpieces. Not to the point of being prideful, but to the point of being able to see the beauty in other people too.

And I pray and encourage us all to look in the mirror tonight, tomorrow morning, right now, and say, “I am beautiful. I am worthy. I am unique. I am loved. And so is everyone else I come in contact with, be it face-to-face, or over social media.”

Say this with me: “I am amazing. You are amazing. We are all amazing.”

Now say it, and believe it.

#MishyWrites

 

Make It Less Mundane.

Hey guys!

Sorry I missed writing to y’all yesterday, it was little busier/crazier than I thought it would be (plus, I totally forgot to bring my laptop to my grandparents’ house, and it’s just easier to blog from there).

But I just wanted to express something that’s been on my heart lately, and it’s something I even talked to one of my close friends about.

Following Jesus. Staying in the Word. Not wavering in the faith.

Truthfully, I haven’t been feeling the same when it comes to these things. I feel as if I’ve sort of hit the ceiling when it comes to this stuff. Not that I know everything there is to know about God or the Bible; I understand that I need to be growing in my faith. But I just feel like I’m not learning it in my quiet times in the morning.

Maybe it’s because I’m feeling rushed about my quiet time in the morning because lately, I’ve been getting up later than I should. Or maybe it’s because my mind is so distracted by all the things I have going on. Or maybe it’s the Enemy telling me that I’m not getting anything out of my quiet time, so, what’s the point of even doing it?

I feel like I’m in a dangerous position; I have so much I’m doing and thinking about, and I feel like I just need a couple of hours or a day away from it all to realign my focus, my purpose for why I’m doing the things I’m doing.

Things may look like they’re going great on the outside, but really, I feel like I just need Jesus to hold me right now. To assure me that He is still by my side, and is still holding my hand through everything going on right now. I believe that He is still there, but I crave to continue learning more about Him; to not be so content with where I am in my faith; to not have my time with Him every day feel so mundane, or to just see my Bible-reading time as simply a habit.

I want more faith than I have right now. Increase my faith, Lord!

#MishyWrites

💙 Mishy 🦋

#realtalk – blogging stress

I’m going to be really honest here. I’m frantically trying to write something in the last 19 minutes I have before I should probably be in bed because after last week’s crazy shenanigans, I won’t be depriving my body of the rest it needs. 

And I’m sad because I miss blogging every day and sharing my thoughts with you guys, and just writing a little something different in general. But I feel like lately, I either am rushed for time, or I don’t feel inspired, or what I’ll write here won’t be as good as what I’m writing on my own in journals or in my Notes app. 

There is some great stuff coming, I assure you. I am really excited, so excited that I’ve almost leaked everything to you all at once because I’m impatient, and I can’t pull off suspense very well. But as I’ve said before, I’m learning through all this about the importance of the process; of following the game-plan.

Which has led me to here: not blogging for like two weeks straight, and feeling guilty about it. And even somewhat stressed about it because I want to provide content for y’all, but I just feel like I can’t or shouldn’t. 

And I wanted to share this with you because even though there are a lot of awesome opportunities going on in my life right now, all the goodness doesn’t get rid of the stress. It doesn’t make all the anxiety of wanting to be a good writer disappear. It doesn’t automatically make me an author, or someone who has their brand and their ideas and dreams all together. 

No, all this just makes me human. Good opportunities are awesome, but stress still abounds. The battle may not be physical within my world of work or other things, but man, the emotional and mental side can really weigh me down. 

So, as I’ve asked you guys to do before, please pray for me. I may be abiding by the process, but that doesn’t mean the process is perfect. And it doesn’t mean that my mindset about it all is perfect either. 

I just long to do what the Lord has called me to do, and am asking for the strength to accomplish it all (not just by myself, mind you, but with the help of others!). 

I am just as excited, but also just as nervous too. Crazy how the mind, how the world works.

This worn-out writer needs to go to bed though. The week may be halfway over, but there is much to be done. 

Especially this week – my sister graduates from college this Saturday. Which means I’ve been an independent adult for basically a full year. 

Wait til you read the blog post about THAT.

#JustStartWriting

💙 Mishy 🦋

updates + a poem.

So, haha, hello? Is this thing on??

It’s definitely been a minute. More like a week. I feel like that’s been the longest I’ve gone without blogging all year. And it feels so weird. And I’m sorry for being so absent!

I have been extremely busy with some new projects, life events, social events, and work. How it’s almost the end of April is beyond me. How Easter has come and gone is crazy. How my sister is graduating from college next weekend, therefore, making it a year since I graduated college is unbelievably out-of-this-world. Time flies.

I am going to share a poem that I wrote during my two-week Twitter break. It was a poem that I was going to save for later posting, but I think it’s time to share it with you all.

It’s appropriate to share it now, I think, because as I’m preparing and working on my creative endeavors, I have to constantly remind myself that I cannot be distracted by all the things going on; I can’ even be distracted with my creative work. I can’t let all the hours of tedious typing, alignment, filming, thinking overcome my spiritual life, and bring me into the jaws of pride.

I can’t wait until everything I’m currently working on comes together so that you aren’t just exposed to the written aspect of my words, but you’ll be able to hear it in my voice, and visualize it through acting.

Coming soon. 8.5 is the magic number as of right now. #waitonit

For now, though, enjoy this poem: 

I was hesitant to let go for fear of others’ thoughts. I was scared that if I admitted I had a problem, there would be judgment, shame. I could hear the “you know better’s” and the “I thought you had it all together’s” hindering me from growing. Closing doors of opportunity without me even knowing.

I tried to run from it. Tried to pretend like everything was fine. I tried to make it seem like I wasn’t wasting my time, but I can’t run from God. I can’t hide, can’t pretend that my Maker doesn’t know what’s best for me, or isn’t on my side.

I wanted to think I could handle it all – the attention, the pressure, the admiration and love. I thought being humble about everything would be enough, but pride is sneaky; it takes many different shapes. So much so, before you know it, you’re no longer just “great,” but you’re the greatest, the best, better than the rest.

I told a friend that the battle in my mind was too clear. Spirit desired to do good, but the flesh was also near, whispering in my ear that I deserved all this. I’d worked hard, I’d been searching, seeking, waiting on God to make things abundantly clear to me.

Surely, I thought, surely, this is where I need to be. What I need to do. 

But, O God, I cannot move forward. No, not without You.

Steady my heart, Lord. Steady my mind. Take the pen in my hand and, write out my poems, my rhymes. 

It all sounds so good, God. It all feels so right.

Or so I thought, until I could no longer sleep at night. My mind began to wander, my heart unsteady still. And, finally, I could take no more, and said,

Lord, have Your will. Not mine. I’m sorry it took some time for me to obey, and see that my way was getting me nowhere.

God, I haven’t written a good few words in some days now. And I’m scared. Please don’t take this gift from me, please give me strength to use it well. Humble me now, and ready my soul so I may continue to write and tell everyone I know or come in contact with that my words are not mine, but Yours.

I plead the fifth.

Because none of it was me, no, the only thing I’m guilty of is allowing pride to swallow me, and still fool me into thinking I was good. I could handle this. I could be humble enough to manage this, but God in His grace showed me how wrong I was, and told me to get away from all the buzz, the noise that was causing me to focus more on myself than on Him.

Lord, I accept Your mercy. Please, forgive my sin.

#JustStartWriting

💙 Mishy 🦋

Easter Sunday

Tomorrow is Easter Sunday. The day in which Christians celebrate the Resurrection of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. 

Part of me felt like writing something about this day would be sort of cheesy or distasteful since so many people are writing, posting, snapping about it. And unfortunately, I feel like this day is only overlooked or watered down due to the pressure to sometimes post about what we’re wearing or doing, who we’re with, or where we are for Easter Sunday.

(I’m guilty of all this too, so in no way am I just pointing the finger at other people.)

But I just want to take a second and just breathe and think about this day.

I’ve seen two really great posts about Easter, ones that have truly reminded me of how important the past few days have been, from Good Friday until tomorrow, Easter Sunday. 

One was from a friend who reminisced on several occasions when his life could have been taken, but wasn’t, and in thinking about these things, thought of how Christ had ultimately taken his place, and given up His life to save all of us who believe in Him. My friend’s words shook me; to have that kind of perspective was extremely wise and insightful. 

The other was from another friend who expressed her frustration over how this weekend was seen sometimes as simply a Friday off of work, or the only Sunday of the year people go to church. And I admired her boldness in writing how her heart was feeling, and I also felt convicted about the things she was frustrated with, especially since this weekend I’m out of town, and not in my normal setting of going to church and such.

I want to thank these two friends for sharing their hearts and thoughts about Easter, and what it means to them. Their words probably touched more people than they know.

Even as I write this, I am asking the Lord to forgive me for simply seeing this weekend as a long weekend, even though it is. But it is so much more. As a Christian myself, this weekend should mean everything to me. And although it has definitely been a healing weekend being home, and with two of my closest friends, it is more so healing because I am celebrating my Savior conquering death. He did so so that I may have life, so that I may be able to one day live in eternity with him.

And, although I am truly grateful for the blessing of being home, this gift is way better than a long weekend at the beach. 

So as I challenge myself, I also challenge any other Christians to not just simply observe Easter Sunday, but to contemplate all it is. To really think about what this means in regards to our faith. To ask the Lord to help us grasp the gravity of this celebration.

And since I don’t write posts on Sundays, I will exclaim this now:

Hallelujah, He is risen! My Lord and Savior lives! 

#JustStartWriting

💙 Mishy 🦋