a poet’s prayers

One of my favorite poets wrote a long Instagram post, expressing her gratefulness for 90K followers. Within the post, she expressed that she prayed over her words every day, and honestly, that really just convicted me.

I’m not sure who she prays to, but I know Who I pray to – Jesus Christ, God Almighty, the Holy Spirit, the three-in-one Trinity – and I realize that in the midst of me planning all this stuff that will hopefully start happening within the next couple of months, yes, I have prayed, but I have been consistently praying? Because, I don’t want anything that I’m planning to just come from me because I think it sounds good or looks good.

And I know that just because I pray consistently over my words / the words I will eventually write and say, that it everything will come easily to me. But that’s exactly what faith is; relying on God to handle things even when we’re unsure, when we can’t see what the outcome will be.

So, as I do my daily challenges, I will now be challenging myself to continue to pray over my words every single day. Because my words are such a huge part of who I am, and they’re all I ever want my career to be in this lifetime, unless the Lord calls me elsewhere. Just wanted to share this thought with you all.

Speaking of daily challenges, today’s challenge is to get to bed on time (which I haven’t been doing the past couple of nights, and not for good / productive reasons either), and I only have four more hours to put some real work in.Β And it’s a hair night? I gotta go!

#MishyWrites πŸ¦‹βœ¨

“no. 91217”

My hand is outstretched, and my heart hopes you take it.
Sometimes when you do, I feel like I’m standing in a room with a crowd full of people
Completely naked,
And so many things are being thrown at me.
So many questions, comments, complaints, concerns and
I just wanted to share something with you – a lesson
I recently learned in my life.
Our hands held tightly together, I didn’t realize
The commitment
I’d signed up for.
I wasn’t aware that I’d be stripped down to the core of my being,
That piece after piece of me would be taken
With nothing left for myself, it seems.

Yet, this is what I long to do.
I long for you to feel the deep understanding of someone
You have never met. Someone you never knew.
And in this moment, we connect.
But you’ve attempted to trace it back to me
And I’m unsettled…
I don’t want to regret the choice I made
To open myself up.

I only want you to take what I’ve given and
See for yourself how it applies to the
Situations, people, places
In your life.
Don’t look back at me and try to analyze it all.
Please.

I kind of want a piece of me back.
More than one, if that’s okay.
It’s not that I don’t want you to know who I am.
I’d love to get to know you too.
But there’s a line that needs to be drawn, I think,
And whether that’s up to me, or you,
I’m not sure.

Because this is who I am. So do I need to change?
Rearrange the way I give my hand out
So as not to hand out every single part of me?
Maybe space is what I need,
But my goal is to draw you near,
And I fear that if I go too far away
My hand won’t reach you wherever you
Stand, sit, lie, or stay.

But there’s got to be some sort of distance between us.
Yes, there must be.

#MishyWritesΒ πŸ¦‹βœ¨

“and he lived…”

Maybe I’m just like Belle,
Looking into the eyes of the angry, frightening Beast,
Whom everyone in the village wants to put to sleep
Yet all I can see in you is
Beauty.

They say I’ve just pricked my finger with the thorns of the forbidden rose
You’ve held captive, and claim as your own.
I long to pry it out of your hands,
To give your heart a rest.

Let me take the burden.
Let the villagers trample me
While you collect yourself in your castle.
Take as long as you need;
I know it could be forever.
But I refuse to give up on you.

I refuse.

I know I’m not guaranteed a happy ending,
But that’s okay.

I just need you to be.

#MishyWrites πŸ¦‹βœ¨

*Do Not Touch*

Day by day, they pass her.
In awe of the beauty she bestows that inspires them to
See the world differently…
Challenges them to do more than they are already doing, to
Actually change the world instead of continuing to simply dream that
They can.

They stop and stare, unaware that she also
Analyzes them.
She hears them exclaim the praise of the artist who made such a figure,
And express their love for her –

A masterpiece…

Bold.
Lovely.
Unique.
Elegant.

She hears these things, and is flattered.
She longs to know more about the spectators who gaze longingly at her,
Who stop to read her.
Who are mesmerized by her presence.

She wants to touch them.

She wants them to touch her…

To feel the soul that hides beneath what they can only see from a distance.
To embrace the warmth of the love for them that she’s held onto for so long.
To be brave enough to step closer, and just…

But anyone who dares to even try, steps back.
Intimidated by her astonishing design they
Never step past that invisible boundary that keeps them
From really understanding her.
From really pursuing her.
From really feeling who she is.

And so, they leave.

And she stands there wondering how they can just walk away
After they said all those things about her and her maker.
After being so close to her, being so touched by her,
They couldn’t take the few steps closer, and just…

#MishyWrites πŸ¦‹βœ¨

“Today I Affirm…” with Alex Elle: Day 1 – Love vs. Fear

So, there's this writer named Alex Elle whom I love, and discovered through Kehlani's latest album because she spoke in a couple of the introductions, and she recently did this email series "Today I Affirm…" in which she would declare something, and we'd do some affirmation writing based on what she declared. I wasn't able to keep up with it during the week she was actively doing it, so I'm going to do it this week instead!

Normally, this is supposed to be done in a journal or on Post-It notes, but I'll do that once I wind down for the day. I'd love to share my self-affirmations on here with you all, and maybe you can even do this for yourself!

Today I Affirm:

"To walk boldly in the light of love and not cower at the darkness of doubt." – Alex Elle

Words: "love," "prevails," "trials"

Honestly, this is sort of ironic that this is what today's self-affirmation is because today is Monday, which means that I do #MotivationalMishyMondays on Instagram live at 8pm EST. And tonight, I was planning on talking about fear, and how we are not called to live a life of fear, yet we so often do, and it causes us to miss out on opportunities, to regret things, to wish that we'd done or hadn't done things in certain ways.

And specifically today, I am going to preview a new poem I recently wrote entitled "No Fear," which actually delves into the fact that God's Perfect Love casts out fear, and if we rest in it, we can overpower the fears that so often have a grip on us.

The circumstances of why this poem was written actually seem more shallow than the poem itself is. I wrote it because I had sent a message to someone that I cared about, and I was afraid of how they'd receive it / how they would view me. Overall, I was mostly afraid of rejection; I was afraid the person would take my words negatively, and reject the care that I had for them.

As I debated on whether or not I should delete the message I'd already sent before the person read it, I was assured by friends that I should just take a risk; that maybe it would be a good thing, and that rejection wasn't something I had to worry about. And, even though their encouragement was sweet, I was still on the fence about the whole thing. Hence why, I thought about what God says about fear and being afraid.

He says, "Do no fear, for I am with you."

"fear not, for I am with you;
be not dismayed, for I am your God;
I will strengthen you, I will help you,
I will uphold you with my righteous right hand." - Isaiah 41:10 (ESV)

And reminding myself of that verse led me to think about all the things I was afraid of in the past that I went through, and realized I had no need to be afraid of. It made me think of how God knew exactly how things would turn out, and I worried my little self over everything, but all I had to do was rest in the fact that God is behind me and before me; He doesn't reveal everything to me because He longs for me to trust that He is good, no matter the outcome.

God knows me so well; I mean, He created me, after all! And He created you too. He knows us all so well, and in the past few days, I was reminded of how well He knows me through Psalm 139. I won't write it all out for y'all, but you should definitely get a chance to read it! We long for someone in our lives to know everything about us, and still love us despite the ugly things. And God does that. It blows my mind, really.

So, I declare that I will walk boldly in the light of my Father's perfect Love that casts out fear (1 John 4:18), and refuse to cower at the darkness of doubt, rejection, fear, hate, etc.

Ahh, I'm so excited, I want to write to you all the words from "No Fear" right now, but I told myself I wasn't going to release it until after it's all recorded and whatnot. Tonight on Instagram is just a sneak-peek, but I am so excited about it all.

God is good, despite all the fears I have, and I pray that we can all walk with confidence knowing that He knows everything that will come to pass. It does us no good to sit in fear of whatever we are scared of if we know He is in control of it.

#MishyWrites 🦋✨

“I used to think…”

Still trying to re-work the next Postcard Prose post, but here’s a little something I wrote in the creative writing workshop I attended tonight.

The prompt was just writing our thoughts beginning with the phrase “I used to think…”


 

I used to think that poetry wasn’t for me.

It was for all those people I took writing classes with, who had that special kind of love for coffee and
thinking and style that got to weave words together to make sense of the world through metaphors and imagery, all the while
also being capable of eloquently speaking what was
on their minds and in their hearts.

I used to think that that was impossible for me to do.
To write something so
vulnerable and true,
And have the courage to not just let it
sit between the lines,
Squished between the pages of a journal that I’d find
years later, tucked underneath the rest of my scribbled on books.

To be where I am now took courage; it always takes that.
There are days I struggle to pick up a pen and allow all these words to
pour forth
and stick and fit together.

I sometimes wonder if this poetry is just a phase,
Or something I was forever created for.

So, I hold onto hope,
Praying that God keeps
closing and opening the doors,
And gives me the strength to allow the unfolding of everything to take place.

And overall I pray, that He helps me seek His Face.

πŸ’™ Mishy πŸ¦‹

“Some Nights…”

Sometimes…it still hurts.

On nights when I’m alone at home,
Simply writing or scrolling through my phone…

I think of you.

Especially when I’m on Instagram and I’m searching for a photo for my blog but I end up seeing that picture of you and I. And I don’t know why I keep it up there.
Maybe it’s because I still care.
It’s been a minute since I spoke to you or you spoke to me, so every time you come into my thoughts I just, let it be.
I still pray for you; I always do.
And I wonder sometimes if you ever pray for me too, or if you’ve completely moved on and never think about me. I sometimes wonder if I’ll ever see you again.
Even though we live in the same town, I never seem to see you around.

I have moved on, don’t mistake that. There are just days…well, mostly nights when I still want you back.
Because I don’t deny that I ever loved you. And I don’t deny that I ever wonder what it would have been like if wed stuck it out.
If we’d both pushed past our personal doubts and just tried to make it work.
Honestly because of where each of us was, I think it would still end with both of us hurt.

Don’t think I never loved you, or never thought or think about you.
Because sometimes…I still do.
And I don’t do it to torture myself, or to find and excuse to be sad or mad or feel hurt and used.
Despite all that happened…you’re still my friend. A brother-in-Christ who’s inspired me. Without knowing you held my hand through six to seven months of anxiety and fear. There were too many times I cried too many tears.

But I’m over it. I’m better now.

Because there was Someone better who gently pulled me away from you. Who took my hand out of yours because I wasn’t strong enough to,
Admit that you were killing me.

I was killing me.

Always thinking and wondering and caring about you. So much so that it was difficult for me to see myself dying away.
No but these days, I think of you differently because I think of me differently. I care for myself because I care about the God I belong to, and how I’m living for Him. I am beginning to understand that He is all my life stands for.
Nothing less, but so much more.
All I say and do, should be dictated by whether I am praising and pleasing my Savior.
Not you.

I no longer waste my time trying to love those who don’t even try to love me back. I’ve been blessed abundantly with family and friends, who would chase after me for days on end, not because I have something to offer them or, because they receive gifts that I always send. 

They love me for me. Simply because I am me. 

And I don’t fret over whether you love and care about me because I am set on loving and caring for myself. I’ve learned that self-love is one of the strongest there is. It isn’t as healing as my Father’s agape love, but it certainly still heals in ways another person’s love could never make me feel. 

So yes…sometimes and some nights…it still hurts. 
But it doesn’t hurt for long. 

πŸ’™ Mishy πŸ¦‹