Changes : the introduction

I prompt this blog post by a tweet from Hannah Brencher:

"Write about the things that change you."

And man, when I think about the things that have changed me…well, I feel like I could write an entire book. Like there aren't just things that have changed me…there are people, places, events, days, that have changed me, and made me the person I am right now. Change is constantly happening, and I don't think I'm as aware of it as I should be. Or maybe I'm not aware of where I am in the moment until a change happens, and I notice where I am, and where I'm headed. Wow, change is a crazy topic.

Hmm…should this be a new blog series? I just thought about this as I was typing. Recently, blog series have been difficult for me to accomplish because I'll be in the middle of a series, and then I'll want to write about something else, but I feel the need to continue the series instead of writing what I felt I should write. Does that make sense? I don't know how I was able to write series' so easily last year. Maybe it shows a change or growth in my writing? If so, that would be dope!

Maybe I'll just take it and run with it for a while until I get sick of it. Seriously, the mind of a writer, guys…it's not as organized as I thought it would be!

But, hey, I guess since sticking with a series has deemed itself a challenge, why not?

So, with that being said…welcome to this new series: Changes

Tomorrow, let's talk about the people who've changed me. I mean, there are so many, but maybe I'll just hit the highlights for y'all haha!

I personally thought it was kind of cool how I wrote out my thought process about my writing for the next few days to all of you? Anyone else think it was kinda cool? Just me? Awesome. I don't think this was the first time I've done that. But hey, content, right?

Can't wait to write to you all tomorrow. Thanks for riding along with me!

#MishyWrites 🦋✨

favorite day of the week.

I write this post exhausted, and sad that I didn't blog yesterday. Grr. Oh well, moving on…

It's Saturday, my favorite day of the week! And this is what's been happening…

This weekend marks the first weekend in like three weekends that I'll be home, not traveling to theme parks or Atlanta for concerts or meet-ups. And I'm grateful for it because it's been pretty restful – I slept in and slowly got myself ready for today. I got to talk to some friends who live miles away from me, and laugh with them. I hung out with my sister and treated her to a sushi dinner, something we both hadn't done in a while. I got to take pictures again around downtown, and feel super accomplished about it. Both of my roommates are gone, so I took the opportunity to dance in front of one of their full-length mirrors (thank you for letting me do it lol).

Even though a small part of me is a little stressed and overwhelmed about some things, I think back on my day and realize that I'm okay right now. Truly, I am.

And I was talking with one of the writer's who regularly contributes to my #JustStartWriting website, and she informed me of a major anniversary for her writing and mine, and it honestly has me so humbled and in awe of how God has been moving in my life and writing, and in hers as well. Like, a year ago today, I couldn't imagine what writing a blog post every day would create; how God would use my faith and faithfulness and trust to inspire her. How her writing would continue to shape and grow through the same process of trusting and sticking with it. Praise be to God; this is crazy.

It's got me excited for what's to come in the next year. Where in the world is God going to have us both in our lives, and in our writing? I used to be so nervous about the future and its uncertainty. Maybe it was because I was skeptical that anything positive could happen with where I was in my life; my mindset was focused on all the wrong things back then. And even now, it's still hard to focus on the right things, but I've been learning on how to really push myself to hone in on what really matters.

But Saturday is not quite over (I mean, it almost is, but…)! After a shower, I'll talk to some more friends before bed, probably make a to-do list for tomorrow, and get some sleep for church in the morning.

I'm excited because tomorrow I'll actually be able to have a somewhat restful and productive day – going to do some adult things like grocery shopping and cooking, but hopefully do some relaxing and renewing things too. It's going to be awesome.

Until Monday, luvvies!

#MishyWrites 🦋✨

this season

Tonight, I was encouraged during a dinner I had with some friends. Each friend possesses a different creative spirit – one is a musician, the other an artist/businesses owner – and they both inspire me to continue in my own creative field of writing/spoken word.

We talked about each of our own creative endeavors and experiences, our goals. We also touched on where we currently are in life – one of those friends and I are in the midst of a living transition as we try to find a place to live together. The other friend has this grand idea, and is wanting to execute it within a certain time, and involve as many creative/artistic people she knows. We briefly spoke of our college days, which now seem like a distant memory or even a dream compared to the lives we're living right now.

And as I sit here in my bedroom, thinking about the season I'm currently in and seasons that I've passed through, I am trying to think of the goals I have in mind for the future, and how I can make a plan, and start executing that plan. Honestly, I've been in the planning season for a while, and I've also been trying to prioritize other things, like my health.

But I don't want my goals and dreams to sit on the bench; yes, what I've been trying to prioritize is important, but I also need to make sure that I'm doing something every day to obtain my dreams. I think for the remainder of my night, I'm going to sit here and really ask myself what I want to accomplish / where I want to be this time next week, next month, next year.

It's scary to come up with a plan, sometimes. One of my friends pointed out tonight that there's just something about making an actual plan to reach a goal that seems intimidating, and it sometimes stops us from really thinking through the process and achieving our goals. Maybe it's seeing how many steps we have to take. Maybe there's one particular step that requires us to really get out of our comfort zone.

But if there's one thing I've learned, planning and process is so important. And tonight, I realized that in a way, I've kind of been avoiding the planning process probably because I'm a little fearful of it. I've been focusing on other things I need to focus on, but at the same time, I knew I should be working on my craft.

No fear, though. Time to take advantage of this season.

What kind of season are you in? Are you doing things that are actually productive to you and where you want to eventually be? Ask yourself where you want to be next week, next month, next year; sit down and write those things down. Now write out how you're going to get there, no matter how crazy or scary it seems. Get together with a close friend and share these things with them, and come up with ways to stay proactive within your plans. 

We got this, luvvies!

#MishyWrites 🦋✨

Healing from Heartbreak

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." – Psalm 147:3 (ESV)


This verse stood out to me this morning during my devotions because recently there have been several people who have told me about them hurting, or feeling heartbroken. The situations aren't all romantically related; admit it, when you see or hear the words "heartbreak" or "broken-hearted," the first thing you think about is a romantic relationship. And there's nothing wrong with that at all!

But I think as I read this verse, I thought about the different types of heartbreak, or the different things that can cause our hearts to break – the death of someone close to you, the loss of a great opportunity or of even an item that meant something to you, rejection from a team or group, the list can go on.

Not only are there different reasons for heartbreak, but there are also different ways in which we cope with heartbreak. We cry, we vent to our friends and family, we try to do other things to distract us from our heartbreak, we even shut down completely, unable to handle the hurt we feel.

I can think back to a time when I felt some deep heartbreak. It felt like there was a weight, not just in my chest, but on my back as well. It's amazing to me how much emotions can affect our physical selves. But what was my initial reaction to the heartbreak? What/who did I turn to to try to ease the pain, stop the hurt?

Honestly, I try to deal with the heartbreak that I have alone sometimes. It's not that I'm ashamed for people to know that I'm hurting, I think it's because as a Christian I sometimes feel silly feeling such a heavy weight on my heart over something so trivial compared to other bigger issues in the world. How can I be crying over being rejected by someone when there is someone out there right now without a roof over their head? I don't want to compare sadness or hurts, but I think that's what I end up doing, and I end up believing that my hurt isn't valid or "big enough" to be a heartbreaking thing.

Then, if I feel like I've handled my hurt as best as I can on my own, I turn to my family, my close friends, sometimes to music that will uplift me out of the mess I find myself in. And all of these things are great things to reach out to when dealing with heartbreak. However, I sometimes find that the hole created by heartbreak still isn't

The verse above though is so encouraging. Growing up in a Christian household, I remember my parents telling me to go to God with my problems, and I believed that I could, but I also had some doubt that He even cared about the smaller things in my life, like if I got rejected by someone, or if I lost something, or if I didn't get the job I wanted.

I mean, since then, God has been faithful in so many ways in my life, but I feel like this verse was a great reminder for me; when the things of this world cannot comfort me, cannot soothe my aching soul, I can go before the One Who knows me best, and he can heal my broken heart, and mend my wounds. I know to some that may sound supernatural and religious, but I can't express the peace I've felt simply by bringing my hurts to my Heavenly Father, as silly as they may seem to me, and how much I've seen Him care about them.

This verse is an encouragement piece. A confirmation. An assurance that there is a solution to a broken heart, even if it doesn't seem like there is while I'm dealing with it.

And I hope you find some encouragement in that as well!

#MishyWrites 🦋✨

“The Cycle”

Yesterday, I was honestly in a funk. I had already had a mentally and emotionally rough week, and I think it all just peaked yesterday. As I've grown older, I've become more comfortable with who I am in all aspects, especially physically. But unfortunately, I still have those days – those days when I don't feel very beautiful, or when I don't feel like my personality is enough for people.

But I know that these thoughts are lies; I know that I am so much more than what I feel like sometimes. I am worth so much more than other people's opinions. Yet, I just hate that I still find myself in this cycle of being okay with myself, and then not being content with myself if something happens, or someone says something, or maybe just because I'm just not feeling who I am that day.

So, I just wrote a little something last night to reflect how I was feeling. I'm feeling better today, for sure. But I wish there was someway this mental, self-esteem cycle of mine could just stop, and I could be content with who I am all the time.

"The Cycle"

The cycle is treacherous.

I find myself confident, willing to see the beauty and value in myself for a good while. Able to understand that my worth and value don't lie in other people's opinions, other people's words. Who I am isn't based on the color of my skin, or the music I listen to.

It's based on the mere fact that I am part of the Lord's creation; a unique form to behold. And all that matters is He loves me unconditionally, no matter what happens or what I'm told.

But then as the cycle makes its course,
My esteem is emptied, wasted on caring too much about what others think of me,
Comparing myself to girls who look nothing like me, say things differently, listen to music or are a part of things that are more popular than what I am interested in.
The self I used to love becomes a self I now loathe,  and I can't bear to look myself in the mirror, and admit that I am beautiful.

It hurts too much.

The cycle must be broken – I'm over following this trend of constantly feeling great about myself, and then having something not go my way, or not hearing an affirmation I wanted someone to say, which causes my esteem to be at risk.
I'm tired of the negative, mental list I make about myself, all of it rooted in two words – "not enough."

Luvvy, that's a lie, and you know it.
The stuff you want to focus on is nothing but distractions wanting to chip away at the masterpiece you are. You're worth more than those empty declarations that want to crush you beneath those awful statements.
Break the chains of those harsh judgments that bind you to the cycle of loving then loathing then loving yourself. Be free to continue to love who you are, and who you're becoming. Why wait for someone to fall in love with you when one of the most beautiful things you can do is fall in love with yourself, and the Creator who made you?

Be free to believe these things – You are worthy. You are loved. You are enough. End of story. 💙

#MishyWrites 🦋✨

“Today I Affirm…” with Alex Elle, Day 4 – Despite the Failure

"Today I Affirm…"

"my failures will not stop me from enjoying the journey." – Alex Elle

Words: "Enjoy," "Journey," "Failure"

The morning mantra for this is as follows: "I am allowed to fail. I am allowed to succeed. My worth is not contingent on my ability to avoid shortcomings. I am worthy through my good times and my bad. I will enjoy my journey fully, truly, and without apology." – Alex Elle

This is honestly perfect for today because from the moment I woke up this morning, I encountered a few small failures.

The first one? Forgetting to take my contacts out before going to bed last night. So I woke up wondering why my vision was slightly blurry, and why I couldn't really open my eyes fully. That would be why.

The second one? I got to work and, after thirty minutes of being there, realized I should have been there an hour ago. Oops. It was my first week with this new schedule change, and I'd completely forgotten. And I felt terrible because I'd let my co-teacher deal with seven one-year-olds for a solid hour or so all by herself. Oh boy.

And the last one? I was expecting to record a new spoken word poem tonight with a friend, and when I went to text him to make sure he was still coming, I realized I never answered his text from earlier this week about pushing back our time. So, who knows if that's even happening anymore tonight.

On top of those three failures, I haven't gone to the gym nearly as often as I normally do, and my eating habits have been total crap all week. If you were to ask me what I think my main source of food has been this week, I may answer chocolate. Whether or not that's true, I can't tell you. I just know that a whole ton of it has been consumed, more so than in the past few weeks. And I don't feel good about it.

You're probably reading all of that and thinking, Mishy, what. Okay, so what you did all those things, it's whatever.

But I don't take failures well because, as some of you already know from reading past posts of mine, I'm a perfectionist. Ever since I was a child, and realized the difference between a success and a failure, I vowed to myself that I'd be the one making all successes, and taking no "L's" ("losses" for those who don't know the slang), and it wasn't a good time for me or those around me when I failed. As I've grown older, I've done way better at accepting failures, but I still have my moments. Like today's three little failures didn't really affect me much; I did mentally kick myself a little though.

One of the failures I still take really hard though is when I repeat a mistake. Have you ever done that? Have you done something, failed, then tried again later in a different way, but then it still resulted in the same failure? I'm not talking about if you're trying to achieve a good goal and you try different ways to get there, and you fail in different ways. That's a part of learning and growing; it's a part of the process, the journey.

I'm talking about making a mistake, thinking you learned from that mistake, and vowing to yourself that you'll never make it again, and then getting yourself back in the same situation only through a different route. Even though you avoided the way in which the failure happened the first time, you somehow find yourself back at the same failure, only through a different outlet. Does that happen to anyone else? Is what I'm saying even making sense?

Anyways, even if I'm not making sense, I will say that I think failures are crucial to the journey. Elle says that "Just because we fail once, twice, or a few times, that doesn't mean we lose sight of the chances to start anew," and it's so true. I sometimes feel like when I fail, I've missed the opportunity for anything good to come out of that attempt, when really, I can still attempt again, and I can fail or maybe I'll succeed. It doesn't hurt to try; I can't be afraid to fail, or I'll never reach new heights in the things I want to accomplish.

And it's hard to sometimes push past the failures I've made. Am I the only one who sometimes sits there, and suddenly thinks of a time when I failed miserably at something, and I physically cringe because it hurts for me to think about it? I don't do this quite as often, but it still happens every once in a while. But again – without the failures, I would have never learned anything, and my journey would have never brought me to where I am today.

I also believe the Lord uses our failures to draw us closer to Him. If we never failed, we wouldn't have to rely so heavily on Him for direction, peace, wisdom. We are only human; imperfect beings in need of a perfect Savior. And failures are a major part of that journey! That doesn't mean we should want to fail; it just means we can expect to, and be okay with it, and be okay with learning something from it.

So, as I sit here, embracing my failures of the day, I am committed to enjoying the time I had today to live my life, and to take some major steps towards this journey of mine. Despite my failures, there were some successes: I was able to bring in a couple of more people into the #JustStartWriting family today. I got to run my errands after getting off of work at two o'clock. And even though I don't get to record my spoken word piece tonight, that means I get more time to practice saying it, and making it what I want it to be and sound like so I can perfect it when the time is right. And I get more time to do other things tonight!

Still so much to be grateful for despite the failures of the day. It's all just a part of life, and I thank God for it all.

#MishyWrites 🦋✨

“Today I Affirm…” with Alex Elle: Day 2 – Hurt to Heal to Grow

Today I Affirm:

"being hurt will not stop me from healing and moving forward." – Alex Elle

Words: "Hurt," "Healing," "Forward"

The other day, I thought about some recent hurts that occurred in my life, and how, if I hadn't gone through those things, I'd be a completely different person in a completely different place right now.

Truly, I am only the writer I am today because of a deep hurt that happened to me a little over a year ago; it pained me so much that it caused me to have to look for other things to focus on instead of aching day after day over the situation. I chose my writing as that outlet. And since then, God has been faithful in showing me that, as long as I continue to focus on Him despite the hurts that happen in my life, so much good can come out of it.

Now, do I wish more hurting situations upon myself? Well, my initial answer would be "no." It's never fun to be hurt. I remember the days when I was still wallowing in my pain, unable to think about anything or anyone else. I knew it wasn't healthy for me; I asked God to take away the pain, but also told Him that if He needed to teach me something through this, that I longed to learn from Him. Looking back a year later at how I was feeling then, and where I am now, it all makes sense.

In Alex Elle's email, she states that "The hard part was choosing to heal. The tricky part was facing my hurt and intentionally deciding that it would not win." And I completely agree with that. It's too easy to feel sorry for yourself, especially if a wrong was done to you. You feel like you have permission to then be sad and mad as much as for as long as you want. Now, it's okay to feel sad and mad at a situation; however, it isn't okay to stay there.

There has to be a conscious decision of hurt to heal to grow. Acknowledge that, yes, I was hurt. But I am going to allow myself to heal from this hurt, and through the healing, I will grow and learn about myself more than I could have had the hurt not occurred.

Some questions Elle asked in the email were…

How will you grow?

I think for right now, I'm growing when it comes to my time and my writing. Although there are consistent factors to my schedule, there's always something new being added during the day – a hangout with a friend, a recording session, a phone call, a grocery run. So, I'm still trying to learn how to manage the time I do have within my day.

For writing, I think I'm always trying new things. I did like a month or month-and-a-half of fiction writing after not touching that genre in years just so I could step away from my spoken word for a bit. And as I continue to write more-so in spoken word, I'm learning my own groove and pace in the written and spoken aspects of my writing.

Of course, there are other things I'm growing in, such as cooking actual meals from scratch instead of using a box or can (not that there's anything wrong with that, I just felt like now was the time to break out of my shell) and taking care of my body physically by going to the gym and watching what I eat and how much water I drink. And spiritually, I'm constantly learning; I'm in need of so much grace, and God has been so gracious to me as I fumble through this life. I'm humbled that He's still willing to teach me.

What are your steps to healing?

I don't think I've ever thought about the steps of healing, even though I know it's a process.

My initial reaction to healing is seeing what the Word says about it, even if there is no direct answer to the situation I'm healing from, there is always some sort of comfort or encouragement in the Bible somewhere. From there, I think on what exactly I need to do to make the appropriate steps in my healing process – it could mean reaching out to people I trust and asking them for help, or it could mean spending more time alone to process things. It could be taking a break from things I'm used to doing, and delving into new activities.

So, in that way, I know there are steps that need to be taken, but I feel like those steps change depending on the circumstances.

As Elle said, healing is hard; I know I would rather complain about my situation than choose to grow from it. And even after choosing to heal and grow from a hurt, the process isn't easy, and it isn't short. But I definitely believe it is worth it.

Turning to God, and asking Him to heal me, I didn't know what I was getting myself into – weeks that turned into months of constantly questioning the place I was in, only to come back to the conclusion that I didn't have to know the answer but simply trust that He knew what He was doing. I didn't think my pain would turn me into this – a writer, a spoken-word artist, a creator/leader of a writing community.

It's humbling, and I'm extremely grateful

#MishyWrites 🦋✨