“To Be Yourself” (“April 9” poem)

Good morning from Cabo San Lucas, Mexico!

I’ve been here for a couple of days already, but I haven’t been blogging because of all the busyness. But here I am! I hope your week has gotten off to a great start.

My week has started off rather lovely. For those who don’t know, I wrote a poem that has been featured in a song titled “April 9” created by SodTp (you can find it on Spotify and iTunes under the artist name “SodTp”). Only pieces of the poem have been used for the song, so here is the full-version of the poem!

I hope that “April 9” and “To Be Yourself” speak to you and inspire you in some way, shape, or form. Even though it’s difficult to want to be someone else or have what someone else has, or to hear those criticisms from the people in your life, you are you, and it’s time to embrace who you are and where you are in life.

And I’ve said this so many times, but THANK YOU to SodTp for the opportunity to share my words on this track, to the people who’ve been following SodTp and now follow me and have expressed such love and support

I give you, “To Be Yourself.”

To Be Yourself

There are days in which I wish that I could
Sit in the skin of another person.
There are times I wanna
Take pieces and parts of other people,
And place them on top of me to
Hide what’s within.
To hide my soul.
To hide who I really am.

And I know sometimes you get like that too.
You’d rather be somebody else than
Embrace everything that you are.
But you don’t need to look farther than yourself.

It’s time to stop frontin’;
To stop pretending to be somethin’ or
Or someone you’re not.
You’re the only you the world has to claim.
There may be someone out there who has the
Same name as you but
You were intricately woven and
Uniquely designed, yes,
There are things in this world you were specifically chosen for.
But you gotta stop lookin’ everywhere else to
Be who you wanna be.

To be yourself.

#MishyWrites #April9

💙 Mishy 🦋

So Much Stronger.

I was reading my Bible this morning, and as I was flipping towards Acts (where I am currently reading), I opened up in Matthew, and a note card lay there.

On one side was a small list of “Jesus is…” notes I had made back when I was on Tybee Island. And on the other side in yellow Sharpie, these words were written:

“You are SO MUCH STRONGER than what he makes you feel like.”

I had to think about the context of this note card, and once I remembered, it amazed me to think how far I’d come since this situation.

These words were from a friend of mine, who had just heard the recent developments that I’d given her about the circumstance, and this was one of the lines she’d sent me in her many text messages. I wrote it down on a note card, and stuck it on my bedroom wall back on Tybee to remind me of the conversation, and to remind me that it was definitely true.

And as soon as I saw this note card, I knew I wanted to write about it. I knew I wanted to share it and the thoughts I had about it with people I knew were going through a similar situation I went through.

But this note card and its saying honestly speak volumes to me; because the “he” could be “it” or “they.” As a Christian, I believe that I am so much stronger than what I feel like sometimes – I’m so much stronger than the feelings of worry or fear. I am so much stronger than the circumstances of my life because I depend on the power of Jesus. I am more than a conqueror.

Now, of course, there are days when I don’t believe it as much. The world can really push my and your buttons sometimes, and our situations can make us believe that we are inadequate to handle them. They can make us feel that we are weak, incapable of getting out of the hole that we’ve found ourselves at the bottom of, unsure of how we got there. And I think it’s helpful as Christians to be reminded that, yes, although we are humans who make mistakes, we have the Holy Spirit instilled in us to help us through our circumstances, to push us further than we could on our own, to make us braver than we ever could be.

Yes, with the Holy Spirit, we are SO MUCH STRONGER than we could ever imagine. And thinking all of this makes me really want to challenge myself to affirm this thought every day. Because it’s easy to say, “Well, yeah, I have the Holy Spirit, and He’s powerful…,” but to really rest in that, and to live moment by moment, even through the difficulties of life, knowing that the capability to surpass that loneliness, that rejection, that fear of failure is within me? I mean, how powerful is that? I feel like it’s so powerful, I’m not even sure I can comprehend it in this life, but I pray that I can have a glimpse of it.

So tonight, I want to assure you – yes, you, dear reader – that you are SO MUCH STRONGER than whatever is going on in your life right now. That you are capable of moving past the hurt that others have brought upon you. That you are secure enough and strong enough to surrender your worries and fears to the Lord because He cares for you.

Through Christ, you are SO MUCH STRONGER than…[fill in the blank].

#MishyWrites

💙 Mishy 🦋

another writer’s rant (sorry lol)

There are some poets, thinkers, writers that I follow, and you know, I honestly long to be like them.

They’re able to tweet such profound thoughts that just click with you immediately, causing you to want to retweet instantly. Their writings also fit you like the perfect puzzle piece, as if they’d been spying on you during a season of your life, and decided to write works based on your experiences.

The power to relate to people – that is something I long for.

Not to say that I haven’t had those moments; I’ve had people comment on my posts, or message me saying that they really related to what I wrote about. And in those moments, I am grateful and super humbled. Like, who am I that someone should feel touched by my writing?

I know that that isn’t all my writing is about; there’s definitely more to it than just wanting to connect with people, although that is a huge motivator as to why I do it.

But connecting with people can also be a major pressure. I will admit, after I got some attention and recognition for my piece “Some Nights,” I was tempted in two major ways:

1. Believing  I Had “Made It”

Did I accomplish something cool and amazing? Yes, and I will forever be grateful for it because it was an opportunity given to me. But it was just a step; a major step that would really push me and motivate me to work towards some major goals. But nothing that would totally define me as “making it.” There’s still work to do.

And I think this type of thinking is something that’s hindering me from working. Even though I am pretty much on the bottom of the food chain here, I feel pride wanting to step in and be like, “Well, you accomplished this already, people should be asking you to do this or that. Or this opportunity should be open to you.” Pride even comes when nothing’s been said about my writing, and I’ve worked so hard on it. Like, I put out a piece or a thought that I think is pretty well-written and then there’s silence. And I’m like…”Well did NO ONE read it?”

These are just honest thoughts I’ve had, but haven’t dwelled on knowing that if I dwell on them for too long, I’ll really start to believe it. And I’m just being honest because I’m only human; I’m definitely not perfect, and it’s a battle and struggle every day to, as Kendrick Lamar says, “sit down, be humble.”

2. “Give the People What They Want”

It’s also difficult sometimes to have people watching and waiting for your writing. Even though as a writer, it’s something I desire – like I want people to be impatient to read what I have next – but once I started getting a little more attention because of my writing, I found I had to work really hard to focus on God and my life, goals, etc. Being in constant prayer is a must; I am incapable of being selfless without the help of the Holy Spirit.

And focusing on what others’ want to hear from me is a major temptation, but it never produces anything genuine, or anything I feel comfortable with sharing.

Writing for other people, although super tempting to do, just isn’t good. I mean, yeah, eventually I want to be writing for other people, meaning I want to write a book for people to read. And I don’t see a problem in writing a piece or poem for someone asking for it specifically for a project or song or whatever.

But I never want to write something based on the sole reason that it’s “what the people want.” Because the saying goes “give the people what they want,” but when it comes to dictating what I write, I honestly don’t want to be that writer. I want whatever I write to be God-inspired because I know that if it is so, the people who need to read it or hear it will hear it or read it in the exact time they need it because the Lord wills it so.

I honestly don’t know where any of what I just wrote came from. Just some thoughts cycling in the back of my mind as I go throughout my day, I guess.

“Everyday grind.” a friend just texted me. And it’s no lie, it is a grind for real.

Prayers appreciated! And, if you anyone else feels like this – be it about writing, or anything else they’re passionate about – I’d love to know your thoughts! Email me, tweet at me, DM me, I feel like all my social media is pretty known!

Sweet dreams, luvvies!

#MishyWrites

💙 Mishy 🦋

 

walls.

“Story of my life I can’t quite comprehend. Don’t tell me if you know how it ends.”

These are some words from one of my favorite artists, The Rocket Summer i.e. Bryce Avary from his song “Walls.”

Honestly, I’ve been quite discouraged about where I am in my work. I’ve gotten pretty distracted by other projects, and other changes happening in my life (like work schedules and wisdom teeth surgery), and I feel like the clock is winding down on everything I need to accomplish, and because I’ve been doing a poor job at accomplishing things, I just need to surrender and realize it’s not going to get done.

I’ve been so discouraged that I almost didn’t do a #MotivationalMishyMonday tonight on Instagram live. Yes, I initially forgot about it, but the truth of the matter is, once I realized I needed to do it, I didn’t want to because I as feeling down and out. How could an unmotivated person like me go on Instagram and try to be all motivational for other people?

Just as I wrote about in my last post about being single, I was tempted to create another wall; a wall that hindered me from doing the work I knew needed to get done. A wall that discouraged me from even taking a step in the right direction towards accomplishing my goals. A wall of keeping silent about struggling through being unmotivated. And wanting to build this wall made me not want to do an IG live.

“I’ll help you break the walls down.”

But I’m so glad I went live; because I was very honest with the people who were live with me about how I was feeling about everything I was working on, and each person gave me some amazing pieces of advice that I feel like I needed to hear.

Even though I expressed this a little during the live, I want to thank each and every person who was there and who encouraged me, or even just talked to me tonight. Even though we may not know each other well or personally, your presence was needed in this exact moment in my life, and the Lord knew it.

This isn’t to say that people who didn’t join the live weren’t or aren’t as helpful to me in my times of discouragement. But here in this moment, I needed to hear the words that were said (or typed). I normally go on IG live to encourage others, but a lot of the time, I find that I am encourage by the people who join.

So, with another week officially started, I am willing to really re-prioritize why I’m doing all that I’m doing (thank you, Hannah). I’m ready to keep praying more and seeking the Lord on all that is going on. I’m ready to change my space; to rearrange some things so that my mind isn’t distracted by things surrounding me (thank you, Brittany). I am currently texting my best friend about what’s going on, telling her my feelings, and asking for advice and prayer (thank you, MiMi).

Thank you all for helping break my walls down. Thank you to Bryce Avary for writing and making music that will help re-focus my intentions, and express what I’m feeling. Thank You, Jesus, for a three-day weekend, and another start to a new week.

Philippians 4:13 – “I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.”

#MishyWrites

💙 Mishy 🦋

“i say, ‘I’m Fine,’ but i’m not.”

Okay, I’m going to admit something…

Earlier this week, I was struggling a lot with loneliness. It’s not that I don’t have friends, or family who love me. But, come on…I’m a woman in her early twenties, aaaaand I’m single. And I’ve been single for a long time. My whole life, actually. I don’t like to point that out, but I mean, it’s a fact.

And I think that sometimes, because I’m a Christian, I can’t admit that I’m sad that I’m single because I’m supposed to be satisfied and filled with the love of Jesus, and I’m not supposed to feel lonely or crave earthly affection or romantic love. But gosh darn it, I do, okay? I am human; the Lord created us for relationship with Him on the spiritual level, but He also created us to have relationships with each other. And I’ve never experienced that, romantically at least. And I’ll admit, sometimes I feel like I’m missing out on something.

I know (because I’ve been told by everyone who is in a romantic relationship, and have witnessed it) that romantic relationships are hard. But that doesn’t make me want one any less.

So, there are days when it doesn’t bother me that I’m single, and there are days when it bothers me a lot. I know I’m not the only one who’s felt like this, therefore, I feel no shame in admitting it. It’s hard out here, y’all. And yes, I have heard, and I understand all those encouraging sayings to all the single people out there such as: “Just be patient, the Lord has a plan for you.” (well, that plan may be that I’m single for the rest of my life, who knows, you know?)

I know that parents, friends, small group leaders, etc. say this to be encouraging, and sometimes it is encouraging, and man, sometimes it’s not. Waiting is hard. Being patient? HARD.

And during this period of waiting, I tend to put up this wall, this shield so that the loneliness, and all the other negative feelings that sometimes go along with being single, don’t phase me. Or so I would like to make myself and others think.

But no, underneath that shield, that armor, is a fragile human being that gets hit with all those emotions and all those feelings all at once, and just longs to be loved.

Now, I do believe that as a Christian, I should be hiding behind the love of Jesus instead of this figurative wall or shield or armor that I’m using to deny these feelings I have. I do believe that His love is the only one that truly satisfies. And I’ll be honest, there are days when I think I really understand this concept, and there are days I wonder how I could ever feel satisfied by it because somehow I don’t anymore. I’m still learning how to accept it, still growing in it, still wanting it.

Because I would rather not feel any of the feelings I feel in this super short poem I wrote, and truly understand His love. I’d rather just rest in Perfect Love that doesn’t leave, that casts out fear, that died for me and all the sins of humanity instead of hide behind this makeshift boundary I’ve created.

Maybe later I’ll write a redemptive portion for this poem, but for now, here we are with the vulnerable feelings, plain and simple. This is just how I feel sometimes. #TruthPrevails

“i say, ‘I’m Fine,’ but i’m not.”

Sometimes
I put on this armor,
Hold up this shield that deflects all of the
Hurt,
Loneliness,
Shame,
Pity,
Ugliness,
For just a little while.
The armor can only take so much
Before it falls apart,
And
All of the feelings
Hit me at once.

#MishyWrites

💙 Mishy 🦋

“fix my compass, Lord.”

I wrote this short little poem after a week of some stillness in my life. And when I say that, I mean spiritual stillness.

Life seemed to be going well that week; the days came and went. But I was just feeling like things were…too calm. Have you ever been suspicious when life seems to be going a little too smoothly? I’m not saying that we should be extremely skeptical when good things happen, or when we have easy days or weeks.

But the feeling I had was that I wasn’t growing or being tested. I wasn’t facing any trials, therefore I wasn’t learning anything new. And, as much as I crave easy weeks, I didn’t like the easiness I was feeling. I was feeling distant from God because of it; I longed for the Lord to challenge me, so that I could grow close to Him.

So, that’s when I wrote this.

“fix my compass, Lord.”

Sometimes it’s scary when
The sea is calm.
When there is nothing threatening you,
Attempting to pull you off course.
Days that are easy seem unbelievable.
To some, it means they’re on the right track
For me?
I feel that I need to be pointed back in
The right direction.

#MishyWrites

Mishy

“heavy promises.”

I wasn’t planning on posting this little poem until later, but in light of some recent situations, it got me thinking about it. This is straight from my journal, y’all…that’s how you know it’s real and raw. No edits, nothing. Totally authentic.

But lately I’ve been having to think about promises, and the ones people make. I know that I made some promises that I truly intended on keeping, and have kept. I also made promises that I intended on keeping, but after seeing how hazardous it was to myself either mentally, emotionally, spiritually, or all of the above, I couldn’t fully keep the promise the way I thought I could.

At first, I wasn’t okay with it; I felt like a hypocrite and a traitor for not being able to keep up with my promise. But then the Lord really began to speak to me, and show me that I am incapable of keeping some promises; that the weight and toxicity of the promises I made was not worth me trying to put my all into a specific situation, especially if it was causing me to take my focus off of my relationship with Him.

Just because I promise something, it doesn’t mean I have to execute that promise in the specific ways I always imagined it being executed in. My ideas of keeping that promise might be flawed, and maybe the only way I can keep that promise is to pray for someone and keep my distance, or simply text or call that person every once in a while.

Some promises just aren’t capable of being kept. Promising something is pretty heavy in itself, and I think that I personally need to learn to be more aware and cautious of exactly what I promise, and to whom I promise it too.

“heavy promises.”

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry that I can’t be the person you want me to be all the time for you. The respect I owe myself is way overdue, and I truly don’t think it’s selfish to want to have that back. All this time, I thought your back was against a wall; I thought you were the only one suffering, the only one in such a state that you couldn’t see past your past that’s stood above you, that’s had a grip around your neck for too long.

When all along, it was me. I was the one suffering under my own hand, suffocating myself to make you feel better because I couldn’t stand breaking a promise I told you I’d keep. I’d rather crucify myself than see you have the worst day of your life. I’d rather linger in the darkness as I tried, but failed to give you ray after ray of sunshine.

Some promises are too dangerous to be kept.

I’m sorry I can’t keep mine.

#MishyWrites

💙 Mishy 🦋