“One Word”

Yesterday, my church started a new series called, “Discover Your One Word,” and as we study the Bible, everyone in church is actively praying, seeking, and listening for the Lord to reveal one word in their life that they are to focus on for the year.

I wish I could relay all of the points of my pastor’s sermon yesterday about goals, visions, resolutions, hearing vs. listening to God because everything he taught yesterday was so extremely vital and important to following Jesus, even if you aren’t trying to figure out your one word for the year.

Being challenged together with the church to ask, seek, and listen to the Lord for one word is exciting and a little intimidating, if I’m honest. There’s always the question of “What if God doesn’t give me my word, but gives everyone else theirs?” or “What if I choose a word, and it’s what I personally want to work on this year, and not what God is calling me to?” But I believe that, as long as I am actively pursuing, seeking, and asking the Lord to reveal to me my one word, He will do so in His timing.

But I just wanted to share a few of the words that came to my mind yesterday during and after church that are things I can definitely work on this year, but am unsure if they are exactly my “one word”…

“Time”

Time is always something that people want to figure out in their lives – how much time to give to specific activities, when time can be carved out for self-care, spending more time with family or friends. When I thought of the word “time” yesterday, I thought about being present. I feel like my mind is always thinking about the next thing instead of actually thinking of where I am / what I’m doing in the moment. I’m already planning for tomorrow instead of living today. So, I could definitely do better at being present in this way.

But I also thought about being present with where my life is – working as a preschool teacher; having the friends and connections I have right now; having my writing, blogging, and other projects currently where they are. It can be a little frustrating to think about where I am right now because I’m not where I ultimately want to be.

Currently, I’m reading the book of Esther and, although this phrase is such a cliche in the Christian realm, the phrase “for such a time as this” kept coming to me, and making me think that maybe I am where I am in my life “for such a time as this” – for a specific reason, a specific purpose. The reason / purpose doesn’t have to be huge like it was in Esther’s life (to those unfamiliar with the story, the Lord allowed her to be queen to give her the opportunity to save her people from annihilation), but maybe I am where I am to learn a specific lesson, or to help a specific person, or simply to be content with where I am, and serve the Lord right where I am.

Thinking this way doesn’t mean I shouldn’t pursue the things I want to, but it does mean I don’t have to be frustrated with where my life is right now.

“Pride” or “Humility”

As I sat in my seat at church, the Lord brought these words to my mind.

Lately, I’ve been told that I’m really good at certain things, be it writing, dancing, singing, etc. And I truly appreciate the compliments – they really are a part of what keeps me going. However, I just felt the Holy Spirit telling me to “be careful.” Because yes, maybe I am good at all those things, but I don’t want them to go back to the glorification of myself. Because I’m not the one who made me a good writer or dancer, or a lovely singer; the Lord is the One Who created me, and gave me the talents and gifts that I have. And I feel like lately, I haven’t really thanked Him for that; I’ve simply been taking the compliments, and moving on to boost my ego.

What I’m not saying is that I should deny the compliments to act humble, but that when I receive a compliment, I should give thanks to God right then and there, to remind me that I am only who I am, and I can only do what I do because of Who He is, and who He created me to be.

“Fix your eyes” —–> “Focus”

My pastor said this phrase near the end of church, and it made me think that I should write it on a notecard, and tape it to my bedroom door so that I can see it right before I step outside to interact with anything or anyone. Because it’s a reminder for me to check myself: what am I focusing on before I walk out of my door? What do I plan to focus on throughout my day?

In order for me to really tune in to what God wants to reveal to me, I need to focus on Him. There are way too many outside distractions, especially during this time of year. My pastor mentioned that people are so focused on what their outside looks like right now – their health, their finances, their relationships – that they’re not fixing their eyes on what their inside is like. They’re not focused on Christ, and what He would have them to work towards. And if I’m honest, part of me has been focused on God, but a whole lot of me has not. So maybe “focus” will be my word this year.

 

No matter what my word is (even if it’s not any of the ones I just wrote about), I am excited to see what God is going to reveal and do throughout this year with my word, and I’m also excited to have the accountability of my church family to guide me through this. I’ll have to keep you all updated as to what my one word is / how it came about / when God revealed it to me!

#MishyWrites

“Me” Type of 2018

In the days before Christmas, I was already thinking about 2018, and how I want my overall attitude to be. If you follow me on Twitter, I’ve made a thread of the type of 2018 I’m going to have (that was fun, by the way haha).

2017 was really a year of growth for me, and now I feel like I’m ready for 2018 to be filled with action. But during, or even before I start planning all the actions, there needs to be some moments of active reflection on 2017…

I’m currently reading a poetry book entitled Pillow Thoughts by Courtney Peppernell, and it always amazes me how so many poets have so many thoughts that are just SO TRUE, and completely fit specific instances in my life.

And there have been several little poems of hers that have hit home for me as I reflect on 2017, and plan and envision what my 2018 will look like (again, with the openness that the Lord will move the way He so desires). So, for the next several days until the new year, I’m going to write a post on a few of Peppernell’s poems, and how they relate to my reflection and envisioning.

“When you have been someone  your whole life and suddenly you realize a part of you exists that you never realized before, it’s perhaps the hardest thing to walk away from the you that you have always known. To walk into the open arms of this new, redefined you is like saying, I don’t know you very well, but I want to.”

~ page 194, Pillow Thoughts, Courtney Peppernell

This poem perfectly describes how I feel like my 2017 has been – it was a year of revelation as the Lord showed me a part of who I am that I honestly didn’t know was there, and the year continued in confirmation as time after time He faithfully said, “Yes, this is who you are. This is who I created you to be.”

And a lot of my 2017 has been me trying to really grasp and embrace this part of me that the Lord has allowed me to discover – the poet / spoken word me. The me that I honestly was intimidated and scared of becoming, but that I now know is woven into who God has called me to be.

One of my favorite people ever, Arielle Estoria, said once that it’s amazing to see how God brings us back to the things we tend to run away from. For her, it was acting and being on stage. For me, it is writing poetry, and possibly speaking it on stages for people to hear. I’ve never really liked to perform, to be the center of attention for people to watch and stare at and take in. But now, after this year of confirmation, I’m determined to expose myself to the things I feel called to.

So yes, I’ve definitely felt moments of not knowing who this part of me was, and striving to get to know me. And I plan on going into 2018 with this me completely accepted.

I challenge you to look back into 2017, and ask yourself – were there things about yourself that you never knew that you had to face? Have you been afraid to accept who you are / who you’re called to be? How can you better embrace yourself going into 2018?

#MishyWrites #Typeof2018

 

*NEW WORDS ALERT: “The Butterfly” Project

Well, hello. Longtime, no write!

I feel like every time I’ve been gone from the blog for a long time, I always start out with how crazy things have been. And they have, indeed, been crazy; mostly in good ways, thankfully!

Most of you know what’s happening because I’ve been posting about it on Instagram every day for the past week, but to for those who don’t follow me on Instagram, and who don’t know…

Starting this Thursday, December 7th, aka MY BIRTHDAY, I am releasing the first part or chapter of this project entitled The Butterfly. I’ve been working on the poems incorporated into this for a very long time, and now I’m pleased that I’ll be dropping the first part for everyone to hear, read, experience.

That being said, I’ll be posting the written versions of both poems here on the blog, and uploading the audio versions to SoundCloud. I’m hoping to figure out how to get it on Spotify because I’ve had a few people ask me to do that.

While I’m extremely excited about this project, I’ll be honest, I’m also HELLA nervous. Putting so much effort into the work itself, and then also promoting it…whenever it gets really close to the day of a release, I start to second-guess myself. I start to wonder if I really put in 100% into the project, if I gave my all. I wonder if anyone will be disappointed to hear what I’ve created when it’s released because I hyped it up so much, and their expectations weren’t fulfilled. Doubt really starts to creep in, and fear longs to settle in my mind and heart.

But honestly, just like I’ve had to tell myself while I was in school…as long as I did my best, and I put in as much effort as I could, and I truly felt like the Lord was leading me to share this…I have nothing to fear. That doesn’t mean this project doesn’t have the potential to flop; it may very well. But that doesn’t mean I wasted my time. Through this project and process, I’m learning so much about myself, my writing, my voice, recording, promoting, everything.

And at the end of the day, these words are mine; first and foremost, I wrote them for me, to express myself and a part of who I am, and God allowed me to speak these things in an artistic way. The fact that anyone out there could somehow relate to it is a potential blessing.

So, in the next couple of days, expect some new spoken word words from me in the form of Part 1: The Caterpillar.

And also expect more blog posts because, geez, I miss doing this. LOL I always say that, but I don’t do it every day like I used to. I NEED TO BRING IT BACK, SOMEONE SEND HELP.

#MishyWrites 🦋✨

“no. 111517”

My feet shift under the quicksands of those too quick to commit,
And those too hesitant to even try.
I’ve fallen on my face one too many times and
I’m over it.
Yes, lessons were learned –
People came and went, some came back unexpectedly,
And yes,
I’m thankful for that.
How many times though do I need to find myself on my knees,
Asking God to please just have His way,
Knowing good and well that He’s going to, whether I like it or not?

The last time I adamantly prayed that prayer, you left.

And even though I convinced myself that I’d be okay,
That I’d be strong through it, and accept it for what it was,
I was weaker than I realized.

I crumbled.

And it took so long to rebuild myself again.
To allow the Lord to break me down just to show me what He could create in me,
Using me to mold something new.

Revealing someone I didn’t know lived inside of me.

And now that I it in this new skin,
This new form,
I can’t help but wonder sometimes who in the world could look at a creature like me and
Not be intimidated.
Who would dare take the risk of coming close to someone like me: someone so
Bold and beautiful,
Shining bright, laughing loud, speaking so much truth,
Who in their right minds would stand by my side,
Take my hand and
Love me?

Admittedly, there are days that the thought seems completely impossible.
But I know I have the comfort of my God,
Who knows my heart –
What it yearns for, what it needs –
He hears my questions,
My fears, my wonders,
He sees my fears,
And even though no one’s decided to
Step up and
Stand by me,
My God has always stood by me to gently tell me that
It is well. All is well with Him.
That He is capable of touching me deeper than anyone in this world ever could.
And even though my soul my waver between
It is well and
It is hard,
It is hurtful,
It is lonely…

I will wait.

#MishyWrites 🦋✨

writer’s thoughts – ad lib

Guyssss, it’s SO HARD to figure out what to write about / it’s hard because I’ll write poems, but I never know if I want to share them with you NOW, or wait until I put them in a book before I share them.

But sometimes the things I write just reflect a feeling I’m currently having, and it just…feels right, you know? It expresses exactly what I’m trying to communicate, and I hope and pray that it can resonate with someone else.

Yet (and I’ve written about this before) it’s hard because I definitely do want to be vulnerable, but how vulnerable is too vulnerable? All of these thoughts are running through my head tonight as I figure out exactly what to blog about.

Because it’s been a minute since I’ve tried to blog every day, and I miss it. I say that every time, and then fail to actually write every day, but I sincerely do miss blogging every day. Maybe it’s because I’m having a harder time figuring out what to write about; maybe I’ve lost the ability to observe, and really be present in my day-to-day so I can actually write about something that I truly have noticed in my life.

Things are a whirlwind, honestly. I lie in my bed at night after every day that goes by, and I think, “Has today already gone by? Am I already in bed again, ready to sleep, praying to be blessed with another day tomorrow?” And I hate wishing away days; too many times I’ll be at work, and think, “I can’t wait until this week is over,” yet someone in the world wasn’t blessed to see the end of the week, or even the end of the day, for that matter.

I don’t know…just a lot going on in my head, and still, I’m unsure of exactly where this blog post is going.

I sometimes feel like an inadequate writer / blogger because my posts are so random sometimes, and nonconsecutive. I stick to the saying that in order for a writer to get better, you have to write every day, and I feel that about any gift or talent – take a step every day towards something you want to accomplish, succeed in, keep alive. Yet, do I write every day? Honestly, no. And it pains me so much. How can I say I’m a writer, yet not do what I hold so strongly to? Yes, life happens, but isn’t there a way I can fit in what truly matters into my daily life?

And then I think…some of the greatest writers/bloggers I know don’t blog every day. They only hit the highlights, and they’re posts are truly meaningful, while I’m stuck here at my laptop, trying to concoct something, pulling poems from old journals so I can say that, yes, I in fact did have something to post onto the blog today. But what if I should just drop the whole “blog every day” thing, and just blog when there have been some major, significant thoughts instead of the modern-day ramblings of a writer? I’m pretty sure I’ve also posted something about this thought process as well. I reach this point, and tell myself that I don’t have to be like other writers – I don’t have to emulate everything other writers do in order for me to be a good, respected writer. I can take my time and craft out my thoughts, or I can sit down and write a real, messy bunch of words to post onto my blog.

There’s freedom in doing what I love; there is no formula. I just want to continue creating, writing, doing, moving forward in this.

And that’s a major fear I have about all of this writing – what if I put in the work, and nothing good comes from it? I honestly can’t really say / think that as someone who’s blog has truly grown in the past year since I’ve revamped it, worked on it, written so many thoughts, stories, posts, poems…There truly is growth in the work I’ve put in. So there should be no worries about not moving forward.

And even if there hasn’t been any growth, there shouldn’t be worries because God knows what He’s doing, even if I don’t know. There have been so many times I’ve written something, kind of just tossing it onto the page to post it, and someone was blessed by what I had to say, and I didn’t even think what I wrote was “important,” or “worthy enough” for someone to be touched by it. I’m blessed that God has been using me to speak, even when I didn’t think I was being used.

Don’t know where I was going with this post…I honestly think that there is a time every once in a while where I’ll just ramble on a page, hoping what I say makes sense, so I plaster the title “writer’s thoughts” onto it, and hope for the best!

These are things I’ve just been thinking. If you resonated with any of these thoughts, I’d love to hear which one(s), and how it resonated with you so please comment below, or email me, get in contact with me somehow, and we can chat it up!

Halfway through the week, yay! Ready to see what the rest of the week holds.

#MishyWrites 🦋✨

Two Years Ago…

This morning, my newly downloaded Google photos app notified me that I should look back on this day, two years ago. Curious, I opened the notification to pictures of me, my sister, and my best friend Bria at Mojo Burrito and then at an Issues concert.

I remember the day like it was yesterday.

Two years ago today, it was a school night; a Thursday. I probably got someone to cover my library work shift so I could go to this concert. Before leaving town, the three of us got dinner at Mojo Burrito, then  made our way to Atlanta. I remember realizing we were going to be late to the concert, which meant it would probably be harder to try to find parking for the venue, and we might miss some good opening acts.

My usual self would be visibly frustrated, to the point in which my sister would attempt to calm me down, but only irritate me more, which would then cause Bria to truly calm me down. But I clearly remember making the conscious decision to just let everything play out instead of worrying and freaking out, which made the car ride down more enjoyable.

And when we got to the venue after sitting through some typical Atlanta traffic? A couple left their parking spot that was right across the street from the venue, and I was able to perfectly parallel park into it. When we got into the venue, we’d missed one or two opening acts, but we were still able to catch the main two bands we wanted to see (PVRIS and Issues), plus we got to meet Bad Seed Rising after the show too.

The night ended with a trip to McDonald’s for fries and a large sweet tea, what would become a regular post-concert snack for me. And once we got back to campus at like 2:30am, Bria and I were still awake enough to take a picture of us wearing our Issues shirts.

And I remember at the end of the night thinking and expressing to Bria how I’d just let go of the frustrations I was wanting to hold onto, and allowed God to move throughout the night, and He’d provided in so many awesome ways. He didn’t have to, but he did, and it was awesome to be a part of that amazing night.

Crazy how that was all two years ago; how I could remember all those details, and remember that that was probably one of the first nights I actively trusted God with a situation, and I watched Him provide. Two years later, and I would see so many more of these kinds of situations in my life, and I’m grateful for every single one of them, and how they’ve all shaped me, my faith, my perspective.

With me actively getting back to work with writing and whatnot, this was the type of reminder I needed: that I could let go of the fear, the worry, the frustration that this process has the potential to cause, and just have faith that God will work His way through every single detail.

Happy Saturday, luvvies, aka my favorite day of the week! Whatever you’ve got going on today, I pray that you’ll release any fears, worries, and frustrations; call on God; and watch Him work through your circumstances. He hears you. He knows your heart and your desires. Trust in Him.

#MishyWrites 🦋✨

I’m Alive…

Wow. It’s definitely been a minute since I put my fingers to the keys, and blogged. I’ve done some writing outside of blogging, but geez, I have definitely missed this outlet.

A lot has been going on in my life recently. My best friend Bria came into town for several days, so that was a major adventure. Then right after that, I began my move to a new living situation with another one of my best friends Caylin into a house, not an apartment. The transition hasn’t been rough, although if I’m honest, it’s really shaken up some things for me physically, financially, mentally, and spiritually. Surprisingly, not so much emotionally – I think in that aspect, I was ready for the change. A new season brings new challenges, yes, but it also brings new adventures and possibilities.

Well, as the move was happening, I got a head cold, which made me really slow down this past weekend, and think about my current situation. In some ways, I didn’t think I’d ever see myself here – you can read that in either a positive or negative way, because I was feeling both. And I wasn’t sure how to handle it.

But after refocusing spiritually – pushing myself to go to church on Sunday, even in sickness – I was reminded of the hope I have in Christ, not the hope I have in my circumstances or situations. So…

Even though I hadn’t moved in all my stuff in the timeline I thought I would move in…
Even though I unexpectedly got sick, and had to take some time to recover…
Even though I didn’t have much money to do / get all the things I wanted in regards to the house, or even socially…

I am alive. And I’m very well.

I took some time to game-plan for my writing. Not so much blog…I’m talking bigger projects, hopefully things that will be released within this year and into the next. I’m so excited.

Honestly, I’ve been extremely distracted, and unmotivated – despite encouraging and motivating others, I found myself in sort of a rut, unable to really push forward into some of the things I wanted to do. But I think the Lord has used everything that’s happened recently – from my best friend being into town, to the move into my new house, to even being sick – to steer me into the direction I need to go.

So, here we go.

I’m alive. Very well. And ready to work.

#MishyWrites 🦋✨