To Be Kind.

Today, I officially started “the grind” towards the goals I have with my spoken word / poetry. I’ve had so many ideas floating around in my mind, and I’m finally taking steps towards them coming to fruition, all the while still learning how to take steps in taking care of myself in the process. Nothing is able to be done if I don’t take care of myself, and respect myself in the ways I need to.

Along with this first day of “the grind,” I started with a challenge. And now, I’m determined to have a challenge to accomplish with all the goals I have to accomplish as well.

Today’s challenge: Say something kind to someone you find it hard to be kind to.

I find myself silently, or even verbally judging those with whom I find it hard to click with. Maybe we don’t vibe well, or maybe that person, in my eyes, is too proud or rude, the list goes on. But, a tweet / IG story by Reyna Biddy I think spurred me onto this challenge…

“don’t be too quick to call somebody weird because they’re different from you.”

After reading this, I thought to myself, How many times have I called someone “weird” because they were different than me? What is that person going through? Why am I so adamant about being myself despite other people’s opinions, when that person could be being themselves, and I’m judging them for it?

So, I decided to challenge myself (and anyone else who follows me on social media) to say something kind to someone I didn’t necessarily like, or maybe someone I deemed different than myself. I thought it would be easy, honestly; not that I find it hard to be kind to a lot of people, but I thought that I would have had someone specific in mind.

But truthfully, I’m sitting at Starbucks, and I haven’t accomplished this challenge yet. And it’s dinner time. And I thought I would’ve run into someone that I didn’t necessarily click with, and be able to give them a kind word, but I’ve run into people, and there isn’t necessarily anyone I would say that I find it hard to be kind to.

I mean, maybe; it’s not like I’m looking for people to hate haha! But I think this challenge of kindness has made me think about the genuineness of my kindness.

Because, there’s this little thing called “southern hospitality” – you know, where you’re kind to someone to their face, because it’s the polite thing to do, but later when you’re with your friends or family, you talk about them in a different way than you would have when they were standing in front of you. And while I have been kind to many people today, and they aren’t any people I find it hard to be kind to…was I being sincere?

Did I really care that they lived in a certain area, or that they were working on “x, y, z”? Was I asking the typical “how are you?” questions because I actually cared, or because I just wanted to avoid the awkwardness of talking to someone I hadn’t seen in a long time? Was I so stuck in the “southern hospitality” mindset, or just the being polite in general mindset, that I couldn’t tell if I was being genuinely kind or not?

I would like to think that I was being sincere with my kindness; that I wasn’t just being nice for the minute or two I was talking with someone. But I don’t know…a challenge like that just makes you think about the day-to-day things, people, and situations you encounter.

With that in mind, I do still encourage everyone to be kind, and be sincere about it; don’t just say something to check it off a list, or to accomplish a goal. Truly be kind because you don’t know what people are going through, and a kind, encouraging word can go a long way for someone, whether you like them or not.

#MishyWrites 🦋✨

writer’s thoughts – ad lib

Guyssss, it’s SO HARD to figure out what to write about / it’s hard because I’ll write poems, but I never know if I want to share them with you NOW, or wait until I put them in a book before I share them.

But sometimes the things I write just reflect a feeling I’m currently having, and it just…feels right, you know? It expresses exactly what I’m trying to communicate, and I hope and pray that it can resonate with someone else.

Yet (and I’ve written about this before) it’s hard because I definitely do want to be vulnerable, but how vulnerable is too vulnerable? All of these thoughts are running through my head tonight as I figure out exactly what to blog about.

Because it’s been a minute since I’ve tried to blog every day, and I miss it. I say that every time, and then fail to actually write every day, but I sincerely do miss blogging every day. Maybe it’s because I’m having a harder time figuring out what to write about; maybe I’ve lost the ability to observe, and really be present in my day-to-day so I can actually write about something that I truly have noticed in my life.

Things are a whirlwind, honestly. I lie in my bed at night after every day that goes by, and I think, “Has today already gone by? Am I already in bed again, ready to sleep, praying to be blessed with another day tomorrow?” And I hate wishing away days; too many times I’ll be at work, and think, “I can’t wait until this week is over,” yet someone in the world wasn’t blessed to see the end of the week, or even the end of the day, for that matter.

I don’t know…just a lot going on in my head, and still, I’m unsure of exactly where this blog post is going.

I sometimes feel like an inadequate writer / blogger because my posts are so random sometimes, and nonconsecutive. I stick to the saying that in order for a writer to get better, you have to write every day, and I feel that about any gift or talent – take a step every day towards something you want to accomplish, succeed in, keep alive. Yet, do I write every day? Honestly, no. And it pains me so much. How can I say I’m a writer, yet not do what I hold so strongly to? Yes, life happens, but isn’t there a way I can fit in what truly matters into my daily life?

And then I think…some of the greatest writers/bloggers I know don’t blog every day. They only hit the highlights, and they’re posts are truly meaningful, while I’m stuck here at my laptop, trying to concoct something, pulling poems from old journals so I can say that, yes, I in fact did have something to post onto the blog today. But what if I should just drop the whole “blog every day” thing, and just blog when there have been some major, significant thoughts instead of the modern-day ramblings of a writer? I’m pretty sure I’ve also posted something about this thought process as well. I reach this point, and tell myself that I don’t have to be like other writers – I don’t have to emulate everything other writers do in order for me to be a good, respected writer. I can take my time and craft out my thoughts, or I can sit down and write a real, messy bunch of words to post onto my blog.

There’s freedom in doing what I love; there is no formula. I just want to continue creating, writing, doing, moving forward in this.

And that’s a major fear I have about all of this writing – what if I put in the work, and nothing good comes from it? I honestly can’t really say / think that as someone who’s blog has truly grown in the past year since I’ve revamped it, worked on it, written so many thoughts, stories, posts, poems…There truly is growth in the work I’ve put in. So there should be no worries about not moving forward.

And even if there hasn’t been any growth, there shouldn’t be worries because God knows what He’s doing, even if I don’t know. There have been so many times I’ve written something, kind of just tossing it onto the page to post it, and someone was blessed by what I had to say, and I didn’t even think what I wrote was “important,” or “worthy enough” for someone to be touched by it. I’m blessed that God has been using me to speak, even when I didn’t think I was being used.

Don’t know where I was going with this post…I honestly think that there is a time every once in a while where I’ll just ramble on a page, hoping what I say makes sense, so I plaster the title “writer’s thoughts” onto it, and hope for the best!

These are things I’ve just been thinking. If you resonated with any of these thoughts, I’d love to hear which one(s), and how it resonated with you so please comment below, or email me, get in contact with me somehow, and we can chat it up!

Halfway through the week, yay! Ready to see what the rest of the week holds.

#MishyWrites 🦋✨

“…In Perfect Peace.”

When I was little, my sister and I had a hard time getting up in the morning, despite being sent to bed at 7pm, when the sun was still out (do I sound bitter about that? Hmm, maybe. I mean, nowadays, I might be more appreciative about a 7pm bedtime haha!). To help with our sluggishness in the morning, Honey, my stepmom would let us sit in her lap as she rocked us, and sang a song.

But not just any song, mind you…we were each assigned a different gospel song she would sing, and I think maybe she sang both to us if we needed the extra time. Truly, this maybe five minute window in our morning was one of my favorite times as a child. Sure, I would fall asleep again. I mean, who wouldn’t when they were being rocked and sung to?

Yet, even in my half-awake/half-asleep state, I clearly remember the lyrics to the song Honey sang to me every morning…

“You are my peace. You are my peace. You are my peace, and I worship Thee. You have delivered my soul, from the snare of the enemy. In the midst of my storm, You held and protected me. If I just keep my mind on Thee, You’ll keep me in perfect peace.”

That’s just one of the verses, but it’s the main one I can remember hearing Honey sing every weekday morning when I was growing up. As a child, I thought it was a beautiful song (and, of course, a beautiful time for me because I got a little more time to shut my eyes!). But I recently thought of that song because I was feeling very unstable in a lot of ways.

Physically I was still battling all the sicknesses I had contracted from work. Not to mention, I had just moved into a new home, and was still acclimating to the fact that this was my home now, and would be for the next year at least.

Spiritually I hadn’t touched my Bible in a while. I had been scrambling through a routine, waking up later than I usually had so I wasn’t getting my morning devotions in. At night, I wasn’t turning to the Bible either, and my prayer life seemed totally disconnected.

Mentally I was just as scrambled as I was spiritually. I had so many things to think about – finances, moving things, trying to sell things, buying things for the house – and even though all of my belongings were settled into the new house, I definitely hadn’t settled into everything yet.

Emotionally Honestly, I think emotionally I was okay, just because I felt like this was the only part of me that I could control. There were moments of frustration, for sure. But overall, I felt like since I couldn’t take control of myself in other aspects, the least I could do was hold myself together here.

It’s honestly a blessing that the Lord placed this song back into my heart and mind during this time. Immediately, I looked up the song on Google to see who originally sang it, and then found it on Spotify for me to listen to as I was getting ready for bed one night (I’m not sure if she’s the original artist, but I’m currently listening to Juanita Bynum’s version of “Peace”). And hearing the words again brought back my childhood, but most importantly reminded me where my peace comes from.

There’s a lot going on in the world right now – a lot of chaotic events, such as natural disasters, attacks, threats of attacks. And that doesn’t even include what’s happening in your personal life on the day-to-day. But I wanted to encourage you that there is true peace found in Christ Jesus. When there is nowhere else to run, when you feel like you’ve completely drained out all your options, even when you think you have it all together, you truly are not at rest, and you truly do not have peace unless it is peace that comes from God Almighty.

I listened to this song the rest of that night until bed, and again several times the next morning. And I now have that song on a separate playlist specifically for peace because, as a worrier and perfectionist (thank God not so much now as I used to be, but I’m not perfect), I need to remember Who my peace is, and why He is my peace – God has shown Himself faithful in my life over and over again. And because of Who He is, and all He has done, I strive to keep my mind on Him, and to worship Him.

So, thank you Honey for permeating my life with such Truth, even at such a young age in such a sweet way. If I ever have children, I long to do pass down the tradition of singing “Peace” over them.

To those who’d love to take a listen, here’s the song from Spotify…

#MishyWrites 🦋✨

no perfection needed.

I thought this thought in church a week ago…

It’s crazy how in the most transitional  moments of my life, I tend to step away from God more.

You would think that when life was the most unstable, I’d lean on God more, but the past couple of weeks with me moving into a new house, trying to get into a good routine, and then getting sick a couple of times have proved to me that I don’t spend as much time in the Word as I normally would, especially when my routine is out of whack. I think a part of me wants to get the rest of myself together before I can insert my quiet time or devotional time in, and that just seems backwards.

Admittedly, I’m getting uncomfortable just typing this out; seriously, I’m squirming in my chair right now. Rarely do I get physically uncomfortable from typing something like this out, but I guess my spirit is just cringing at the thought of how messed up this is. When things go awry is when most people turn to God, yet I choose to take a step back. Why is that?

I think there are several different reasons why I do this. These reasons may seem weird, but after thinking about this for a week, I truly believe that these are the thoughts I go through, which lead me to not turn to God as much.

“I Got This…”

Even though I’m under the weather, I feel like I’ve been sick enough times in my life to know how to take care of  myself. And while I may know things like what to drink that’ll relieve my symptoms, that doesn’t mean I should stop praying to God and asking to heal me.

“God’s Not a Genie”

I want to avoid going to God simply to ask for things, such as healing or motivation to get things done. So, instead of speaking to Him, I avoid Him, or I just don’t talk to Him as much as I did when I was feeling 100%. And I know that’s silly…we’re called to speak to God, for our needs, our heart’s desires…He knows them all anyway. So, why don’t I want to come before Him in prayer, and ask to be healed?

“I Don’t Have it All Together”

One major thought that I don’t really think about when I make the conscious decision to not spend time in the Word or pray during times in which I really need God is this: “I don’t have everything together, God. I’m not healthy enough. I’m not settled enough. My room isn’t clean enough for me to be in Your Presence.”

That last thought seems silly, but if I’m honest, I think there is a part of me that feels like I am not worthy enough to go before my Lord and Savior unless I am 100% healthy. Unless I’m way  more organized in my agenda. Now, I am only worthy to go before God because of Jesus’ death on the Cross. But that does mean that I can come as I am – God doesn’t need me to be perfect for me to come to Him. He will take me and all my mess; He isn’t afraid of my germs when I’m sick, or my messy room and lifestyle. He isn’t worried that He can’t move amidst my laziness or unmotivated moments. He is able to work through it all. And so often, I forget that.

As I sit in my dining room, still recovering from a cold, and trying to organize myself for the work week ahead, my goal is to start reminding myself every day that God is able; He hasn’t failed me yet. And that I can go to Him with all of my mess because it doesn’t scare Him, even though it may scare me.

There’s no need for me to run away when the safest place I can be is with Him.

#MishyWrites 🦋✨

speaking in silence.

Today, I lost my voice.

It’s that time of year when all the sicknesses are going around. I’d just gotten over a cold, and I guess maybe I really hadn’t gotten over it since this week I’ve been coughing, and now my voice has decided to leave me probably due to all the coughing, talking, singing, and yelling I’ve done throughout my week at work, home, with friends, etc.

Honestly, not being able to speak or sing is kind of frustrating for me. Especially since something I do and am passionate about is spoken word. I want to be able to practice, to hear myself say the things I’ve written. And I love to sing as I’m doing things throughout the house, and especially when I’m at work singing to the one-and-a-half to two-year-olds in my class.

It was interesting to go through today without my voice. If truly necessary, I would whisper, but for the most part I tried to give my vocal cords a rest and remain silent. Thankfully, both of my co-teachers were able to talk to the kids when I couldn’t, and sing when I couldn’t. I thought today would be more frustrating than it actually proved to be.

listen here…

Instead of being a voice in my world today, I’ve done a lot of listening.

Instead of…

…singing along to songs I played on my way to work
…talking to, yelling at, singing to the kids in my class
…having a lot to talk about with my co-workers

I was able to…

…listen to and really connect with the lyrics to the songs I was listening to.
…listen to my kids, and observe things I probably normally wouldn’t have.
…listen to what my co-workers had to say, whether it be about work, life, etc.

Having a voice is a powerful thing, but there was a lot of power in listening as well. I was shocked, honestly, to see some of my kids still understand me as I pointed to toys they should pick up and put in a box, and they did exactly that, without me verbally asking them to. It was as if they understood my motions and actions more than they understood the words. You’re probably thinking, “Well, yeah, Mishy, they’re only two-years-old,” but we’re encouraged to really talk with the kids so they can begin to verbalize their needs and wants to us, and ultimately talk in small, somewhat sentences.

still communicating

I also thought about how my facial expressions could express the same emotion just as well, and maybe even more so without me having to verbalize an expression like, “Oh no!” or “Yay!”And this thought led me to how awesome it is that God created different ways to express ourselves even when one part of expression is limited.

And I am thankful that, despite not having an audible voice, I’m still capable of using words or facial expression to communicate. That even though I’ve lost my voice today, I truly haven’t lost my voice altogether.

I can still speak through the silence.

This is also a lesson in thankfulness. I’m never truly grateful for something I have all the time until it’s gone. I normally have my voice, so I don’t ever think about losing it until it’s gone. So, even though I am thanking God for ways to communicate through the silence, I will learn to be more grateful for my voice – to be able to talk to my loved ones, to be able to sing my favorite songs, to be able to speak the spoken word things I’ve written.

Just finished drinking boiled OJ + honey for the second time today. Don’t knock it until you try it – a friend of mine from college suggested it to me when I lost my voice one time in school, and it truly did help me gain my voice back. Only, I’m almost out of OJ. So, to drinking green tea it is!

#MishyWrites 🦋✨

Two Years Ago…

This morning, my newly downloaded Google photos app notified me that I should look back on this day, two years ago. Curious, I opened the notification to pictures of me, my sister, and my best friend Bria at Mojo Burrito and then at an Issues concert.

I remember the day like it was yesterday.

Two years ago today, it was a school night; a Thursday. I probably got someone to cover my library work shift so I could go to this concert. Before leaving town, the three of us got dinner at Mojo Burrito, then  made our way to Atlanta. I remember realizing we were going to be late to the concert, which meant it would probably be harder to try to find parking for the venue, and we might miss some good opening acts.

My usual self would be visibly frustrated, to the point in which my sister would attempt to calm me down, but only irritate me more, which would then cause Bria to truly calm me down. But I clearly remember making the conscious decision to just let everything play out instead of worrying and freaking out, which made the car ride down more enjoyable.

And when we got to the venue after sitting through some typical Atlanta traffic? A couple left their parking spot that was right across the street from the venue, and I was able to perfectly parallel park into it. When we got into the venue, we’d missed one or two opening acts, but we were still able to catch the main two bands we wanted to see (PVRIS and Issues), plus we got to meet Bad Seed Rising after the show too.

The night ended with a trip to McDonald’s for fries and a large sweet tea, what would become a regular post-concert snack for me. And once we got back to campus at like 2:30am, Bria and I were still awake enough to take a picture of us wearing our Issues shirts.

And I remember at the end of the night thinking and expressing to Bria how I’d just let go of the frustrations I was wanting to hold onto, and allowed God to move throughout the night, and He’d provided in so many awesome ways. He didn’t have to, but he did, and it was awesome to be a part of that amazing night.

Crazy how that was all two years ago; how I could remember all those details, and remember that that was probably one of the first nights I actively trusted God with a situation, and I watched Him provide. Two years later, and I would see so many more of these kinds of situations in my life, and I’m grateful for every single one of them, and how they’ve all shaped me, my faith, my perspective.

With me actively getting back to work with writing and whatnot, this was the type of reminder I needed: that I could let go of the fear, the worry, the frustration that this process has the potential to cause, and just have faith that God will work His way through every single detail.

Happy Saturday, luvvies, aka my favorite day of the week! Whatever you’ve got going on today, I pray that you’ll release any fears, worries, and frustrations; call on God; and watch Him work through your circumstances. He hears you. He knows your heart and your desires. Trust in Him.

#MishyWrites 🦋✨

I’m Alive…

Wow. It’s definitely been a minute since I put my fingers to the keys, and blogged. I’ve done some writing outside of blogging, but geez, I have definitely missed this outlet.

A lot has been going on in my life recently. My best friend Bria came into town for several days, so that was a major adventure. Then right after that, I began my move to a new living situation with another one of my best friends Caylin into a house, not an apartment. The transition hasn’t been rough, although if I’m honest, it’s really shaken up some things for me physically, financially, mentally, and spiritually. Surprisingly, not so much emotionally – I think in that aspect, I was ready for the change. A new season brings new challenges, yes, but it also brings new adventures and possibilities.

Well, as the move was happening, I got a head cold, which made me really slow down this past weekend, and think about my current situation. In some ways, I didn’t think I’d ever see myself here – you can read that in either a positive or negative way, because I was feeling both. And I wasn’t sure how to handle it.

But after refocusing spiritually – pushing myself to go to church on Sunday, even in sickness – I was reminded of the hope I have in Christ, not the hope I have in my circumstances or situations. So…

Even though I hadn’t moved in all my stuff in the timeline I thought I would move in…
Even though I unexpectedly got sick, and had to take some time to recover…
Even though I didn’t have much money to do / get all the things I wanted in regards to the house, or even socially…

I am alive. And I’m very well.

I took some time to game-plan for my writing. Not so much blog…I’m talking bigger projects, hopefully things that will be released within this year and into the next. I’m so excited.

Honestly, I’ve been extremely distracted, and unmotivated – despite encouraging and motivating others, I found myself in sort of a rut, unable to really push forward into some of the things I wanted to do. But I think the Lord has used everything that’s happened recently – from my best friend being into town, to the move into my new house, to even being sick – to steer me into the direction I need to go.

So, here we go.

I’m alive. Very well. And ready to work.

#MishyWrites 🦋✨