Being Me, Being a Woman, and Fearing the Lord.

It all started with my face. Or okay, maybe it all started on Friday when Kehlani dropped her debut album SweetSexySavage. This album is DOPE. If you get the chance, listen to it, it’s on Spotify, iTunes, Apple Music, Amazon. DO IT.

Matter fact. Here ya go. Here it is on Spotify (keep in mind though that the awesome intros to some of the songs are not included in the Spotify versions, but only on the downloaded versions).

Kehlani has expressed that this album is for the ladies. The title itself is supposed to express the different aspects of women, how diverse we are in emotions, personalities, etc. And I just totally feel a lot of what she’s singing about in these 19 songs. This album is powerful, and the fact that it’s got some 90’s R&B vibes definitely helps it as well.

But as I listened to the album over and over, I began thinking about myself, and who I am as a woman. This album is the essence of what it means to be a woman, I initially thought. But my thoughts throughout the weekend led me to a deeper conclusion…

Okay. Now to My Face…

I was trying to figure out what my next moves would be on Saturday morning before I had to make my actual moves…going to the mall to make a return and exchange, meeting with a friend for coffee to catch up, meeting with someone else to talk about writing, and then going to a rapping event at a coffee shop to support the same friend I was having coffee with.

And I looked at myself in the mirror and stopped. I want to say that I’m a mostly confident person, but of course, I still have those days when I’m down on myself. And this morning, I decided to be a little down on my face.

I am so baby-faced. People are always shocked when I tell them I’m twenty-two and a college graduate; they always expect me to say that I’m sixteen and in high school.

I just want to look my age, man, I thought, I basically look the same as when I was in high school. Or shoot, maybe even when I was in kindergarten

So I began to write a poem about my face, and accepting the fact that my face is beautiful and unique, and no one else has my face (even though so many people think my sister and I are twins. Look closely, friends. The differences are very much there haha).

Here’s the poem…

glo up.

I am sometimes

Discouraged

When I look at my face in the mirror,

And barely see

A change

From my 16-year-old face.

I cringe at the 

Almost perfect circle

Before me,

The handles of flesh that appear

With every smile I make,

That are tempting for people to

Poke and

Pinch and

Shake.

The wide, adorned nose that

Squishes flat

When pressed down.

The fuzzy eyebrows that

No girl would envy to have.

 

And I am

Always

Bare-faced.

Baby-faced.

 

My heart sometimes sinks when I realize…

That this is it.

I’ve attained my glo-up.

This is what I’ve grown into in the

22 years of life I’ve lived.

 

But

There is no one like me.

NO ONE.

My cheeks are an asset

To the smile on my face.

My nose is one passed down

From generations in my family.

Eyebrows? Can be fixed but

I like to have mine seen.

And, to be honest, I’m too lazy to put on makeup so

My face is bare and clean

For me

As it should be.

Now, I can’t say that I wanted to end the poem there. I wasn’t sure how to continue it, and by the time I’d reached a stopping point, I had to start getting ready to go out, and run my errands and meet with people. Which meant picking out something to wear…

“I Have Nothing to Wear!”

The title is false, I have plenty to wear, but when you want to go for a certain look, this statement feels like all sorts of truth.

I had an outfit in mind…but then I started to think about the outfit I’d bought at the mall the night before, and I wondered if I should put on something a little more…I don’t know. Something that made me feel like I actually tried to look decent for the outside world. Suddenly, the desire to want to look my age transferred into my outfit thought process.

I wanted to look my age. I wanted to look good. I didn’t want to appear lazy or sloppy or like I didn’t try to be presentable before I walked out of my house.

…but I also wanted to be comfortable. I didn’t want to be out-and-about in something uncomfortable; I’ve done it before to get out of my comfort zone, but I couldn’t tell you if it worked or not, I don’t remember…

The outfit I’d bought at the mall the night before? Now that was something that made me feel…I guess more womanly. I felt prettier, cleaner, admittedly sexier.

But why did I feel like certain clothes were more womanly than other clothes? See, if this was about me caring about what I thought other people thought I looked like, then

  1. I shouldn’t care what other people think anyways, and…
  2. They shouldn’t be worried about what I wear.

I confess, a part of it was about what other people thought about me because I wanted to look like my actual age to others. I didn’t want to look like I was stuck in my teenage years; I wanted to look like I was in my twenties.

But a huge part of it too was about me and what clothes thought made me feel more like a woman. Not saying that if I’m wearing joggers and sneakers I feel like a man; I know I’m very much a woman even when I’m wearing those things. But for some reason, in this specific instance, there was just a little portion of me that felt like certain outfits appeared to express more femininity.

This feeling passed quickly though. I know very well that I as a woman can wear whatever I please, be it sneakers, high heels, jeans, leggings, skirt, graphic tee, hoodie, whatever. I actually recorded my thoughts on my phone because I didn’t want to lose them later. And here are a few of the quotes from my little rant…

“It’s hard to be twenty-two years old and wear what I wear sometimes because I feel like people judge me. And I already look like a baby face…I know I’m baby-faced. And then it doesn’t help that I wear graphic tees, and things like that.”

 

“I don’t have to fit into this mold of what a woman is. I am still a woman. I’m still twenty-two years old even though I may not look like it. I am who I am. And I think I’m becoming more accepting of that now…”

 

“It makes me truly question myself…’Am I being an adult?’ or ‘Am I really being a grown woman, and not getting stuck in my teen years?'”

 

“Half of it is, they shouldn’t worry about me, but then the other half is, I shouldn’t worry about what they think of me.”

So, you could say that I came to the conclusion that, if I’m not pleased with myself, then that is when I should become concerned. But then there’s this quote from that recording…

“I can be who I wanna be, as long as who I am glorifies the Lord…”

If the way I view myself doesn’t align with the Word of God, or how the Lord perceives me, that is also a problem. It goes beyond the outer appearance, and is deeper than the clothes I wear, or the face I have.

A Woman…Who Fears the Lord

True womanhood cannot be grasped unless I understand the concept of fearing the Lord.

It is true – being a woman means being all sorts of things: confident, bold, sensitive, emotional, wild, reserved, sweet, sexy, savage, etc. But all of that means nothing without the perspective of who I am in Christ.

Who Does the Lord Say a Real Woman Is?

Okay, some of y’all know where I’m going with this…

It’s gonna be super cliche, but…Proverbs 31 is the main chapter in the Bible that expresses what a godly woman looks like. Some of it talks about being a wife specifically, but that doesn’t mean a godly woman shouldn’t strive to be these things…

True Womanhood – Proverbs 31:10-31

She is far more precious than jewels. The heart of her husband trusts in her, and he will have no lack of gain. She does him good, and not harm, all the days of her life. She seeks wool and flax, and works with willing hands. 

She is like the ships of the merchant; she brings her food from afar. She rises while it is yet night and provides frood for her household and portions for her maidens.

She considers a field and buys it; with the fruit of her hands she plants a vineyard. 

She dresses herself with strength and makes her arms strong. She perceives that her merchandise is profitable. Her lamp does not go out at night. She puts her hands to the distaff, and her hands hold the spindle. She opens her hand to the poor and reaches out her hands to the needy. She is not afraid of snow for her household, for all her household are clothed in scarlet. She makes bed coverings for herself; her clothing is fine linen and purple. … She makes linen garments and sells them; she delivers sashes to the merchant. Strength and dignity are her clothing, and she laughs at the time to come. She opens her mouth with wisdom, and the teaching of kindness is on her tongue. She looks well to the ways of her household and does not eat the bread of idleness. Her children rise up and call her blessed; her husband also, and he praises her:

“Many women have done excellently, but you surpass them all.”

Charm is deceitful, and beauty is vain, but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised. Give her of the fruit of her hands, and let her works praise her in the gates.

 

Now, this doesn’t mean that I don’t appreciate Kehlani’s take on womanhood any less – as I said, I definitely feel emotionally connected to her latest album. To most of her music, actually.

But it doesn’t stop there. Not for me, at least. As much as I would like to say that it does, I would be denying the biggest part of my womanhood if I did stop there. Womanhood is Kehlani’s album, and SO MUCH MORE.

It is about realizing that I am the Lord’s, fearing Him, and acting upon this knowledge in every day life. It doesn’t mean I need to be perfect at it, but it is a crucial part of being a woman.

Of being me.

#JustStartWriting

💙 Mishy 🦋

today.

First off…wow. Just wow.

I’ve really been inspired and humbled by my friends who shared their words with us last week. Seriously, I’d never read any of those pieces before they sent them to me, and each one really just blew me away, and made me super grateful for the gift of words. That all may sound cliche to you, but it’s true. You all inspire and motivate me to keep doing what I love to do. So thank you for that.

To those who have been willing to share so far: thank you. ❤ It means a lot to me that you’d want to be a part of something like #JustStartWriting, and I am over-the-moon happy to have you all be a part of it.

To those who want to be a part of it, but I have yet to formally introduce you to the readers of To the Brim: I can’t wait until you’re a part of this. ❤ I’m humbled that you’d want to participate, and cannot wait to share your words with everyone.

“Today, Today-ay-ay.”

Okay, yeah, so much for those other series I had planned for this month, right?

The month is still young…sort of. So there’s still time to start each of those series I was thinking about doing. But…

1) Last week’s #JSWTogether was so fun that I can’t wait to do more. Did you guys like it? I hope you did because I loved it.

2)  I’ve just been having all of these thoughts swimming through my head. It’s been an interesting couple of weeks. Shoot, it’s been an interesting few months.

Lately, when I’m at work I’ve been writing whatever comes to my mind inside the planner I carry around with me.

*sidenote: a flaw that I have is scattering all of my writings into different notebooks or scratch pieces of paper. I need to just get one notebook where I can keep everything, but what happens when I forget that notebook? Looks like I’ll be using that stray napkin I found blowing around in the wind while I was walking through the park.Yeah, I can use my phone, but for me, there’s just something about the connection between pen and paper that just seems right. Or “write” for all my punny friends 😀

Anyways…

Today I drove to work listening to “Sharks” by The Rocket Summer. I know I’ve brought him up a lot lately, but guys, his music is so crucial to me. Read some of my earlier blog posts that have him in the category, and you’ll see some of his lyrics I posted in like 2012. Why? Because when I feel like I need to truly focus on what matters – my faith in the Lord, the hope that we have in Him – I can’t listen to some of the other music I listen to. But I can listen to The Rocket Summer. His influence has been a major one of mine since high school, and it’s amazing to see it continue to now.

Admittedly, my mind has not been in great places these past couple of weeks; it’s been really hard to stay positive and hopeful. My mind becomes clouded with things of the past, and worries of the future. I’ve been trying to rest in all sorts of ways, but most importantly in the Lord.

Lately I’ve been reading the book of Matthew, and I reached chapter 6, where the verses I have to repeat to myself over and over reside. The one I want to focus on is this:

“Therefore, do not be anxious about tomorrow, for tomorrow will be anxious for itself. Sufficient for the day is its own trouble.” – Matthew 6:34 (ESV)

I wrote this piece during my lunch break at work based on this verse, and “Sharks.” I don’t even know if you could even call it a “piece” really. And these are definitely not ground-breaking ideas. They’re just thirty minutes of my thoughts one right after the other.

***

“…just take in TODAY.”

I’m so tempted to dwell on the things of the PAST – what I should have said or done in a moment. What would have happened had certain things not occurred? Who would I be if I’d just made one decision differently? Or if I’d wisely chosen not to do something?

I’m also tempted to dwell on the things of the FUTURE – what’s my next move after certain things come to an end? Where will I find myself next month? What kind of situations will happen then?

Why is it so hard to focus on TODAY? Like, truly  focus on today?

Can there ever be a day when I only think about what I have to do, in that moment, without planning ahead for things, or allowing my mind to go back to moments of my past? Not saying that planning for the future is bad; it’s definitely necessary sometimes. Worrying about the future, though, is bad. We are not called to worry, how many times must I say this? Thinking about/remembering the past because of fondness of memories, or reminders to not make the poor decisions we made before is okay. But these are different than living in the past, or obsessing over it.

What does taking in TODAY look like? Have I ever experienced it? Will I ever experience it?

I want to learn how to embrace moments. Because we don’t get them back. We may get moments that are similar to other moments, but we will never get those certain, specific experiences back. Like people, moments are unique. Every day is unique, even if you’re going to the same job/class/ whatever, and seeing the same people, and doing the same things.

So, why dwell on past experiences/moments that you cannot relive, no matter how many times you think about them, or how much detail you remember from them?

And why just think or dream about what your future will look like when you really have no idea what even tomorrow will hold? This is why we must place the foundation of our thoughts in the Lord. (This is a whole different thought process I may go on later. I had a conversation about this with Bria I need to process a little more.)

Take in today.

 

#JustStartWriting

❤ Mishy

 

CONCERT REVIEW: The Made to Destroy Tour with Pierce the Veil, Neck Deep, and I Prevail

I just realized that I never wrote a concert review on the Made to Destroy Tour with Pierce the Veil, Neck Deep, and I PrevailI probably avoided this just because I’ve been so weepy since it’s been over. This past Friday night in Atlanta was totally amazing, and I miss every moment of it.

The journey began around 4:30pm after my sister, Kae’sha, got off work. We went through the Wendy’s drive-thru, and with the top down on her cherry red Mustang convertible, we made our way to Atlanta, blasting mostly Pierce the Veil and Neck Deep songs (because that was all I had on my phone), and as we neared Atlanta, the sky turned from a bright blue to a dark grey.

As we neared Atlanta, the sky turned from a bright blue to a dark grey. The tall business buildings of Atlanta loomed overhead, their top floors covered with clouds, fog, smog, or maybe a little of each.

“Atlanta is looking like Gotham right now, and it’s kinda freaking me out,” Kae’sha said as we drove deeper into the city.

She contemplated pulling off to the side of the freeway to put the top up (since you couldn’t do it with the car in motion. I learned this for the first time that night). But it wasn’t pouring just yet, and we were almost there, so we decided to just keep going.

We made it to The Tabernacle a little late, so as soon as we walked in, I could hear I Prevail singing their cover of “Blank Space.” I wanted to stop by the merch tables, but there was a pretty good line, and I didn’t want to miss anymore of the show than we already had.

Kae’sha guided me into the actual venue portion since it was my first time being there, and it wasn’t extremely crowded, but there were a good amount of people standing there. We slipped around people in the back to try to get as close as we could. We were content being back there; we didn’t really want to fight to the front.

While we waited for Neck Deep’s set, we made friends with two girls who were standing behind us. We swapped phones to take pictures of each other, and also to follow each other on Twitter and Instagram, and we discussed the different bands we’d seen in concert. It was actually one of the girls’ birthday that day, and this concert had been a present from her friend that was with her.

I would love to say that I got some great pictures of the show, and I sorta did, but not really. I think the best pictures/videos I got were of Neck Deep, but not of Pierce the Veil.

Guys. I’m not even going to try to go into too much detail of what was happening during this concert. All I’ll say are these things…

NECK DEEP THO

It’s no wonder they won “Best Live Band” for the 2016 APMAS because they were so good. They played all of my favorite songs basically…”Threat Level Midnight,” “I Hope This Comes Back to Haunt You,” “Kali Ma,” are only a few. Oh and “December (Again).” My, my…

Ben Barlow, their frontman, also called us “keen,” and said that this was the best show they’d played on tour so far. I was so weak.

PIERCE THE FREAKING VEIL

MY BABES, MY FAVES.

It has been two years since I’ve seen Pierce the Veil live, and this would be the first time I’d be hearing some songs from the Misadventures album live. There are no words to express how amazing Pierce the Veil’s set was.

First of all, they had a space theme going during this tour. For those who know that I’m a space enthusiast, this theme alone slayed me from the beginning. They began with “Dive In,” and even played a couple of songs from their Selfish Machines album – “Caraphernelia” and “Bulletproof Love” (!!!!)

They performed “Floral and Fading,” (YES.) and they also played “Kissing in Cars,” which is such a HUGE deal because this is the first tour that they’ve played this song live for.  I WAS STOKED.

And then…guys…GUYSSSSS….

THEY BROUGHT HER BACK.

img_3900

THEY BROUGHT BACK COLLIDE WITH THE SKY.

I lost it then. This album legit brought me through my freshman year of college. I cannot express all the emotions I was feeling.

I remember the last three songs vividly: “Hold on Till May,” and two encore songs – “Circles,” and “King for a Day.” I cried like a baby during “Hold on Till May,” I kid you not. You can ask the eleven-year-old girl who was standing next to me, and staring at me as I bawled my eyes out. Such a mess.

One thing I really enjoyed through Pierce the Veil’s set was that they explained what each song meant to them, and why or who they wrote it for. It made the songs even more special to me knowing their reasons for writing what they wrote…

“The Divine Zero” – creating songs/doing what you love/following your dreams, and helping others through your dreams

“Kissing in Cars” – for Jaime’s friend’s future wife when they were getting married

“Circles” – Vic dedicated this song that night to people affected by Hurricane Matthew, originally for people affected during the Paris attacks

“Hold on Till May” – for a friend of Vic’s who was neglected by her parents all of her life

Also, Vic Fuentes (Pierce the Veil’s frontman) encouraged us all that if we have a dream, we needed to do it right now. And it’s one of those things that you hear all the time, but sometimes you just need to hear it from one of your favorite people.

With everything going on with evacuating to Chattanooga, and also with personal things happening with me, this concert was definitely something that encouraged me in all sorts of ways. I needed to see my favorite band with one of my favorite people i.e. my sister.

Also, let’s talk about how, I’m still suffering from PCD (Post-Concert Depression, to those who don’t know), yet I’ve been able to listen to Pierce the Veil and a little of Neck Deep the past couple of days. I thought I’d be crying all over the place because I miss the show, and I miss them, but I think this show was just different in a lot of ways. It was just too good.

If you have a chance to see any of these bands during this tour, DO IT. You definitely won’t regret it. But I guess I’m pretty biased when it comes to this so…

#JustStartWriting

Mishy

 

A Somewhat Complete Guide to The Rocket Summer Songs that Mean Most to Me.

There are few artists and albums that really get me. You know what I mean? Like break-up songs; they are perfect for when you go through a break up.

But what about when you’re feeling worried? When you feel like life is caving in, or when you need to just cry out all your emotions?

When these emotions come around for me, The Rocket Summer is what I listen to probably 98% of the time.

Real Friends is also another one of those bands whose songs have lyrics that describe pieces of my life to a T. It’s actually kind of scary.

But The Rocket Summer (aka Bryce Avary) has songs that are filled with soul-searching, but always point back toward the hope we have in Christ. He’s within the genre of alternative rock/pop, and he’s just so REAL.

I had the opportunity to meet him several months ago in Atlanta during his “Zoetic Tour,” and just having conversations with him about how some of his albums were harder for him to process and record than others, and the journey of stress and hard work it took for him to do what he loves…I was totally amazed.

And he gives great hugs too.

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If you listen to his albums, each one has its own different vibe. But there are songs I listen to from each one that resonate with me so closely. I was going to go through a total album review/history with song suggestions, and why I suggest them, but it’s already so late, and like usual, I need my sleep.

But, I’ll make a little playlist for you all, and stick it at the end of the post. And okay, maybe I’ll make some lists too with songs, and which album the song is on. Albums will be in italics, and the songs will be listed underneath. Granted, I might be missing some, so you should just listen to all of his albums because he’s just that great.

Songs that Remind Me that God is in Control/I Shouldn’t Worry

Calendar Days – “TV Family”

Hello, Good Friend

  1. “I Was So Alone”
  2. “Never Knew”

Do You Feel

  1. “Save”
  2. “Run to You”
  3. “So, in This Hour”

Of Men and Angels

  1. “Roses”
  2. “You Gotta Believe”
  3. “Light”

Zoetic

  1. “You Are, You Are”

Songs for 20-Somethings/Other People Just Trying to Find Their Way in This World

Calendar Days

  1. “This is Me”
  2. “Mean Thoughts and Cheap Shots”

Hello, Good Friend

  1. “Brat Pack”
  2. “Show Me Everything You’ve Got”
  3. “Destiny”

Do You Feel

  1. “All I Have”
  2. “A Song is Not A Business Plan”
  3. “Hold It Up”
  4. “Waiting”
  5. “So, in This Hour”

Of Men and Angels

  1. “I Want Something to Live For”
  2. “I Need a Break…But I’d Rather Have a Breakthrough”

Zoetic

  1. “Sharks”
  2. “Get Over It”
  3. “White Fireworks”

Sweet Songs Every Girl Wants Dedicated to Them

*cough, cough* to you fellas out there. JUST SAYIN’.

From the Calendar Days album, we have…

  1. “Skies So Blue”
  2. “Saturday”
  3. “She’s My Baby”
  4. “That’s So You”

The Hello, Good Friend album brings us…(THESE ARE SOME OF MY FAVES)

  1. “Around the Clock”
  2. “I’m Doing Everything (For You)”

 

Do You Feel has us feeling all the feels with…

“Colors”

“The tongues Of Men and Angels” make our hearts sing through…

“Hills and Valleys”

Life Will Write the Words…but how many??

“200,000”

I’ve only scratched the surface here, but it’s almost midnight, so I’m just gonna leave it here! Lemme just get this post up, and I’ll create that playlist for ya, and stick it on here when I get the chance…which will most likely be tomorrow. So look for the updated version of this post with the playlist tomorrow night.

Or you can look up the songs by yourself if you’re that curious 🙂

A big thank you to Bryce Avary for following the Lord, and answering the call to making music that matters. You inspire and encourage me daily.

#JustStartWriting

Mishy

happy friday!

I’ve been in my PJ’s since 7:30pm.

It’s been one of those good days, ya know? Work was busy enough to make the day go by super quickly. When I got home, I immediately took a long walk around the island to get my heart rate up. Got home and showered, washed my hair, styled my hair.

Nights like these are what we all need, ya know? #treatyoself nights. Nights when we stay in and read a good book, or write letters, or paint nails and watch Netflix. Or all of the above! It’s good to get some rest every once in a while.

I’m resting up right now, but I’ve also been scheming some things because, guess what, guys…today is the LAST DAY OF SEPTEMBER.  Which means that month 2 of #JustStartWriting is almost over. AND WE WILL COMMENCE WITH MONTH 3!!

Ideas of new series and posts have been flooding my mind, and I can’t wait to share them with y’all. Plus, some new goals for this new month!

But as I brainstorm and write, I need to rest, to study, to sleep. I thought my sleep schedule was jacked up in college…I feel like it’s getting worse as the weeks go by, if I’m honest. Don’t get me wrong though, it’s been pretty rewarding; staying up late doing what you love can be worth it. ((i still need some sleep though haha))

I want to do better in this third month than I did in this second month of #JSW. I missed way more days this month than I did in my first month because I was traveling a whole ton. Not to mention, due to lack of sleep and other things, I feel like my thoughts were kind of all over the place. Maybe they weren’t to you which, if that was the case, I’m glad. There’s always room for improvement though. Going to try my best for you guys!

I still plan on accomplishing my two blog post goals this weekend! I just need a day to finish The Bluest Eye, and another day to gather my thoughts about the #FromtheDrafts post. Y’all have been so patient. I appreciate ya! 🙂

After I post this, I’m going to continue with my little #treatyoself night with some letter writing, maybe some nail painting and One Tree Hill watching. Currently, I’m listening to Pierce the Veil BECAUSE I SEE MY FAVORITE DUDES IN A WEEK. ONE WEEK. I AM SO WEAK. I THINK I’M GOING TO CRY. 

It’s been two long years since I’ve seen Pierce the Veil live. They were my first real concert I ever went to. I didn’t get VIP this time (gotta save that money), but maybe I’ll still be able to meet them? Since when has general admission stopped me from meeting some of my favorite band members? (Aww, all of this concert talk is making me miss Bria 😦 )

Anyways, you can expect a blog post about that concert hopefully on the last day of month 2 of #JSW! That’ll be great; I haven’t reviewed a concert in such a long time!

I hope you all enjoy the rest of your Friday night! Love y’all!

#JustStartWriting

❤ Mishy

Mixtape Madness

 

My original post is now postponed until tomorrow because I needed to discuss things with my editor (aka Bria). I had some ideas to toss around, and I still need some time to write.

So, I’m going to talk about…MUSIC!

I know, I was supposed to go to the beach and read today. And take pictures. And post them. But I had to do some laundry, and I realized that I’m leaving for Chattanooga in like 4 DAYS, so I was kind of getting stuff ready.

But then I got distracted, and ended up organizing my iTunes, downloading more music, and making a mixtape.

Can I just say…making a mixtape is hard. At least it is for me. There are so many good songs out there, and even though my iTunes is pretty lit, I know there would be tons of other songs that would be perfect on a specific mixtape that I can’t just buy. And I’m not all about downloading music for free so, yeah.

I think I did a good job? I’ll be listening to it for a little bit on my road trip this weekend. Maybe I’ll get some feedback on it later, and letcha know how it goes.

I actually started listening to it a little on my own, and realized there is this type of flow I see happening. I’m hoping it’s not just me.

I’m probably overthinking it. It should be fine…

Have you ever created something, and felt self-conscious about it? If you had to give it to someone, did you contemplate telling them about it to force you to give it to them, or just keep it a secret, and contemplate it on your own?

Also…

What do you think makes a good mixtape? Common theme? Common genres? What are some good mixtapes you’ve heard recently? (PLEASE SEND THEM MY WAY, I NEED NEW MUSIC). 

Tomorrow’s post will hopefully meet more goals than today’s. So sorry about this lol. Still learning, still growing!

#JustStartWriting

❤ Mishy

On Living Life with Senior Quotes & Songs.

Yesterday, I saw my senior picture in my college yearbook on my sister’s Snapchat. There I was in my favorite Pierce the Veil sweater with a bright smile, and my senior quote underneath:

I’m not where I should be,

I’m not what I could be,

But I’m not who I was.

Can anybody guess who said that? Anyone? Take a guess, then I’ll tell you.

You probably didn’t guess. The answer is Real Friends. It’s from their song “Late Nights in My Car.”

But I chose that quote because I believe it to be true in some sense.

I’m not where I should be…

I actually believe that I am where I should be right now, but I know I have a long way to go. I’m so young, and I’m not sure where I should eventually be. So, in that sense…not where I should be.

I’m not what I could be.

I know that the Lord has blessed me with some great potential. I just have to convince myself of it a ton, and also believe that He has a plan for me that is so great, I can’t fathom it. I have not clue what it is. Maybe it has something to do with where I am. But I don’t know. During my senior year, I knew I wasn’t what I could be. I felt like I hadn’t lived out my full potential, and I still feel that way. Hence why I relate to that line.

But I’m not who I was.

I am definitely not the person I was in high school, or the person I was when I started as a freshman in college, or even the person I was in my last few months of senior year. I’m constantly changing, so I am not who I was.

And I am not who I was in the fact that I have been saved from my past of being a broken sinner, destined for eternity in hell had it not been for the saving grace of Jesus Christ. His death on the Cross has washed my sins away, and allowed me to become a child of God. So in that way, I am not who I was.

I showed my sister’s Snapchat of my senior photo to my parents during my little sister’s volleyball game, and later on the drive home as we listened to “My Life” by Billy Joel, Pa relayed to me that he almost made some words to this song his senior quote, but chickened out. His quote was going to be…

I don’t need you to worry for me cause I’m alright
I don’t want you to tell me it’s time to come home.
I don’t care what you say anymore, this is my life,
Go ahead with your own life and leave me alone

He told me he wanted his senior quote to be that because he’s always been a person who goes against what everyone normally does. There’s always a group of people who go off and do the same things, and Pa didn’t want to be that person. And, of course, because he would want to go against the majority, he would get criticized for it.

But I admire Pa for being who he is, and wanting to live the life he wants to live even though other people aren’t too keen on it. I don’t want to say there’s anything wrong with doing the same things as other people, because hey, if that’s what you want to do, it’s your life, and that’s fine.

I feel like I talk about this subject W A Y  too much when I’ve been writing these days, but it’s something that’s always on the forefront of my mind. And I want to be as vulnerable about it as possible because honestly, I wish I’d had more people in my life who were vulnerable about what life outside of school was really like. Then again, I also wished that I’d listened better.

So, I’m leaving the ball in your court to either read and listen, or just read what a young girl who is in it is telling you right now about the feelings of post-grad life.

This is my life, and I want to live it the way I want to live it, within the context of my Christian faith. I don’t want to have the pressures of anyone or anything stopping me from doing what I love. I also don’t want my personal fears and anxieties to hinder me from living my life fully. I want to live in the freedom I have in Christ, and pursue my passions without holding anything back. And right now, I’m doing the best that I can with what I have to be the person I want to be, and do the things I love.

In the words of Gavin DeGraw…

I don’t want to be anything other than what I’ve been trying to be lately.
All I have to do
Is think of me, and I have peace of mind.
I’m tired of looking ’round rooms
Wondering what I’ve got to do
Or who I’m supposed to be
I don’t want to be anything other than me.

We can all thank One Tree Hill, and my friends Taylor and Pierce for finally convincing me to get into that show, and having this song stuck in my head at least once a week, maybe more. It also officially made the Fall 2016 playlist which, by the way, is now up on The Latest Jams tab on this blog. 😀

This has been a very musical post. Shall I share the songs I talked about at the end of this post? I think I just might…

And I wanna know too:

What are some lines from songs that have just described spot-on how you’ve been feeling recently? Why did those lyrics speak to you in such a way? 

#JustStartWriting

❤ Mishy