“To Be Yourself” (“April 9” poem)

Good morning from Cabo San Lucas, Mexico!

I’ve been here for a couple of days already, but I haven’t been blogging because of all the busyness. But here I am! I hope your week has gotten off to a great start.

My week has started off rather lovely. For those who don’t know, I wrote a poem that has been featured in a song titled “April 9” created by SodTp (you can find it on Spotify and iTunes under the artist name “SodTp”). Only pieces of the poem have been used for the song, so here is the full-version of the poem!

I hope that “April 9” and “To Be Yourself” speak to you and inspire you in some way, shape, or form. Even though it’s difficult to want to be someone else or have what someone else has, or to hear those criticisms from the people in your life, you are you, and it’s time to embrace who you are and where you are in life.

And I’ve said this so many times, but THANK YOU to SodTp for the opportunity to share my words on this track, to the people who’ve been following SodTp and now follow me and have expressed such love and support

I give you, “To Be Yourself.”

To Be Yourself

There are days in which I wish that I could
Sit in the skin of another person.
There are times I wanna
Take pieces and parts of other people,
And place them on top of me to
Hide what’s within.
To hide my soul.
To hide who I really am.

And I know sometimes you get like that too.
You’d rather be somebody else than
Embrace everything that you are.
But you don’t need to look farther than yourself.

It’s time to stop frontin’;
To stop pretending to be somethin’ or
Or someone you’re not.
You’re the only you the world has to claim.
There may be someone out there who has the
Same name as you but
You were intricately woven and
Uniquely designed, yes,
There are things in this world you were specifically chosen for.
But you gotta stop lookin’ everywhere else to
Be who you wanna be.

To be yourself.

#MishyWrites #April9

💙 Mishy 🦋

walls.

“Story of my life I can’t quite comprehend. Don’t tell me if you know how it ends.”

These are some words from one of my favorite artists, The Rocket Summer i.e. Bryce Avary from his song “Walls.”

Honestly, I’ve been quite discouraged about where I am in my work. I’ve gotten pretty distracted by other projects, and other changes happening in my life (like work schedules and wisdom teeth surgery), and I feel like the clock is winding down on everything I need to accomplish, and because I’ve been doing a poor job at accomplishing things, I just need to surrender and realize it’s not going to get done.

I’ve been so discouraged that I almost didn’t do a #MotivationalMishyMonday tonight on Instagram live. Yes, I initially forgot about it, but the truth of the matter is, once I realized I needed to do it, I didn’t want to because I as feeling down and out. How could an unmotivated person like me go on Instagram and try to be all motivational for other people?

Just as I wrote about in my last post about being single, I was tempted to create another wall; a wall that hindered me from doing the work I knew needed to get done. A wall that discouraged me from even taking a step in the right direction towards accomplishing my goals. A wall of keeping silent about struggling through being unmotivated. And wanting to build this wall made me not want to do an IG live.

“I’ll help you break the walls down.”

But I’m so glad I went live; because I was very honest with the people who were live with me about how I was feeling about everything I was working on, and each person gave me some amazing pieces of advice that I feel like I needed to hear.

Even though I expressed this a little during the live, I want to thank each and every person who was there and who encouraged me, or even just talked to me tonight. Even though we may not know each other well or personally, your presence was needed in this exact moment in my life, and the Lord knew it.

This isn’t to say that people who didn’t join the live weren’t or aren’t as helpful to me in my times of discouragement. But here in this moment, I needed to hear the words that were said (or typed). I normally go on IG live to encourage others, but a lot of the time, I find that I am encourage by the people who join.

So, with another week officially started, I am willing to really re-prioritize why I’m doing all that I’m doing (thank you, Hannah). I’m ready to keep praying more and seeking the Lord on all that is going on. I’m ready to change my space; to rearrange some things so that my mind isn’t distracted by things surrounding me (thank you, Brittany). I am currently texting my best friend about what’s going on, telling her my feelings, and asking for advice and prayer (thank you, MiMi).

Thank you all for helping break my walls down. Thank you to Bryce Avary for writing and making music that will help re-focus my intentions, and express what I’m feeling. Thank You, Jesus, for a three-day weekend, and another start to a new week.

Philippians 4:13 – “I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.”

#MishyWrites

💙 Mishy 🦋

“fix my compass, Lord.”

I wrote this short little poem after a week of some stillness in my life. And when I say that, I mean spiritual stillness.

Life seemed to be going well that week; the days came and went. But I was just feeling like things were…too calm. Have you ever been suspicious when life seems to be going a little too smoothly? I’m not saying that we should be extremely skeptical when good things happen, or when we have easy days or weeks.

But the feeling I had was that I wasn’t growing or being tested. I wasn’t facing any trials, therefore I wasn’t learning anything new. And, as much as I crave easy weeks, I didn’t like the easiness I was feeling. I was feeling distant from God because of it; I longed for the Lord to challenge me, so that I could grow close to Him.

So, that’s when I wrote this.

“fix my compass, Lord.”

Sometimes it’s scary when
The sea is calm.
When there is nothing threatening you,
Attempting to pull you off course.
Days that are easy seem unbelievable.
To some, it means they’re on the right track
For me?
I feel that I need to be pointed back in
The right direction.

#MishyWrites

Mishy

“heavy promises.”

I wasn’t planning on posting this little poem until later, but in light of some recent situations, it got me thinking about it. This is straight from my journal, y’all…that’s how you know it’s real and raw. No edits, nothing. Totally authentic.

But lately I’ve been having to think about promises, and the ones people make. I know that I made some promises that I truly intended on keeping, and have kept. I also made promises that I intended on keeping, but after seeing how hazardous it was to myself either mentally, emotionally, spiritually, or all of the above, I couldn’t fully keep the promise the way I thought I could.

At first, I wasn’t okay with it; I felt like a hypocrite and a traitor for not being able to keep up with my promise. But then the Lord really began to speak to me, and show me that I am incapable of keeping some promises; that the weight and toxicity of the promises I made was not worth me trying to put my all into a specific situation, especially if it was causing me to take my focus off of my relationship with Him.

Just because I promise something, it doesn’t mean I have to execute that promise in the specific ways I always imagined it being executed in. My ideas of keeping that promise might be flawed, and maybe the only way I can keep that promise is to pray for someone and keep my distance, or simply text or call that person every once in a while.

Some promises just aren’t capable of being kept. Promising something is pretty heavy in itself, and I think that I personally need to learn to be more aware and cautious of exactly what I promise, and to whom I promise it too.

“heavy promises.”

I’m sorry.

I’m sorry that I can’t be the person you want me to be all the time for you. The respect I owe myself is way overdue, and I truly don’t think it’s selfish to want to have that back. All this time, I thought your back was against a wall; I thought you were the only one suffering, the only one in such a state that you couldn’t see past your past that’s stood above you, that’s had a grip around your neck for too long.

When all along, it was me. I was the one suffering under my own hand, suffocating myself to make you feel better because I couldn’t stand breaking a promise I told you I’d keep. I’d rather crucify myself than see you have the worst day of your life. I’d rather linger in the darkness as I tried, but failed to give you ray after ray of sunshine.

Some promises are too dangerous to be kept.

I’m sorry I can’t keep mine.

#MishyWrites

💙 Mishy 🦋

Make It Less Mundane.

Hey guys!

Sorry I missed writing to y’all yesterday, it was little busier/crazier than I thought it would be (plus, I totally forgot to bring my laptop to my grandparents’ house, and it’s just easier to blog from there).

But I just wanted to express something that’s been on my heart lately, and it’s something I even talked to one of my close friends about.

Following Jesus. Staying in the Word. Not wavering in the faith.

Truthfully, I haven’t been feeling the same when it comes to these things. I feel as if I’ve sort of hit the ceiling when it comes to this stuff. Not that I know everything there is to know about God or the Bible; I understand that I need to be growing in my faith. But I just feel like I’m not learning it in my quiet times in the morning.

Maybe it’s because I’m feeling rushed about my quiet time in the morning because lately, I’ve been getting up later than I should. Or maybe it’s because my mind is so distracted by all the things I have going on. Or maybe it’s the Enemy telling me that I’m not getting anything out of my quiet time, so, what’s the point of even doing it?

I feel like I’m in a dangerous position; I have so much I’m doing and thinking about, and I feel like I just need a couple of hours or a day away from it all to realign my focus, my purpose for why I’m doing the things I’m doing.

Things may look like they’re going great on the outside, but really, I feel like I just need Jesus to hold me right now. To assure me that He is still by my side, and is still holding my hand through everything going on right now. I believe that He is still there, but I crave to continue learning more about Him; to not be so content with where I am in my faith; to not have my time with Him every day feel so mundane, or to just see my Bible-reading time as simply a habit.

I want more faith than I have right now. Increase my faith, Lord!

#MishyWrites

💙 Mishy 🦋

“Always Going, Never Stopping.” – Why This Shouldn’t Be My Motto (or Yours)

I got back to my apartment by 2pm or 2:15, and I felt strange.

First of all, I was the only one home. Second, I really had no plans for the rest of the day. Which is crazy because the past few weeks have been filled to the brim (haha, see what I did there?) with plans, hangouts, meetings, etc. Because I’ve been so busy all the time that, whenever I have time to actually stop, breathe, and think about what my next move is, it blows my mind.

And I feel weird because I’m always going and never stopping. I feel like if I’m not hanging out with someone or doing something fun, I’m just wasting my time and my life. I feel like I’m wasting the beautiful day outside; I become restless, eager for a new adventure that will take up at least the next few hours so I can say that I did something, and didn’t just veg out in my bedroom.

I texted my friend Jessica about it, who is in her thirties, and she told me that she remembered feeling the same way in her twenties, but now, she would rather be at home.

Why is that though? Why do people my age crave to always be doing something, yet whenever we are doing something, we complain that we’d rather be at home instead? Why when we’re home and can actually relax do we freak out because we feel like we should be doing something?

Why as young people do we not feel important or valued if we aren’t doing something or hanging out with someone? Why do we feel like we’re useless if our lives aren’t constantly filled with adventure?

With these thoughts, I personally am realizing that I need to learn to embrace those alone moments, those moments of silence. Because who knows when I’ll get them again, right?

I would like to say that a motto of mine is “Always going, never stopping.” I mean, this really isn’t that true…I clearly stop – to sleep, to eat, to go to the bathroom.

But even in my life, I really am not always going, even if I think I am. There are just moments of rest that I refuse to accept because I don’t want to seem boring or lazy.

Is it okay to push things off to create free space and moments in your life? Yes (just not all the time, because work does need to be done at some point).

However, if a free moment find its way into your day, do you take advantage of it? YES.

I challenge you (and myself) to shove aside all those thoughts that make you think your life will suck if you’re not doing anything exciting or anything at all all the time. Quiet all the noise in your head telling you that you need to do something right now.

Appreciate the silence, the lonely time, the feeling that you aren’t doing anything, and take hold of the thought, for at least thirty minutes, that you really don’t need to do anything or see anyone. That you need your rest so you can do what you need to do. You resting for thirty minutes isn’t going to make you any less valuable. It doesn’t mean you admit defeat; it just means “not right now. I’ll get to it though, just give me a second.”

Forget the motto “always going, never stopping.” I’m pushing for “sometimes go, sometimes stop, and never give up.”

#JustStartWriting #MishyWrites

💙 Mishy 🦋

be grateful. enjoy life.

I couldn’t sleep last night.

I was in this weird state – a state that wasn’t even equally divided between asleep and awake. It was as if I were on the outside of my body, feeling myself heavily breathing, wrapped around my sheets, desperately searching for the rest I needed. Yet, almost an hour later, and my body wasn’t at rest, despite the fact that my mind was extremely exhausted.

Why the beginnings of sleep for me last night were like this, I couldn’t tell you. Maybe it was anxiety or worry, or maybe it was caused by something I ate right before I went to bed. Whatever it was, it honestly scared me. It didn’t feel right at all; it felt like the most unnatural thing I’ve ever felt.

Thank the Lord He allowed me to fall asleep after that though. I woke up the next morning from deep sleep, wondering if what I’d gone through was just a crazy dream, or if it had been real. But I knew the answer – it was real, something like that was too vivid for me to believe it was a dream.

I still don’t have an answer as to why I experienced something like that, and I’m sort of scared to go to sleep tonight to find out that I may experience it again.

But after talking to some big brothers of mine, one whom has experienced weird sleep episodes like this, I feel a little better because of the advice he gave me.

I think it’s crazy though how we take something as simple as sleep for granted, and when it’s taken from us, we’re at a loss, wondering what we did wrong to deserve such a punishment. I hadn’t thought about this in a while, since my brother who normally has insomnia hasn’t had much trouble with it recently, but goodness. After experiencing that one episode, I can’t imagine having to deal with it every single night.

Truthfully, I didn’t really know where this post was going to go, but after I had that small conversation about my little episode and am thinking about it in comparison to my brother’s many episodes, I am thanking God just for the blessing of sweet sleep.

And ultimately, I want to say – be grateful for what you have and where you are.  I know that you want to have things you currently don’t have, and you want to be somewhere other than where you are right now. I know this because I am like this a lot, yet I should be more thankful for the things I have instead of always craving more. That doesn’t mean I should stop striving towards my goals, towards something greater, or towards some dreams I have.

But it does mean that, as I’m striving, I need to be more aware of where I currently am, and more grateful for it.

Caylin and I had a conversation once that began when I asked her, “If we ever got famous, do you think we’ll miss times like this? Just being able to go out and get Chikfila without anyone ever bothering us?” And she immediately said yes. Because in that moment, we realized we had some things well-known people don’t have – freedom and privacy. So, even though we wished we were a little more known in our craft, it was interesting to realize that we’d miss where we currently are.

So, why not embrace it now? Why not embrace what you have and where you are right now?

Enjoy the little things – enjoy your food, enjoy your sleep, enjoy the life God has blessed you with.

#MishyWrites

💙 Mishy 🦋