Changes…in Thought

Last week, I started talking to myself in the car again.

Well, it was mostly praying. I was praying out loud in the car on the way to work, and as I prayed, I noticed the flow of my speech, and honestly, I scared myself in a good way. So much so that I stopped the music on my phone, and turned on my voice recorder, and just started speaking. I spoke everything that was on my heart, and it was so freeing because it was just me in the car; I could say whatever I wanted to say, however I wanted to say it, and not be judged for it.

I wrote a short poem a while back about how I used to think that my thoughts weren’t valuable enough to be heard, read, or written. I used to think that the way I thought about the world was immature and naive, so I just stayed silent. Not that I think my thoughts are constantly flowing with wisdom now; I know that I still have a lot to learn about the world.

But hearing myself speak about what I was thinking and praying about that morning – it opened up a whole new avenue for me. Yes, writing will always be my main outlet, but speaking has really become a major part of who I am as well. And hearing me just speak thoughts that came to my mind – thoughts that the Lord allowed for me to have – it blew my mind. It rocked my world.

There have always been moments when I think a thought, and I tell myself, “Ahh, I cannot wait to write that down!” And once I get a free moment, or I’m home, the thought is forgotten.

So, I am changing the way I handle my thoughts. When I first began writing more, I did better at writing ideas and thoughts down so as not to forget them. Nowadays, it’s harder for me to remember mostly everything because my mind is going a mile a minute, and I feel like my skill of multitasking is fading.

But I hope that as I continue to find the quieter, slower moments in my day, I am able to slow down, and process the thoughts I have. And hopefully be able to write more thoroughly about them instead of waiting last minute to write about things!

#MishyWrites 🦋✨

Changes…in Circumstances

Today on Alex Elle’s Instagram story, her journal question was:

“How can YOU change your circumstances?”

And I think that I have more power over my circumstances than I realize sometimes. I’m not saying that I have total control over what happens in my life…I’m saying I have control over how I react to what happens in my life.

For instance, on Monday, I was determined to make it a good day even though I knew there was a long week ahead of me. I arrived at work, and could feel the tension and burn-out of some of the people around me. I had two choices – to join the feelings of burn-out, or to move past those feelings, and try to make the day something worthwhile.

I didn’t succeed as much as I wanted to, honestly; Monday was still a hard day. But then I had another choice – to allow my bad first day of the week to dictate how the rest of my week would go.

So, in this way, I can see how I can change my circumstances in my life. My attitude about what is going on in my life can truly determine how I go about working through it, and whether the next things that occur will build or break me.

There are definitely other ways to do this – instead of waiting last minute to put up a blog post, I could write some drafts, or write earlier in the day before doing other important things I need to do (I’m sort of feeling this right now, if i’m honest haha). But I guess I just want to be more mindful of how I’m viewing the circumstances in my life, and change the way I react to things because I tend to react sort of…well…dramatically to the things that happen in my life sometimes. And I need to remind myself that it’s not the end of the world.

How do you normally react to the circumstances in your life? Do you think you need to make any changes in your reactions? If so, are you willing to do so?

#MishyWrites 🦋✨

this season

Tonight, I was encouraged during a dinner I had with some friends. Each friend possesses a different creative spirit – one is a musician, the other an artist/businesses owner – and they both inspire me to continue in my own creative field of writing/spoken word.

We talked about each of our own creative endeavors and experiences, our goals. We also touched on where we currently are in life – one of those friends and I are in the midst of a living transition as we try to find a place to live together. The other friend has this grand idea, and is wanting to execute it within a certain time, and involve as many creative/artistic people she knows. We briefly spoke of our college days, which now seem like a distant memory or even a dream compared to the lives we're living right now.

And as I sit here in my bedroom, thinking about the season I'm currently in and seasons that I've passed through, I am trying to think of the goals I have in mind for the future, and how I can make a plan, and start executing that plan. Honestly, I've been in the planning season for a while, and I've also been trying to prioritize other things, like my health.

But I don't want my goals and dreams to sit on the bench; yes, what I've been trying to prioritize is important, but I also need to make sure that I'm doing something every day to obtain my dreams. I think for the remainder of my night, I'm going to sit here and really ask myself what I want to accomplish / where I want to be this time next week, next month, next year.

It's scary to come up with a plan, sometimes. One of my friends pointed out tonight that there's just something about making an actual plan to reach a goal that seems intimidating, and it sometimes stops us from really thinking through the process and achieving our goals. Maybe it's seeing how many steps we have to take. Maybe there's one particular step that requires us to really get out of our comfort zone.

But if there's one thing I've learned, planning and process is so important. And tonight, I realized that in a way, I've kind of been avoiding the planning process probably because I'm a little fearful of it. I've been focusing on other things I need to focus on, but at the same time, I knew I should be working on my craft.

No fear, though. Time to take advantage of this season.

What kind of season are you in? Are you doing things that are actually productive to you and where you want to eventually be? Ask yourself where you want to be next week, next month, next year; sit down and write those things down. Now write out how you're going to get there, no matter how crazy or scary it seems. Get together with a close friend and share these things with them, and come up with ways to stay proactive within your plans. 

We got this, luvvies!

#MishyWrites 🦋✨

Enough is Enough.

*Disclaimer: I’m not bashing anyone who has said that they are “ugly,” “worthless,” “stupid,” and any other derogatory terms on social media. There is freedom of speech; you can say what you want on your account. I’m only saying that I wish better for those who do say these things (myself included). We are so much more than we think we are.

So…I’m done.

I’m tired of hearing and seeing all of this self-hate, and I’m also tired of being a part of it. Recently, I’ve seen a lot of my friends or followers on social media say in various ways that they’re ugly, unloved, or not enough. And I feel like there are numerous reasons why they say such things…(and this is all just generally speaking. I’m not accusing any of my personal friends or followers of doing any of these things said below. These are just thoughts and observations of what I’ve been seeing and thinking about)

1. A Joke. Some people say they’re ugly as a joke. And while I’m not trying to be that person who’s always so serious, I honestly don’t think calling other people or yourself ugly is a joke. Ugly is a hurtful, heavy word. You shouldn’t use it for others or for yourself.

2. Attention / Assurance. Some say they’re ugly for the attention. They want people to prove them wrong, to give them some positive feedback and attention because they’ve called themselves ugly.

3. Humble. Unfortunately, many people can’t/don’t know how to take a compliment, maybe because they feel like they don’t deserve the compliment being paid to them, or they’re just bashful. So instead of, or even along with, a “thank you,” there’s sometimes a “but…I’m actually [insert demeaning adjective or noun here].” When did we think that humbly receiving a compliment meant that we had to tear ourselves down to deny the positive thing someone said to us? Now, I’m not saying that every single time someone does this in particular, they are 100% serious; but the fact that they think it is a good way of being humble just doesn’t sit right with me.

And I’m not just pointing fingers at my friends/followers/other people. I’m pointing the finger at myself too; I am just as guilty of saying that “I am merely a bean!” to people who say that I look gorgeous or flawless. It’s just something we’ve got ingrained in us; I feel like we can’t handle how amazing we all are, so we have to tell ourselves that we actually aren’t that great compared to the entire population.

But every time I see or hear someone I know say something negative about themselves, I always try to combat it. Because, whether it’s a joke or not, everyone feels ugly at some point, and if they’re talking about it or bringing it up, I want to take the opportunity to assure them that they are definitely not whatever negative noun/adjective they said they are, but they surely are “wonderful,” “amazing,” “worthy,” “loveable,” etc.

Am I angry at the people who keep saying they’re ugly on social media or otherwise? No, of course, not. I tweeted today that I’d fight those people…

…but I mean that out of love. We all go through moments when we don’t feel pretty or handsome or good enough. Some go through these moments more than others. And I am so adamant about assuring people that they are beautiful and worthy, not because I’m trying to flatter them, or because I just want them to like me. I say those things – “You’re gorgeous,” “You’re flawless,” “You’re worth it, luvvy,” – because I truly believe it and mean it. Because I’ve had those moments when I didn’t feel beautiful, and wished someone would look at me, and sincerely tell me I was worthy, beautiful, enough.

I’ve seen way too many physically beautiful people say they’re physically unattractive. I’ve heard way too many people with beautiful personalities wish they were more physically attractive because they feel like their personalities don’t matter unless they are what the world defines as beautiful. There is not more stock in physically attractive people, or in personality attractive people. Both are equal, yet the world wants us to think otherwise.

I’m sorry that the world has established these standards of beauty that are unattainable for most of us. I’m sorry that we may feel unworthy because the person we like thinks someone else – someone who looks nothing like us – is attractive. I’m sorry that we think that taking a compliment means saying we’re actually the opposite of that compliment. I’m sorry that you not getting the attention of someone you love made you feel less than.

But oh, dear luvvy, you are so worthy.

Enough is enough. I stand for beauty of all types, shapes, sizes. No person on this earth is exactly alike, and that is the most beautiful thing about us as humans; as God’s creation. We are each created in His Image, His likeness. We have no idea what He physically looks like, but there are so many adjectives in the Bible that describe His character – good, faithful, wonderful, mighty, powerful, the list goes on. Now, we are not all-powerful, or all-good; we’re still humans who make mistakes, and we won’t ever be perfect in this life. But if we depend on the Lord, we are capable of being as faithful, wonderful, good as we can where He has placed us.

You probably saw this coming…those typical Bible verses that everyone brings out when talking about self-esteem, beauty, etc. Psalm 139:13-14. Maybe some of you didn’t see it coming / don’t know them, but even if you did, I’m still gonna drop them here:

“For You formed my inward parts; You knitted me together in my mother’s womb. I praise You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Wonderful are Your works; my soul knows it very well.” (ESV)

You, dear reader, are beautiful, unique, wonderful, enough because the God of all creation created you, a wonderful work, a masterpiece. And He longs for you to know this very well, and to praise Him for it.

I know it’s hard sometimes; listen, I have just as much a hard time as anyone convincing myself that I am good enough in this world, that I am beautiful enough to be considered worthy of loving, that I am unique enough to stand out from the crowd. We beat ourselves up, and we have no reason to.

Also, the problem is not in wanting to be assured of how amazing we are; the problem is us being unable to see how amazing we are. It’s okay to want that affirmation from people, and I pray that there are people in your life to assure you of your beauty and greatness. But sometimes outside affirmation isn’t enough; sometimes that one person you want to hear it from doesn’t tell you what you want to hear. And this is why we have to be okay with ourselves, no, more than okay with ourselves; we have to see ourselves as worthy masterpieces. Not to the point of being prideful, but to the point of being able to see the beauty in other people too.

And I pray and encourage us all to look in the mirror tonight, tomorrow morning, right now, and say, “I am beautiful. I am worthy. I am unique. I am loved. And so is everyone else I come in contact with, be it face-to-face, or over social media.”

Say this with me: “I am amazing. You are amazing. We are all amazing.”

Now say it, and believe it.

#MishyWrites

 

“Good Vibes Only.”

I know that the title of this post is something we all probably see smacked onto cups, shirts, bags, etc. But I've honestly been needing good vibes after a couple of weeks of the things I've seen and heard.

I'm not here to point fingers or call out names, I'm here to just address the fact that the negativity has reached its peek for me, and I'm tired of having it around. I've read way too much bashing, and not enough kind comments. People are constantly talking about one another – one person will talk about someone, and then go to someone else to talk about the person they just talked to.

It's honestly all drained me, and made me think about a lot of things within this realm…

Me

All the negativity has me looking inward. I know I'm not perfect; as positive and encouraging as I am to the outside world most of the time, I have my moments, trust me. And I'm not proud of those moments in which I indulge in gossip, or eagerly await to hear the rumors about someone else. I'm not happy to say that I've sat in silence, and just listened to all of the negative discussions, instead of speaking up and addressing the fact that maybe things shouldn't be said or talked about.

I've realized it's not enough to be silent, and just stand around while the people around me are talking negatively. Because I'm still listening to the negativity; it gets into my mind, and before I know it, I'm thinking, saying, and doing the things I didn't want to think, say, or do. And because it affects me, if I continue it, it will affect those around me.

Honestly, a lot of the negativity I had been seeing was on social media, and I started to drift away from checking my socials often because I realized how much I was being affected by all of it. It's another reason why I stopped going on social media on Sundays – to have a day away from checking up on everyone else's lives, and potentially feeding off of and into the negativity I was seeing.

Pick a Side

I was seeing a lot of people who follow me and even each other talk badly about one another, and it made me so uncomfortable because we're all supposed to be on the same team. There shouldn't be an "us vs. them" or "me vs. her or him" mentality; we are all human, we are all wanting to get somewhere in life, and we are all connected to each other somehow, maybe by interest or people or location.

All of the negative talk also put me in this terrible position – I felt like I had to take a side. I either had to agree that "yes, this person was being this way," or "no, I don't think this person is like that," and this sort of dilemma is why I simply stayed silent. But again, even in silence, what I was hearing/seeing/reading was still affecting me. I began to take what some people said as gospel instead of questioning what was being said with questions such as:

Was what was being said true?
Was this person in a specific type of situation for them to act in the way being portrayed by the speaker?
How would this person feel if they were to hear what was being said about them?

the way in which I viewed the people being talked about, or the people doing the talking.

I Love You…I Love You Not…

By listening to and participating in the negative talking about others, or to others, my perspective of people began to be tainted by all of the things being said, and overall, it was affecting the way I loved on people, despite those things. And it's unfortunate because the things being said may not have been true, yet I used them as a measurement on whether I showed someone love or not.

 

Now, this isn't to say that I've totally blocked people, and have deemed them all horrible human beings for smack-talking each other. I am including myself as a person who smack-talks, and I say it with shame.

But I do want to address it because I'm tired of all of the negativity. Everyone says, posts, and supports "Good Vibes Only," but are we actually willing to be a part of what that actually means?

It means we love each other the best we can without trying to stir the pot (even though it may be fun sometimes. I didn't say spreading around negativity was boring; it happens for a reason). It means instead of tearing each other down, we're building each other up, encouraging each other in the things we're each pursuing, and embracing the differences we each have, because not one person is the same. Sure, there may be some similarities in some things, but each person is a unique human being who needs to be treated with some respect.

I'm not saying throw out some fake love; don't say or do anything that you don't genuinely mean. But it does mean that, if you have the opportunity to bash someone else, you choose not to do so. Maybe instead of staying silent while someone you know or sort of know is being talked about, you stand up for that person, and ask the speaker some hard questions about what is being said. I'm not saying throw hate on the speaker either; I'm saying, ask questions that will make them think about what they're saying.

It's hard and I know it is, because I have a hard time choosing the high road of not spreading the negativity.

But I just encourage myself and all of us to seriously spread the good vibes – be a positive light in the conversations you have. If you're tempted to talk bad about someone, think of one good thing about that person instead, and genuinely mean it.

Think about what you're saying before you say it.

Place yourself in the shoes of the person you're wanting to talk about – how would you feel if the things you were about to say were said about you? A lot of this just goes back to the major "Golden Rule" – "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you."

So yeah, that was just something that's been weighing on my heart lately, and I hope that my thoughts were able to make you think about where you are within the realm of good vibes and negative talk. We've all done it at some point, and we can't change that. What we can change is our reaction the next time the opportunity to speak negatively presents itself.

#MishyWrites #TruthPrevails 🦋✨

 

To Be Honest…I Thank You.

Another small break from the Postcard Prose series. I know a series is supposed to include consecutive pieces on the same topic or subject, but sometimes life and the choices you make just don’t allow for it to happen.

So, I’m going to write very quickly on some things that have been on my heart lately.

Mishy, Are You Okay?

Yes, I am okay. When people ask me this question, I always say, “yes,” not to put up this facade that nothing is ever wrong with me, but because over all, I am okay. Sure, I may be busy. Sure, there are a lot of things on my mind, lots of decisions to make, and prioritizing I need to do. But (and I feel like I’ve written this to you all before) I am not sick. I am not going through an extremely difficult time. Praise the Lord, the troubles I have really aren’t that major; just every day struggles of being an adult who is trying to pay the bills and still do what I love.

That doesn’t mean there aren’t hard days because, I promise you, there are. And I am tempted to put up a facade sometimes, and say I’m okay when I’m not. I do want to admit that I do struggle; nothing is easy.

I’ve had two people recently ask me if I’m okay, and while my overall answer has been yes, I also explained the things on my mind…

PRIORITIES

I feel like this is a constant chapter in my adult life. I’m always prioritizing and re-prioritizing my life. And it’s hard, because just when I feel like I’ve got a good schedule or routine going, I realize that I haven’t prioritized in the best way, and I’m back to Square 1.

First and foremost, I’ve been praying that the Lord would continue to mold me into the person He wants me to be. Because I don’t want to just be comfortable in my faith; I long to grow and learn from Him. I want to have that child-like faith; I want Him to be at the forefront of my mind at all times, and I have just been super convicted that I haven’t been living my life for Him, and have been distracted by a lot of other things.

Which brings me to the second thing: social media. I’ve been “teased,” and actually been seriously told more than once, that I’m on my phone way too much. For years, I’ve brushed off the comments, defended myself, tried to make excuses as to why this is such a problem for me. And recently, when I was told again about 2-3 times that I was on my phone a lot, I was super convicted.

Is that really what people think of me? Is that how they view me?

So, I’ve been diving into that problem within me. Honestly, that was hard to type to you, but I need to admit it – I have such a problem with being so connected to everyone online, and I’m afraid I’ve missed so much around me because of it. I have “FOMO” (fear of missing out, to those who don’t know) when it comes to things happening online; if one of my favorite artists dropped a new single, I want to know about it! If one of my favorite writers is doing a contest for a free book, I want to be the first to know so I can enter before it’s too late. Clearly, I have a problem.

I’ve taken steps to really cut myself back from the phone usage – turning off the social media notifications, and not being on social media at all on Sundays. Putting my phone on silent, and burying it beneath my bag. Putting it inside my wallet when I’m hanging out with friends, especially if there’s some deep conversation happening. If these prove to not help, I’m determined to try other ways. Because I’m tired of being that person missing out on real life, but being up-to-date on things outside of the realm of my personal world.

And lately on social media anyway, there’s just been some slight negativity that’s been affecting me, causing my heart to ache. None of the negative things are about or toward me, but it’s draining and sad to see how the tearing down of others, or the sadistic nature of people’s thoughts can be. I feel like opening myself up to that has made me vulnerable to do the same – to talk bad about people, to be more pessimistic, to be distant in a bad way rather than a healing way.

These things are only scratching the surface of what’s been going on in my heart, mind, and life. I haven’t even touched the matters of balancing having a social life/doing the things I love with the people I love, and focusing on my writing – what I feel called to do. And trying to fit in my health (physical, mental, spiritual, and emotional).

I talked to Pa (my stepdad) about this all tonight, and he made a good point – all of these things are good problems to have (first-world problems, as he put it). I have a lot of good things going on in my life, better than real problems other people are having, and I am grateful that the Lord has blessed me with problems such as these. I don’t want to discount them as struggles, but I do want to acknowledge that these are not terrible things.

And I’m grateful because, through all of this, I am learning to be less dependent on myself to get things done, and more dependent on my God to just teach me and show me that He is good – even if I can’t finish it all on time, even if I have to say “no” to something, even if I feel exhausted beyond belief – He is GOOD.

Grateful

I had someone ask me if I was okay tonight. I don’t know her personally, but through my friend Silas and his music, I’ve been able to message her, and get to know her a little.

And I told her a little about what was going on. She told me she felt like I was distant lately, and since our communication is via social media, I told her about me trying to separate more from social media.

It meant a lot to me, though, that she was brave and willing to ask me that question: “Are you okay?” People ask that all the time; it’s one of those typical conversation openers, whether it be face-to-face, texting, or on social media; but in the current season I’m in right now, that question really helps me.

Having someone ask me aloud, or even through text if I am okay makes me stop and really process and think through whether I am really okay. I answer that question with honesty, because I know answering that question honestly is a good step towards making the changes I need to make, or keeping the things I need to keep.

So, I am overall grateful – for the Lord placing in my heart this want to strive to be more like Him. For those people and their snarky and serious comments about me being on my phone too much. For the people on social media who helped me realize that to have my head all in that world isn’t all that great all the time. For people like my stepdad who support me, and remind me of the great place I actually am in. And for the girl who asked me if I was okay tonight.

Thank you. From the bottom of my heart.

Forward I go!

💙 Mishy 🦋

“I used to think…”

Still trying to re-work the next Postcard Prose post, but here’s a little something I wrote in the creative writing workshop I attended tonight.

The prompt was just writing our thoughts beginning with the phrase “I used to think…”


 

I used to think that poetry wasn’t for me.

It was for all those people I took writing classes with, who had that special kind of love for coffee and
thinking and style that got to weave words together to make sense of the world through metaphors and imagery, all the while
also being capable of eloquently speaking what was
on their minds and in their hearts.

I used to think that that was impossible for me to do.
To write something so
vulnerable and true,
And have the courage to not just let it
sit between the lines,
Squished between the pages of a journal that I’d find
years later, tucked underneath the rest of my scribbled on books.

To be where I am now took courage; it always takes that.
There are days I struggle to pick up a pen and allow all these words to
pour forth
and stick and fit together.

I sometimes wonder if this poetry is just a phase,
Or something I was forever created for.

So, I hold onto hope,
Praying that God keeps
closing and opening the doors,
And gives me the strength to allow the unfolding of everything to take place.

And overall I pray, that He helps me seek His Face.

💙 Mishy 🦋