Cabo Vacation Re-Cap

Hey guys!

Honestly, this isn’t the first post I wrote for today; I wrote something about post-vacay depression because it hit me really hard as soon as I got back to my apartment this afternoon. I tried to ease back into my normal by unpacking and doing laundry, trying to get things in order, and setting aside clothes for church tomorrow, and each activity made my heart ache even more than before.

But How Was Cabo Tho?

Cabo was AMAZING. I posted a lot of pictures on Instagram about what we were doing almost every day (sorry not sorry) – snorkeling, driving ATVs, riding a boat to the beach and a few famous Cabo sites, getting a massage, relaxing by the poolside – these images can’t even do the trip justice. It was a vacation each one of us needed, especially since we hadn’t been together for a long time.

A few people wondered if I would vlog the trip, and even though it would have made a really sweet vlog, there were a couple of reasons why I didn’t vlog…

  1. Cameras: Unfortunately, I’ve lost my cameras, and I think they’re lost for good. I’ve tried all that I can to relocate them, but I think they’re gone, guys. I sometimes still have waves of worry and hurt because of my perfectionism: “It’s my fault that I don’t have them anymore, and how could I have been so careless and forgetful about where I had them?” but I’m slowly getting over it. You may be thinking, “Mishy, you could have just filmed on your iPhone…it takes HD videos too.” But here’s where number two comes in…
  2. Presence: I would have been totally distracted during my vacation had I tried to vlog most of the time. Sure, I was still a little distracted taking pictures, and even with some things like the song with SodTp dropping, and promoting my website dropping next week. But, I would have worried more about what my vacation looked like than what it actually was. And I know that would have regretted doing that, even if the footage would have been amazing.

So, no vlogging on vacation. I just think I enjoyed myself more than if I had tried to. I hope to get back to it, though, once I can get some things in order. I’ve just got a lot going on right now, and it’s hard to juggle everything at once.

Post.Vacay.Depression

I walked into my apartment, weary of the short trek I’d taken from my car and up the stairs to my front door. I dreaded hearing the empty echoes of my footsteps across the living room floors, and the silence met with me shuffling along to get myself and my stuff through the door and to my room.

A curtain of relief fell upon my shoulders as I heard the quiet voice of one of my roommates, who was sitting in her bedroom. It didn’t completely take the emptiness I was feeling away, but it did cheer me up.

Since coming home this afternoon, I’ve been doing laundry, taking inventory of my pantry for grocery shopping tomorrow, and organizing/cleaning things in my room. I tried to listen to some music, but a lot of what I wanted to listen to reminded me of my trip and my friends, and it was too sentimental. I swear, I’ve been on the verge of tears all afternoon.

I’m so grateful for the time I had last week. I’m grateful for the concert I went to before I traveled, and all of the traveling safety that the Lord provided. And right now, I’m trying to be grateful to be home. But I’m really struggling. So much so that I’m scrambling to find new music to listen to, I’ve ordered pizza and ice cream for myself, started a new Netflix show to keep my away from reality, and talked to my best friend (whom I just saw yesterday, mind you) for almost an hour-and-a-half.

The post-vacay depression is so real.

I have such a hard time when exciting things end, as I’m sure everyone else does. Like when a concert is over, everyone is sad because they don’t want it to be over. I expressed my sadness to my roommate, and explained that I would rather have something else exciting happen, or my work week immediately start than admit that the exciting event or concert or vacation is over.

And after briefly talking with her about it, and sitting here eating pizza and watching The Carmichael Show on Netflix to try to suppress the sad feelings, I realize that I really need to process through what’s happened, no matter how much it hurts…

I went to a concert last Friday, and had a blast.

The next morning, I flew out to Mexico, and spent one whole week doing things I’d never done in a place I’d never been before. I laughed harder than I’d laughed in a while. While I was in Mexico, the week back home was normal – work was still happening. My friends were going about their daily lives. I missed one whole normal week here at home in exchange for the best summer vacation I’ve ever had.

And now it’s over. And yes, it’s sad that it’s over – my best friend is back in our hometown for another week. I’m preparing myself mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually for this new upcoming week (even though I am slightly pushing the feelings down with food and Netflix). Even writing out this blog is helping me accept what my reality is.

Next week is a big week; there are only a few days left until some major things happen. In order for things to run smoothly, I need to allow myself the time to ease back into my normal routine, even if I don’t like the feeling of it. Even if it makes my  heart ache, and miss the times and experiences I had.

Praising the Lord that this post-vacay depression is slowly starting to ease up. I think every hour back home makes it a little easier on me.

I’m done with vacation. Now I’m back on the grind.

💙 Mishy 🦋

walls.

“Story of my life I can’t quite comprehend. Don’t tell me if you know how it ends.”

These are some words from one of my favorite artists, The Rocket Summer i.e. Bryce Avary from his song “Walls.”

Honestly, I’ve been quite discouraged about where I am in my work. I’ve gotten pretty distracted by other projects, and other changes happening in my life (like work schedules and wisdom teeth surgery), and I feel like the clock is winding down on everything I need to accomplish, and because I’ve been doing a poor job at accomplishing things, I just need to surrender and realize it’s not going to get done.

I’ve been so discouraged that I almost didn’t do a #MotivationalMishyMonday tonight on Instagram live. Yes, I initially forgot about it, but the truth of the matter is, once I realized I needed to do it, I didn’t want to because I as feeling down and out. How could an unmotivated person like me go on Instagram and try to be all motivational for other people?

Just as I wrote about in my last post about being single, I was tempted to create another wall; a wall that hindered me from doing the work I knew needed to get done. A wall that discouraged me from even taking a step in the right direction towards accomplishing my goals. A wall of keeping silent about struggling through being unmotivated. And wanting to build this wall made me not want to do an IG live.

“I’ll help you break the walls down.”

But I’m so glad I went live; because I was very honest with the people who were live with me about how I was feeling about everything I was working on, and each person gave me some amazing pieces of advice that I feel like I needed to hear.

Even though I expressed this a little during the live, I want to thank each and every person who was there and who encouraged me, or even just talked to me tonight. Even though we may not know each other well or personally, your presence was needed in this exact moment in my life, and the Lord knew it.

This isn’t to say that people who didn’t join the live weren’t or aren’t as helpful to me in my times of discouragement. But here in this moment, I needed to hear the words that were said (or typed). I normally go on IG live to encourage others, but a lot of the time, I find that I am encourage by the people who join.

So, with another week officially started, I am willing to really re-prioritize why I’m doing all that I’m doing (thank you, Hannah). I’m ready to keep praying more and seeking the Lord on all that is going on. I’m ready to change my space; to rearrange some things so that my mind isn’t distracted by things surrounding me (thank you, Brittany). I am currently texting my best friend about what’s going on, telling her my feelings, and asking for advice and prayer (thank you, MiMi).

Thank you all for helping break my walls down. Thank you to Bryce Avary for writing and making music that will help re-focus my intentions, and express what I’m feeling. Thank You, Jesus, for a three-day weekend, and another start to a new week.

Philippians 4:13 – “I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me.”

#MishyWrites

💙 Mishy 🦋

end-of-the-week blessings. – a reflection

Guys. This week though.

I’ve been so busy, and normally, I feel extremely overwhelmed when I’ve been as busy as I have been this week. I am tired because I’ve been doing a lot this week, and haven’t gotten the proper amount of sleep every single night…

But you know, the amount of sleep I’ve been getting hasn’t been bad. Sure, I’ve had some weird dreams, but other than that, my nights have been pretty restful.

And even though some weekly goals have been thrown aside for a little bit, I feel like other goals have been met, goals that I’ve been talking about for months, but haven’t gotten around to. This week, I was able to start some new things, and it felt really good.

So, this week wasn’t perfect; I definitely have some things I need to improve on. I totally felt weak more than a few times throughout the past several days. I’m even grateful for times like that; keeps me humble and grounded, always relying on God more than on myself, or the people around me.

But I thank the Lord for giving me the days I had this week, the times I was able to do some things out of the norm, the people I was able to spend time with.

I’m thankful that the Lord has shown me an endless amount of grace, and even through me struggling through my quiet times recently, He has reminded me of His steadfast love through His Word, despite me feeling distant from Him.

I’m grateful that it’s the weekend, and that even through all of the different events I had going on this week, I can actually see the bottom of my bedroom floor.

End-of-the week blessings right here. I still need to fold the clean laundry that I did last week, and probably clear off my bed so I can actually sleep. But, I have clothes to wear, and a bed to sleep in.

Blessings upon blessings!

💙 Mishy 🦋

Remembering the Roots (write on, pt. 3)

Recently, someone I follow on Instagram posted on their story that they were getting back to blogging, and I asked them what their blog link was. After telling me, they expressed how healing blogging could be, and that statement made me pause and think about whether blogging was actually healing for me, or whether I saw it more as a duty I had to accomplish.

Honestly, I can tell you I’ve felt both. But the healing aspects of blogging have totally outweighed the “have-to” feelings.

I tweeted / Snapchatted / InstaStoried this last night, but I’ve been missing daily blogging. So much so that I’m trying to get back to blogging every day – to get back to the roots of how this whole process began. To those who don’t know how the whole #JustStartWriting and daily blogging began, I won’t go into full detail about it until everything is updated on June 21st.

But just know that this has been a cornerstone, a foundation of this whole process. And even though I’ve been busy with other creative endeavors and have felt the need to leave this behind, I know in my heart I just can’t. It doesn’t feel right to me to not write on here every day (except for Sundays, that is).

And even though I’ve gone weeks and sometimes almost months without typing a word here, know that each time I was absent on the blog, there was a little bit of guilt that settled within my soul. I always felt like a piece of me was missing. And even though I may have stopped blogging in obedience to where God was leading me, it didn’t make the absence of daily blogging hurt any less. Even though I knew what I was doing was right, I longed to have my fingers back on my laptop keyboard. I ached to pour my thoughts out to you all here in this little space of mine.

All this to say – it’s important to not forget where you came from, where you started.

When I was in college, sure, I was changing into someone new, becoming more of who I am today, changing some habits I had had in high school. But a major part of me was still the same; I didn’t forget what my parents taught me, what they instilled within me for the first seventeen years of my life. And those same things are still with me as I’ve completed a full year of adulthood, and am entering year number two.

The roots of your journey – be it the journey of a project, your talent, a career, or your life – are vital to the current work you’re doing now. Don’t forget them. Hold them close.

I thank God for providing this platform for me, for giving me the wisdom and patience to be able to write to you all on here every day. Without Him it would be impossible, and I am reminded of how dependent I am upon Him, and how much He has inspired this process every day.

And until the Lord has told me otherwise, I will continue to be here. I will continue to write on.

#MishyWrites #JustStartWriting

💙 Mishy 🦋

updates + a poem.

So, haha, hello? Is this thing on??

It’s definitely been a minute. More like a week. I feel like that’s been the longest I’ve gone without blogging all year. And it feels so weird. And I’m sorry for being so absent!

I have been extremely busy with some new projects, life events, social events, and work. How it’s almost the end of April is beyond me. How Easter has come and gone is crazy. How my sister is graduating from college next weekend, therefore, making it a year since I graduated college is unbelievably out-of-this-world. Time flies.

I am going to share a poem that I wrote during my two-week Twitter break. It was a poem that I was going to save for later posting, but I think it’s time to share it with you all.

It’s appropriate to share it now, I think, because as I’m preparing and working on my creative endeavors, I have to constantly remind myself that I cannot be distracted by all the things going on; I can’ even be distracted with my creative work. I can’t let all the hours of tedious typing, alignment, filming, thinking overcome my spiritual life, and bring me into the jaws of pride.

I can’t wait until everything I’m currently working on comes together so that you aren’t just exposed to the written aspect of my words, but you’ll be able to hear it in my voice, and visualize it through acting.

Coming soon. 8.5 is the magic number as of right now. #waitonit

For now, though, enjoy this poem: 

I was hesitant to let go for fear of others’ thoughts. I was scared that if I admitted I had a problem, there would be judgment, shame. I could hear the “you know better’s” and the “I thought you had it all together’s” hindering me from growing. Closing doors of opportunity without me even knowing.

I tried to run from it. Tried to pretend like everything was fine. I tried to make it seem like I wasn’t wasting my time, but I can’t run from God. I can’t hide, can’t pretend that my Maker doesn’t know what’s best for me, or isn’t on my side.

I wanted to think I could handle it all – the attention, the pressure, the admiration and love. I thought being humble about everything would be enough, but pride is sneaky; it takes many different shapes. So much so, before you know it, you’re no longer just “great,” but you’re the greatest, the best, better than the rest.

I told a friend that the battle in my mind was too clear. Spirit desired to do good, but the flesh was also near, whispering in my ear that I deserved all this. I’d worked hard, I’d been searching, seeking, waiting on God to make things abundantly clear to me.

Surely, I thought, surely, this is where I need to be. What I need to do. 

But, O God, I cannot move forward. No, not without You.

Steady my heart, Lord. Steady my mind. Take the pen in my hand and, write out my poems, my rhymes. 

It all sounds so good, God. It all feels so right.

Or so I thought, until I could no longer sleep at night. My mind began to wander, my heart unsteady still. And, finally, I could take no more, and said,

Lord, have Your will. Not mine. I’m sorry it took some time for me to obey, and see that my way was getting me nowhere.

God, I haven’t written a good few words in some days now. And I’m scared. Please don’t take this gift from me, please give me strength to use it well. Humble me now, and ready my soul so I may continue to write and tell everyone I know or come in contact with that my words are not mine, but Yours.

I plead the fifth.

Because none of it was me, no, the only thing I’m guilty of is allowing pride to swallow me, and still fool me into thinking I was good. I could handle this. I could be humble enough to manage this, but God in His grace showed me how wrong I was, and told me to get away from all the buzz, the noise that was causing me to focus more on myself than on Him.

Lord, I accept Your mercy. Please, forgive my sin.

#JustStartWriting

💙 Mishy 🦋

“Don’t You Forget About Me”

I know I didn’t blog yesterday, but I haven’t forgotten about writing!

Currently, there’s a lot going on in my world that makes it simultaneously exciting, intimidating, and frustrating to be where I am right now. It’s only Tuesday, and I’ve had to mentally, emotionally, and physically say “no” to things already so that I’m not maxing my energy out. I’ve got a lot on my plate, and I know that I need to make sure I take care of myself, or everything I got going on won’t be taken care of.

So, here I am. Sipping stress relief tea once again, typing this up to you, while also helping my cousin with her English paper, trying to work on website updates (STAY TUNED!!!), and waiting for one of my favorite people to get on Instagram live before I brusth my teeth, and hit the sack to get enough sleep for work tomorrow.

All this after working about ten hours at my job. And even though I may skip a day or two of blogging (*inner writer critic cringes*), I haven’t forgotten to write, to blog, to read my Bible, to pray, to breathe.

I’m kind of grateful for the busyness though. I find that sometimes when I’m sort of just chilling out, I crave for things to keep me productive. And yes, eventually, I may get a little overwhelmed, and have to step back a little bit.

So, I just ask for prayers as I dive into all the things that are going on right now. Thank you to everyone who is reading this, to everyone who has kept up with me through so many phases of my life. There’s so much more to come, and I’m super excited to share it with you all.

That being said, I’ve been thinking that maybe I’ll be blogging only a few days out of the week instead of every day. Regardless of whether I blog here or not, I do some form of writing, be it in my journals, in my downtime writing a poem, writing bios or content for the website, helping someone with their papers, etc. So the practice of my writing wouldn’t be lacking.

I’m not sure though, so don’t take that as an announcement of me not blogging every day!

It’s late, and I need to go. Just remember…I didn’t forget about this. And I won’t. Normally, if I haven’t blogged when I’m supposed to, I mentally kick myself lol.

#JustStartWriting

💙 Mishy 🦋

Easter Sunday

Tomorrow is Easter Sunday. The day in which Christians celebrate the Resurrection of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. 

Part of me felt like writing something about this day would be sort of cheesy or distasteful since so many people are writing, posting, snapping about it. And unfortunately, I feel like this day is only overlooked or watered down due to the pressure to sometimes post about what we’re wearing or doing, who we’re with, or where we are for Easter Sunday.

(I’m guilty of all this too, so in no way am I just pointing the finger at other people.)

But I just want to take a second and just breathe and think about this day.

I’ve seen two really great posts about Easter, ones that have truly reminded me of how important the past few days have been, from Good Friday until tomorrow, Easter Sunday. 

One was from a friend who reminisced on several occasions when his life could have been taken, but wasn’t, and in thinking about these things, thought of how Christ had ultimately taken his place, and given up His life to save all of us who believe in Him. My friend’s words shook me; to have that kind of perspective was extremely wise and insightful. 

The other was from another friend who expressed her frustration over how this weekend was seen sometimes as simply a Friday off of work, or the only Sunday of the year people go to church. And I admired her boldness in writing how her heart was feeling, and I also felt convicted about the things she was frustrated with, especially since this weekend I’m out of town, and not in my normal setting of going to church and such.

I want to thank these two friends for sharing their hearts and thoughts about Easter, and what it means to them. Their words probably touched more people than they know.

Even as I write this, I am asking the Lord to forgive me for simply seeing this weekend as a long weekend, even though it is. But it is so much more. As a Christian myself, this weekend should mean everything to me. And although it has definitely been a healing weekend being home, and with two of my closest friends, it is more so healing because I am celebrating my Savior conquering death. He did so so that I may have life, so that I may be able to one day live in eternity with him.

And, although I am truly grateful for the blessing of being home, this gift is way better than a long weekend at the beach. 

So as I challenge myself, I also challenge any other Christians to not just simply observe Easter Sunday, but to contemplate all it is. To really think about what this means in regards to our faith. To ask the Lord to help us grasp the gravity of this celebration.

And since I don’t write posts on Sundays, I will exclaim this now:

Hallelujah, He is risen! My Lord and Savior lives! 

#JustStartWriting

💙 Mishy 🦋