I’ve had to do a lot of thinking lately. A lot of self-evaluation in regards to what I’m doing who I’m doing it for how it affects the way I live. I feel terrible for not blogging anything recently but I do think I needed the time to step back, and be introspective about it all.
I’m tempted to be down about not writing, but I know that’s just going to hinder me even more. Life goes on.
I think the main questions I’ve been asking myself are, “How can I desire the things of God more than the things of this world? The world just looks so enticing sometimes. What does this desire look like in reference to pursuing my dreams? In reference to chasing after the truth, and putting words together to communicate it?”
These questions were answered as I read my Bible last week, and was in the books of Psalms and Proverbs…
“Let the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be acceptable in Your sight O Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.” – Psalm 19:14 (ESV)
Every word I write or speak, I want it to reflect the relationship I have with my Heavenly Father. That is my goal. That is what I want to base all of my writing with. I won’t be perfect at it, but I should strive to be this way. And I’ve been wrestling with the thought of what this really means. Does this mean that everything write has to have the word “Jesus” or “God” in it? I’ve always been tempted to think that Christian writers can sound cliche because they’re trying so hard to portray the perfect Christian character, or sound extremely theological, when I honestly believe that writing the every day thought, feeling, struggle, etc. is expressive enough.
I don’t and shouldn’t have to keep telling you guys in everything I write that I am a Christian; it should show in the way that I view the world, and my circumstances.
Of course, some of my writing may reflect hard times, and I’m not saying that everything I write will have the best Christian perspective. Because life gets hard sometimes; things don’t go the way we thought they would. Plans change, and so do people. Life has it’s ups and downs. But I will guarantee that my writing will portray a real Christian’s perspective – the good and bad. The easiness of life and the struggle. When following God is easy, and when it’s hard.
“Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God.” – Psalm 20:7 (ESV)
I tend to want to follow the process, or depend on followers, views, or social media to make my dreams happen. But my trust must be in the Lord. It hurts sometimes to think that maybe my dreams don’t align with the plan He has for my life, but if I continue to seek after Him, I believe His desires will become my desires.
There sometimes seems to be a formula to how I can make my dreams happen (at least, that’s how it seems to me), but I’m learning that trusting God with it is the only formula I need. Doesn’t mean everything’s going to go my way – but I will be more at peace knowing I did what I was supposed to first and foremost.
“Because Your steadfast love is better than life, my lips will praise You.” – Psalm 63:3 (ESV)
Life is so busy. I become so entrenched wit it, so caught up in simply surviving that I forget what is truly important. I want to live every day with the mindset that God’s love is greater than my life. It’s greater than any sunshine-y, easy work day. Better than any piece I could write. Better than any piece my favorite writers could write, or any song my favorite musicians could sing and play.
His Love is the best.
From Proverbs 1…
“The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge; fools despise wisdom and instruction.” (v. 7)
It start here. Fearing the Lord. I touched on this a little in my last blog post, but I cannot have biblical wisdom or Truth instilled within me until I fear the Lord. I cannot expect to write truth until I am filled with it.
“My son, if sinners entice you, do not consent.” (v. 10)
I’ve honestly felt some pressure to be a certain way; to be “grown,” I need to at like this, say these things, listen to this stuff. A lot of it isn’t biblical. I cannot be enticed by this world in this way, or even in the ways the world says I should in order to get where I need to be.
I will get where I need to be by simply fearing the Lord, and being obedient to what He has for me to do.
“Such are the ways of everyone who is greedy for unjust gain; it takes away the life of its possessors.” (v. 19)
Verses 8-19 of this chapter describe the enticement of sinners, and I honestly was comparing it to the thoughts of those who do things just to “make it,” or for the popularity or the money. I have been so tempted to be discouraged about my writing, about #JustStartWriting, about my vision, and my dream because I’m not “there” yet.
But where is “there” exactly? I need to stop worrying about what everybody else is doing, and focus on what the Lord has for me to do.
“If you turn at my (wisdom’s) reproof, behold, I will pour out my spirit to you; I will make my words known to you.” (v. 23)
I’ve been so hesitant to really focus on my faith because I’m afraid that my writing will become too preachy or so faith-filled no one will want to read it. But, as I said in my last blog post about being a woman, my faith is the most important aspect of my life, and if that isn’t portrayed in my writing, or isn’t the driving force behind my writing, I feel like it’s all kind of pointless.
I shouldn’t be afraid to have my faith be a main motivator in what I do. And I don’t want it to be fake either; like I don’t want to just say, “Thank you, God, or giving me this talent of writing,” and that be the only credit I ever give Him for all the words that come out of me. I want it to be sincere. I want to turn to wisdom every day, and truly ponder in it before I do anything.
“Because they hated knowledge, and did not choose the fear of the Lord, would have none of my (wisdom’s) counsel and despised all my reproof, therefore they shall eat the fruit of their way, and have their fill of their own devices.” (v. 29-31)
Truthfully, I feel like I haven’t been choosing the fear of the Lord in some aspects of my life. I feel like I’ve been trying to find my way through this writing thing on my own. Even though it seems having a fill of my own devices is good, it’ll only be good for so long until it blows up in my face. I know that what I want truly does not matter here. It’s okay for me to dream, to desire things sometimes, but my desires and dreams shouldn’t be my main focus. I shouldn’t throw godly wisdom to the wind to gain satisfaction here on earth.
“…but whoever listens to me (wisdom) will dwell secure and will be at ease without dread of disaster.” (v. 33)
This is the promise; something I need to take seriously, and practice daily. It’s too easy to forget and push biblical wisdom aside.
In order for my writing to be straight, my mind, body, and most importantly, my spirit need to be straight first. “Dwelling secure” and being “at ease without dread of disaster” sound great to me. I just need to be in it.
Overall, I have realized that I’m way too concerned about how the world will receive my writing, how they’ll view me, whether I’ll reach a certain point of popularity or fame, whether what I have to say is true, relevant, and original if there are strands of my faith or my walk in the faith woven through it.
But none of that should matter because none of that is going to bring me joy or happiness. None of that stuff has an unconditional love for my soul, my life. None of that stuff cares about my eternal salvation, or that of my loved ones.
Not to say that what I’ve written before doesn’t reflect my faith, or my genuine thoughts and emotions. Just because it doesn’t explicitly talk about my faith, it doesn’t make it any less relevant. It doesn’t discount those writings.
A famous poet that I look up to named Reyna Biddy (whom I’ve mentioned before) expressed how she longs to connect with people through her words. And honestly, that’s what I hope my writing will ultimately do – connect with people’s feelings and emotions, and have the force behind my words and that connection be my faith.
I wrote the poem below this afternoon, and I feel like it sort of brings all of my thoughts together. A final culmination of everything I’ve been thinking about.
It’s been a few days since I
Wrote to you.
I’ve been contemplating the meaning of
The words of been speaking and writing
And wondering if it’s all been meaningless.
It hasn’t, and I know it hasn’t.
The words I’ve written have been
Reflections of feelings and situations that
Have actually happened.
I can’t deny how I felt back then,
How I feel now.
Which is why I’ve been brought to the conclusion that
Writing isn’t about
It’s not about having a huge fan-base or following.
It’s all about
Connecting with the hearts and souls of those
Who feel alone. Who feel like they need
Someone to tell them it’s all gonna be okay,
Who desperately crave to have their
Emotions expressed in a way
That’s relevant and accurate.
And I can’t do this if
Isn’t the driving force of
What keeps my writing on course.
It’s the priority, and I do mean “the”
Because it’s too tempting to focus all my
Writing on me,
And what I desire it to become one day.
Can’t worry about the future,
Gotta take care of the now.
Need to keep doing what I’ve been doing
The best I know how.
I’ll write on.
💙 Mishy 🦋