*~. MERRY CHRISTMAS .~*
On the 12th day of poetry, Mishy gave to us…
I lie here in bed, thinking how all this week
You’ve told me to “wait.”
While I stare up at the ceiling, feeling the physical drain of heartache,
The longing to move forward,
The anxiety and eagerness of wanting to
Break the silence
That makes me feel a bit of difficulty in breathing yet
You simply tell me to “wait.”
Not once, not twice but
Three times, maybe more.
It’s not like I haven’t heard You tell me this before, because
I have…and You know it.
And, unfortunately, each time doesn’t get any easier.
My desires are strong, and I come to You
Asking, begging, longing,
Knowing full-well that You’ll have Your will.
And it’s up to me to either trust and accept that
You know what’s best,
Or allow my own feelings of
Hurt, anger, disappointment, loneliness,
To swallow me up,
And lead me on a path where I
Resist Your comfort, and
Seek my own.
I want to surrender. My heart and spirit crave it so badly.
But with this yearning come thoughts like
“When is anyone ever going to love me?”
And it’s selfish, I know, because I’ve been loved all my life,
Probably more than some people ever will be in their lifetimes but
How can I be content when all I see are
Couples and engagements and weddings
Displaying pure happiness all over my social media feeds I
Can’t sit here and pretend like a piece of me doesn’t want that because
But…You tell me to
And for weeks, I’ve thought of this message, and with Christmas coming this month,
I think of how in those times, there were so many waiting…
Your earthly mother, Mary,
Expecting your arrival after the Lord told her that You’d be born to her with her virgin status never changing.
Joseph, your earthly father, waiting to hear when there was finally a place open for him and Mary to rest from their wandering.
The angels in Heaven anticipating to reach the shepherds with the news that,
Unto us a Savior is born, in the city of David!
And the other angels, waiting for their cue to appear to the shepherds as well
With a song of glory and praise for the arrival of the Savior of the world,
The Messiah that those in the past, and those presently there, had been waiting for.
And today, after Your birth, Your life, Your death, and Resurrection,
You continue to tell me to “wait,”
Only this time, not for Your physical arrival,
But for Your arrival in certain areas of my life.
And with the Help of the Holy Spirit that you’ve so gifted upon Your people,
I pray that I can patiently wait
Just as Mary and Joseph did. Just as the angels did.
Just as the rest of the world did for this very day in which
~ written on November 26, 2017 at 9:56pm but revised for Christmas Day on Christmas Eve