“no. 111517”

My feet shift under the quicksands of those too quick to commit,
And those too hesitant to even try.
I’ve fallen on my face one too many times and
I’m over it.
Yes, lessons were learned –
People came and went, some came back unexpectedly,
And yes,
I’m thankful for that.
How many times though do I need to find myself on my knees,
Asking God to please just have His way,
Knowing good and well that He’s going to, whether I like it or not?

The last time I adamantly prayed that prayer, you left.

And even though I convinced myself that I’d be okay,
That I’d be strong through it, and accept it for what it was,
I was weaker than I realized.

I crumbled.

And it took so long to rebuild myself again.
To allow the Lord to break me down just to show me what He could create in me,
Using me to mold something new.

Revealing someone I didn’t know lived inside of me.

And now that I it in this new skin,
This new form,
I can’t help but wonder sometimes who in the world could look at a creature like me and
Not be intimidated.
Who would dare take the risk of coming close to someone like me: someone so
Bold and beautiful,
Shining bright, laughing loud, speaking so much truth,
Who in their right minds would stand by my side,
Take my hand and
Love me?

Admittedly, there are days that the thought seems completely impossible.
But I know I have the comfort of my God,
Who knows my heart –
What it yearns for, what it needs –
He hears my questions,
My fears, my wonders,
He sees my fears,
And even though no one’s decided to
Step up and
Stand by me,
My God has always stood by me to gently tell me that
It is well. All is well with Him.
That He is capable of touching me deeper than anyone in this world ever could.
And even though my soul my waver between
It is well and
It is hard,
It is hurtful,
It is lonely…

I will wait.

#MishyWrites 🦋✨

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