Today I Affirm:
"being hurt will not stop me from healing and moving forward." – Alex Elle
Words: "Hurt," "Healing," "Forward"
The other day, I thought about some recent hurts that occurred in my life, and how, if I hadn't gone through those things, I'd be a completely different person in a completely different place right now.
Truly, I am only the writer I am today because of a deep hurt that happened to me a little over a year ago; it pained me so much that it caused me to have to look for other things to focus on instead of aching day after day over the situation. I chose my writing as that outlet. And since then, God has been faithful in showing me that, as long as I continue to focus on Him despite the hurts that happen in my life, so much good can come out of it.
Now, do I wish more hurting situations upon myself? Well, my initial answer would be "no." It's never fun to be hurt. I remember the days when I was still wallowing in my pain, unable to think about anything or anyone else. I knew it wasn't healthy for me; I asked God to take away the pain, but also told Him that if He needed to teach me something through this, that I longed to learn from Him. Looking back a year later at how I was feeling then, and where I am now, it all makes sense.
In Alex Elle's email, she states that "The hard part was choosing to heal. The tricky part was facing my hurt and intentionally deciding that it would not win." And I completely agree with that. It's too easy to feel sorry for yourself, especially if a wrong was done to you. You feel like you have permission to then be sad and mad as much as for as long as you want. Now, it's okay to feel sad and mad at a situation; however, it isn't okay to stay there.
There has to be a conscious decision of hurt to heal to grow. Acknowledge that, yes, I was hurt. But I am going to allow myself to heal from this hurt, and through the healing, I will grow and learn about myself more than I could have had the hurt not occurred.
Some questions Elle asked in the email were…
How will you grow?
I think for right now, I'm growing when it comes to my time and my writing. Although there are consistent factors to my schedule, there's always something new being added during the day – a hangout with a friend, a recording session, a phone call, a grocery run. So, I'm still trying to learn how to manage the time I do have within my day.
For writing, I think I'm always trying new things. I did like a month or month-and-a-half of fiction writing after not touching that genre in years just so I could step away from my spoken word for a bit. And as I continue to write more-so in spoken word, I'm learning my own groove and pace in the written and spoken aspects of my writing.
Of course, there are other things I'm growing in, such as cooking actual meals from scratch instead of using a box or can (not that there's anything wrong with that, I just felt like now was the time to break out of my shell) and taking care of my body physically by going to the gym and watching what I eat and how much water I drink. And spiritually, I'm constantly learning; I'm in need of so much grace, and God has been so gracious to me as I fumble through this life. I'm humbled that He's still willing to teach me.
What are your steps to healing?
I don't think I've ever thought about the steps of healing, even though I know it's a process.
My initial reaction to healing is seeing what the Word says about it, even if there is no direct answer to the situation I'm healing from, there is always some sort of comfort or encouragement in the Bible somewhere. From there, I think on what exactly I need to do to make the appropriate steps in my healing process – it could mean reaching out to people I trust and asking them for help, or it could mean spending more time alone to process things. It could be taking a break from things I'm used to doing, and delving into new activities.
So, in that way, I know there are steps that need to be taken, but I feel like those steps change depending on the circumstances.
As Elle said, healing is hard; I know I would rather complain about my situation than choose to grow from it. And even after choosing to heal and grow from a hurt, the process isn't easy, and it isn't short. But I definitely believe it is worth it.
Turning to God, and asking Him to heal me, I didn't know what I was getting myself into – weeks that turned into months of constantly questioning the place I was in, only to come back to the conclusion that I didn't have to know the answer but simply trust that He knew what He was doing. I didn't think my pain would turn me into this – a writer, a spoken-word artist, a creator/leader of a writing community.
It's humbling, and I'm extremely grateful