I interrupt my blog series to give you an important message…
I’m struggling here, guys.
Starting this new series, I knew it would be a challenge. I mentioned this in the introduction to the Postcard Prose series, I think, but writing fiction is a little difficult for me since I’ve become so comfortable writing nonfiction for the past several months. These past couple of blog posts have been the first fiction writing I’ve done probably in years, and I am so uncomfortable.
I feel like I shouldn’t be here, like I shouldn’t be writing what I’m writing. Not in a bad way, necessarily, just in a very weird way. I can’t tell if I’m being authentic, or just writing to put content out there. Or maybe I’m just getting discouraged because writing all this fiction isn’t coming easy to me like it used to.
My perfectionism is also creeping back up, like it always does when I write. Only this time, I feel like it’s worse.
As I write these fiction posts, I feel like I’m back in my Intro to Creative Writing classes I took in college, struggling to really grasp the concept of concrete details. Like, how much detail is too much again?? Truly, people don’t care about the color of the carpet my character is standing on…or do they? I feel like these posts are becoming longer than I thought they would because I’m inserting all this detail, which I know is necessary for the reader to really envision what I’m writing…but gosh. It’s causing me to overthink what I write and rewrite the original story I had in mind because I’m not sure if it’s good enough or believable or [insert whatever adjective] for the reader.
See, I was writing a Postcard Prose piece for tonight, but after several hours of having the draft open and adding, deleting, writing, rewriting, scrapping, taking a Netflix break, then beginning again, I just didn’t feel like I could really write something that would make me satisfied as a writer to post to all of you.
Instead of posting tonight, I tweeted this: “Yo…blogging is hard.” and was just going to leave it at that.
Because blogging really is hard. If you think I make this look easy, it isn’t. It never is.
I’ve written this before, but I really feel terrible if I post something that I don’t feel genuine about. That may seem too sentimental to some of you readers, who think that I just need to keep posting every day to keep getting the views, getting the likes and the follows, but posting just to post has never sat right with me. How are people supposed to be into my work if I’m not into it from the beginning? Doesn’t make sense to me.
Which leads me back to what my friend on Twitter said to me about how people who truly support me will be patient for what I write instead of pressuring me into writing or releasing whatever I can.
At this point, I’m just opening up my writer’s thought process to you all, hoping you’re hanging on tight, and still reading this post. If you are, thank you for sticking with me. If you’ve stopped, well, it’s okay, my mind works itself through a lot of crazy thoughts, so I don’t blame you! 😂
My friend Taylor Young is currently writing a novel, and she’s talked to me about how she needs to just keep writing, and not worry about all the mistakes she’s making as she’s writing. And in some way, I feel like I need to take this advice too; I’m too nervous about the details, the plot, the characters, when I really just need to get the story out first and then insert those concrete details later.
So yes…this may not be a Postcard Prose post, but all of this – getting these thoughts off my chest and out in the open – this feels good to me.
And it makes me feel better about diving back into the uncomfortable fiction writing tomorrow. Because I’m not giving it up. I just needed to re-assess it all.
Thanks for reading, luvvies. 💙
💙 Mishy 🦋