Yo…This is Hard.

“Yo, weekly vlogging is hard. #realtalk #TheCave”

I tweeted this about an hour ago because honestly, with everything I’ve got going on, I’ve been feeling a little overwhelmed with all of the projects and prospects and opportunities. I’ve suddenly gone from, “I don’t have as many chances to do what I want to do creatively,” to “I’ve go so much going on creatively that I feel like I don’t have time for any of it.”

Sacrifices have had to be made, especially in the past couple of weeks, and with my daytime work schedule changing yet again, it’s become more of a challenge to do the creative things I want to do, and still have a social life.

Mishy, just say, “No.” you may be saying…

Well, clearly, I have a problem with that since I wore myself out a couple of weeks ago, so much so that I drove myself physically sick, and had to chill out all weekend, and really say no to plans I had previously made.

All this to say…

I wrote the tweet above because I’ve been feeling particularly overwhelmed with my vlogging phase of creativity. Some of you may know that I started a YouTube channel about a month or two ago called “The Cave,” and I’d started with a couple of travel vlogs, a concert review, some talks, and question games.

But then I started a new idea thanks to the help of my friend Jessica, and began filming last week to try to get the hang of it. I feel like I did pretty good, except I wasn’t able to edit any of the footage because last week was one of the busiest weeks of my life due to family and friends coming into town for my sister’s college graduation. Not to mention, I’m so caught up the events going on in my life that I never think to take videos of anything.

So, I’m feeling a little behind in that aspect. Plus, there are things I need in order to make my vlogging better, but I don’t think I can afford them all right now.

My main thing though is the fact that I’m just not comfortable vlogging my every day life. It’s one thing to sit down at a computer, and type out my life to everyone, but it’s something totally different to talk to a camera as if I were talking to someone, and go throughout my day.

But Mishy…that’s like Snapchat. And you Snapchat A LOT. you’re probably saying.

Yeah, okay, but making a Snapstory and vlogging feel like totally different things for some reason. With Snapchat, I can just capture a moment, and it doesn’t really need to make sense to anyone, it’s just a moment in my life that I decided to share. With vlogging, I feel like I always have to explain things – what day it is, where I’m going, what I’m doing, who I’m meeting up with, etc. And I also feel like I need to whip out my camera every single time I’m doing A N Y T H I N G.

And that just doesn’t feel right to me.

I followed the tweet above with the following Twitter rant…

“Like I feel like every time I do something I need to whip out my camera and start taking videos. But…”

“I don’t want my life to be lived through a screen. I want to be able to enjoy moments in my life w/o having to think, ‘I need to vlog this’.”

“But maybe there’s a better way to do it, & I’m just not doing it. But imma just be real & say that I’ve been struggling with it. #realtalk”

No lie, this is really how I’ve been feeling about vlogging lately. A huge part of me wants to give up on it because it’s just been a challenge, but I’m also thinking that maybe it seems difficult just because this week has been really hard for me. Like, I started this week by being late to work. A stereotypical “Happy Monday” for the books. And the vlog.

And another part of me wants to give up because I feel like when it comes time to sit down to edit two weeks of footage, none of it is going to be good. I feel like it’s just going to be boring clips of me explaining what I’m doing during the day, but never actually showing it through the videos.

But I also don’t want to give up just because it’s hard right now. In my last tweet, there’s a little bit of hope, a little bit of wonder in how I’m approaching things. And I truly don’t want to throw in the towel just yet.

I guess you could say I’m in the re-evaluating process. And it’s good to re-evaluate the things you’re doing every once in a while. It’s okay to admit weakness; to admit the flaws in your system, your thinking, or even yourself so that you can start learning, growing, and finding ways to make things better than they are.

All a process of learning.

So, onward with vlogging this week I go!

And onward with blogging I go. I’ve successfully blogged two days in a row this week. Let’s see if I can blog the entire week straight!

#TruthPrevails #JustStartWriting #MishyWrites

💙 Mishy 🦋

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