a writer’s fears / thoughts / prayers.

Lately, I’ve been having this fear in the back of my mind that I’ll run out of stuff to write about.

You may be thinking, “That’s impossible! If you’re living life, there’s no way you can run out of stuff to write.”

True, but I guess along with this fear of mine is another fear that I’ll lose inspiration and insight to the world around me. That I won’t be able to write as eloquently about the things going on, the people I meet, the emotions I feel, or anything that the Lord has placed on my heart to say.

I can’t see what’s in front of me.
Still I will trust You.
Still I will trust You.

Currently, I’m praying for guidance and peace. For God to just steady me as I work on the details of the plans I want to go through with. Lately, when I sit down to write sometimes, or even during the day when I think about having to write later, I grow sick because I’m scared that I’ve lost it. I’m afraid that the words I’m typing or writing just don’t make sense, don’t mean anything, don’t matter to anyone.

I’m trying to go back to the days when I wrote simply for myself. I guess I always knew I had an audience, but that never really mattered to me until now. Now that I’m more concerned about who’s reading, it’s hard for me to write.

No, I can’t see what’s in front of me.
Still I will trust You.
Still I will trust You.

Even as I write this now, I’m not sure if there’s anyone who can connect with me on this. Have you ever been afraid to do what you love because you weren’t sure how it would be received? All I want to do is write what I feel, write the Truth in comparison to it all, and have someone connect with it, some way, somehow.

Steady heart that keeps on going , steady Love that keeps on hoping,
Lead me on.
Steady Grace that keeps forgiving, steady faith that keeps believing,
Lead me on.

Despite all the thinking and planning I’ve been doing, I find it hard to pray. I do anyway because I know that without prayer, without consulting my Heavenly Father about my plans and thoughts, they are meaningless. They aren’t even worth pursuing if I haven’t considered the most important factor in all of this. And as I pray, I am so fearful; I feel like my faith is wavering. I knew this wasn’t going to be easy, but because I’m still human, I had hoped that maybe God would just make this a little easier for me.

But following Him isn’t easy. He never promised it would be.

Though the sky is dark, and the wind is wild,
You’ll never leave me.
You’ll never leave me.

And even though initially I felt that as I wrote this, it didn’t even make sense to me, God is gracious enough to allow it now to make a little sense. I need to write this; I needed to feel this. I needed to feel needy; I needed to need Him.

Though the night is long, there is a coming dawn,
The Light is breaking.
The Light is breaking.

Even in the moments when I feel like I’m out of control, like I can’t do this writing thing anymore, like I’m all out of emotions, words, inspiration, God somehow always comes through for me. It may not be in the way I expect it, or even want it.

Steady heart that keeps on going, steady Love that keeps on hoping,
Lead me on.
Steady Grace that keeps forgiving, steady faith that keeps believing,
Lead me on.

But I know that I just need to trust Him.

I need follow Him.

Allow Him to lead my heart, mind, soul;

Allow Him to guide my hand, pen, fingers, words.

And as the dawn breaks,
And the clouds clear,
In an open space,
Together we will run.

*text in bold and italics are from the song “Steady Heart (feat. Amanda Cook)” by Steffany Gretzinger

#JustStartWriting

πŸ’™ Mishy πŸ¦‹

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