I write this in the midst of a room in absolute chaos.
Okay, but when is my room not chaotic though?
To those who follow me on Twitter, I just tweeted about finishing One Tree Hill. Completely. Entirely. No more episodes. No more seasons. I am done.
I told myself back in the middle of July that, once I finished the entire series, I’d blog a TV review about it. But standing here in my room, watching it as I folded clothes, it really got me thinking and realizing just how pivotal this moment was for me.
“It’s the oldest story in the world. One day you’re seventeen, and you’re planning for someday. And then quietly, without you ever really noticing, someday is today. And then someday is yesterday. And this is your life.” – Nathan Scott
So, this was the very first quote in the last episode, and after I heard it, I immediately knew I wanted to blog about this episode within the context of where I am right now.
You see, I wasn’t just folding clothes as I watched this…
I was packing them. And not just packing my clothes, but most of my room.
Maybe most of you don’t know this, but this week, I’ll be moving off of Tybee Island back to Chattanooga. My internship ends this Tuesday, and with the trip up to see my grandparents for Thanksgiving, I’ll also be moving myself and all of my belongings out of Savannah as well. It’s time for a new adventure.
The entire time leading up to this moment, I honestly ached to be out of Savannah. Not so much Tybee though, because I’ve always wanted to live on an island like this. And for six months, that dream of “someday, I’ll live on an island, and ride my bike around, and go to all the local places just like Grace in the book Grace Happens” came true.
And for the last few months while I was on Tybee, if I’m honest with myself, and with all of you, I was planning what my next move would be. I thought and prayed and dreamed about what life would be like after my three-month internship was over, even though during that time, it was just beginning. What would I do? Where would I be? Who would I be?
I thought back to when I was seventeen, and what I was planning then. I was a senior in high school, planning to go off to college. Now, I’m out of college, and my life has just begun, and it has in no way been what I would have thought it would be. But I don’t say that in a bad way.
Okay, sure I’m a little disappointed that I don’t have a puppy just yet, but I’m working on it! 🙂
I know that now, I am like my seventeen-year-old self again, planning for a new chapter. Only this time, I’m twenty-one, and I’m continuing my life with a new chapter in a different and familiar place.
After the summer ended, I’d been waiting and wanting this “someday” of mine – moving out of Savannah – to get here. I didn’t have really any close friends here after Bria moved to California, and I craved having people around me who were my age, and experiencing the same things as me. Because I lacked this, I longed for when I could reunite with my friends, or make new ones.
And here the time has practically come. In a few short days, I will be in a place where many of my close friends reside, obtaining that “someday.” And then that “someday” will be yesterday. And my life will just go on, with me having another “someday” in the back of my mind.
“Human beings are ambitious. We spend so much time wanting, pursuing, wishing. For the most part, that’s okay. Ambition is good. Chasing things with integrity is good. Dreaming. As long as the chase doesn’t diminish what we already have. The goodness we take for granted, the people we take for granted. The lives we take for granted. My life is good.” – Haley James Scott
I look back on all the times I had – renting out bikes, fixing them in the blazing heat, taking pictures out on the beach, riding my bike around, going to Tybean every week (sometimes more than once lol) – and I can say without a doubt that I loved it ALL. I wouldn’t trade the experiences, hardships, questions, confusions, ANY of it for anything.
Even though most afternoons/nights during these past six months have been spent in my room alone, it gave me time and space to think and ponder who I really am, what I really want, and what I really should be focusing on.
And okay, some of that time was also spent watching Netflix, I admit it (hence the finishing of One Tree Hill). But some of that time was also creating and crafting #JustStartWriting. Initially, this challenge would blossom into an amazing idea that the Lord had blessed me with, and it still continues to grow into more than what I had anticipated.
Some days were harder than others, of course. I battled with worry, anxiety, fear. I lied awake at night, wondering where I would be once a certain season ended, and a new season began. Again, I dreamed of what my life would be like outside of the context I was in.
I’m not going to sit here and say that I didn’t take things for granted sometimes while I was here on Tybee/in Savannah because that would be a lie. With many afternoons/nights spent in my room, that meant I wasn’t spending time with my family. And as the time has come nearer to my departure, I’ve realized just how much I will be missing them and this place. I used to think I would leave and miss Tybee because it was and will always be home, but I would still have this “never look back attitude,” and I’d forge ahead bravely without any major missing.
“If you had a friend you knew you’d never see again, what would you say? If you could do one last thing for someone you love, what would it be? Say it, do it, don’t wait. Nothing lasts forever.” – Brooke Davis
But after this weekend’s events – going to Tybean and Home Depot with Pa, just to be with him and spend time with him; watching a couple more episodes of Bones with Mom; driving to Jacksonville, and enjoying a five-band concert with Addie (and walking around and getting lost in Jacksonville, trying to find a McDonald’s. Good times); and creating a “memory” game, and playing it with Annabelle, and being able to give her small gifts like mini coloring books because I know she loves that kind of stuff – I feel the ache of missing home before I’ve even left it. Packing my stuff up, watching the last episode of One Tree Hill, and writing this blog kind of makes it worse. And I regret those times that I’ve taken these important people in my life, and this place, for granted.
Because Annabelle won’t always be ten-years-old and in the fifth grade, playing basketball, drawing, watching My Little Pony, blocking the front door before I go to work, and forcing me to give her the password so I can leave on time (psst…it’s “MLP”…for “My Little Pony” 😀 ).
Mom won’t always be around to watch Bones, and drink wine with me.
Pa won’t always be around to take me on random trips to run errands for shoes or items to build his Cobra. And he won’t always be around to buy me coffee (darn it, haha).
Addie won’t always be there to ride with me a couple of hours to Jacksonville, or six hours back to Chattanooga, enduring my frustration and freak-outs, and blasting late 90s/early 2000s jams (although I will have friends when I do move, these specific events are things I will hold dear).
“Nothing lasts forever.”
But I still have a couple of days left here, and in the midst of me still packing, and having to still work on some last-minute things for my internship, I hope I can still capture the life I have been living here for the past six months for the last couple of times before it all changes in a new job or jobs, a new schedule, a new place to live, etc.
Because my life here on Tybee? In Savannah? It was good. So so good.
“It’s a magical place, son. I’ve seen that magic in your eyes for the past nine years. There’s only one Tree Hill, Jamie Scott. And it’s your home.” – Haley James Scott
I think what inspired me to write this post was the fact that I started watching One Tree Hill in the midst of a transitional point in my life as the summer was coming to a close. I wasn’t sure what I was going to do next, or where I was going to be. I prayed and asked the Lord to guide me, and He provided in a way that I wasn’t expecting, and honestly wasn’t extremely thrilled about. But even still, He provided, and I’ve grown so much in the past few months just learning how to be patient, and to surrender the fact that I don’t have anything under control, but the Lord does, and I should throw all my weight in that.
And now, as I closed the final chapter of One Tree Hill tonight, I’ll be closing a chapter of my own life, and starting a new one. Talk about symbolism.
Through all of this though, there is one thing I want to always remember, and always hold close. I kind of said this before when I talked about taking things for granted…
Tybee Island and Savannah will always be my home. There are no other places like them. I have lived in this area for most of my life, and there are so many memories held within so many places here. It’s not exactly Tree Hill, but it has its unique places, and its equally unique people. Living on Tybee has definitely opened up more wonder within my life. There have been times when I’d look at simple things – things I would have just passed by when I was in high school or college – and now I stare at them in awe, gazing at the beauty or magnificence of them.
So, as I continue to prepare to leave my home behind once more, I look back on the lessons I learned, the things I achieved, the experiences I had. And I praise God for orchestrating it all.
I also look ahead, and anticipate the new lessons, the new achievements, and the new experiences that will be ahead of me as I journey onward to another place I like to call home, while remembering my true home.
And, even though I wont’ know what will happen during this next chapter of life, I’ll praise God for orchestrating all of that too.