There are so many things I could write about, and so many drafts on my desktop here, I feel slightly overwhelmed. And I’ve also got a lot to do; it’s insane how it’s already Wednesday.
This past weekend, I was talking to my friend Pierce on the phone, and he was telling me about how he’d spent time with his family, and how he was realizing more that family comes first.
And when you hear that, you probably think, “Duh, family comes first. They’re the ones who raised you, feed you when you’re hungry, take you in after you’ve graduated college to help you figure out what in the world you’re doing with your life.”
I agreed with Pierce, telling him how me being home for the past six months has taught me the same thing. Have I done well in this area? Probably not as well as I should have. But I’m still learning.
About a year ago, I wrote a post called “Distant.” It was about how I’ve always just been distant from my family, even back when I was in high school, because I just always liked having my own space; I’ve always been comfortable doing my own thing. I’d sit in my room for hours in high school, writing, reading, listening to music. You should just read the”Distant” post, because it’ll explain everything.
Well, after hearing Pierce declare, “Family comes first,” I had to re-evaluate myself in my current state. How had I done these past six months with my family? Especially with that post I’d written almost a year ago about wanting to be closer to them, and be better at spending time with them? Had I been that little hermit I’d always been?
Honestly? Yeah, I pretty much have been, and I feel so guilty.
If you have me on Snapchat, you may think, “But Mishy, you spent so much time with your mom this summer working from home? And your family did that fun thing at the park together? And you go to your little sister’s volleyball games?”
Yeah, but that’s literally not even half of the time. I’ve always known that social media doesn’t accurately portray peoples lives to a T, but dang, I’ve never been more convinced until I realized how people were portraying my life from social media versus what was actually going on. If you think my family life is peachy-keen because of my Snapchats, you’re wrong.
And it’s not that my family situation is bad. Oh no, it definitely is not; we all get along. We kid around with each other. We watch shows together, and we eat dinner together every night.
My family is amazing. We’re a great big bowl of trail mix (or maybe Chex Mix?). We each have something special to bring to the table.
But I’m still seeing how much I miss out on because I’m always stuck in my room.
I don’t do this out of spite; I do it because I just need some space to work – to write, to read, to do the things I want to do before I have to go to bed, and encounter the next day at work. My space is comfy, it’s familiar. I feel like I’m out of the way when I’m in my space.
Recently, some opportunities have come up that could potentially move me out of my parents’ house soon. And, I say this to anyone I encounter – “Savannah will always be home. I love my family, buuuut I just really miss my friends, and being in a community that has people my age.”
It’s a true statement. But I’m realizing just how much I’m missing here, right in front of me, as I have all of these hopeful thoughts of possibly moving back near my other sister and my friends.
I have a sister here. My parents are here. How am I going to take advantage of the time I have with them right now, as my internship winds down, and I may potentially be living elsewhere?
It’s too easy to look ahead, and miss out on moments with the people you have around you. And seeing that the people surrounding me are my family who should come first (after the Lord, that is), I see that I have some work ahead of me. I kind of feel slightly discouraged because I see the time I have, and I feel like it’s not much.
But it’s never too late. And I’d rather spend this next short time I have left with my family than waste it away just because I thought it wouldn’t make a difference.
Just trying to realign my focus to what really matters, and take it a day at a time. To those who have said things that have recently convicted me of what I need to work on, thank you. It means a lot that you speak what is on your heart, and what the Lord is teaching you.