Hope your New Year has been awesome so far! Already 3 days into it, and I don’t know about you, but I’ve been feeling really productive (yes, I am on break, and yes, I watch Netflix a lot, but despite that, I’d have to say I’ve gotten a lot done in the past couple of weeks!).
In my last post, I asked y’all what you’re New Year’s resolutions were for 2015 and I told you I’d tell you about my ultimate New Year’s resolution. To begin…
LET’S GO BACK…
We’re gonna do a little time-travelling here, back to Christmas day – because that’s when a switch in me flipped.
Despite all the gift-opening and online shopping, I still had a lot on my mind. My final grades (which I couldn’t see because of a hold on my account, which was another worry in itself that could only go away the Monday after Christmas), renewing my driver’s license and trying to find documents for it, my intercultural experience for school, off-campus housing. JUST WAY. TOO. MUCH.
So, needless to say, I was stressed out. And on Christmas of all days! I expressed this to my parents, and they asked me some questions about a few of the things I had to get done. After some conversation, I just flat out said, “I’m stressed and scared for the future.” Or maybe I thought it. Anyway, I began to think about MORE things, like internships and writing jobs, and all of this F E A R rose up in me, and I could feel it taunting me with thoughts like, “Oh, you’re not good enough” and “You don’t have any experience in the writing field, so what makes you think that ANYONE would want to hire you?”
Pa (my stepdad) patted me on the back and said, “Don’t stress on Christmas. There are plenty of other days to do that.”
And after he said that, it just made me think of all the times I’ve stressed myself out and worried…which was, like, almost all of my life (maybe kind of an exaggeration, but I will admit, I’ve been a worrier since I was young).
And, in what seemed like a minute or two, I thought about all of the times I’d been scared…which were about the same amount of times as when I’d been worried. And I began to notice how much fear consumed my life and stopped me from trying things that I’ve always wanted to try. I kept myself in this “safe zone,” but I was sick of it now. I was sick of being afraid of sticking close to the familiar things.
And in that moment, I made a conscious decision that I would stop worrying and stop being afraid. All fear and worry ever did for me was STALL ME anyway.
I suddenly felt this burst of courage and fearlessness, like I could conquer anything, become anyone, do whatever my heart desired.
Later, as I thought about it more, I prayed and thanked God for that wonderful moment. Because only something like that could come from the Holy Spirit. Such courage. Such peace. Because me, Mishea’la, is fearful and worried. And these thoughts of bravery and of feeling kinda invincible couldn’t have possibly been me.
And with this God-given courage, I began to think about that list of things I had to accomplish more as opportunities and tasks and adventures toward my goals – not worries. I began planning and organizing and making to-do lists instead of standing still in terror and ignoring the fact that things needed to be done. All of these ideas came to me, and it no longer scared me to be thinking about these things.
And here I am.
2 CORINTHIANS 4:7
Taylor, my roommate, gave me this journal that a friend of hers painted for me for my 20th birthday last month. It had the verse above painted on the front, which states, “But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us.” This verse brings back so much for me, such as thoughts I had during my freshman year about how all the wonderful, amazing, and powerful things within me are of God, and not of myself. All of that powerful courage and resoluteness to be unafraid is God working in me, so that my mission is not based around my worth in this world, but is based on glorifying God and expressing who He is through what I say and do.
With all this in mind, I know that this courage I had on Christmas day (and still have now) won’t always be here and that my fear and worry will try to creep back into my mindset. I also know that just because I’ve obtained this bravery, it doesn’t mean things will go smoothly or go my way. Things are going to be hard. I’ll have my good days and my really crappy days.
But holding on to the fact that God is with me, and that in Him I can fasten my life and depend on Him for what will happen in my life, I will be B R A V E as much as I can be. When I feel insignificant, I will cling to the Cross.
So, it starts NOW. I’ve been sitting on the sidelines my whole life, waiting for things to fall in my lap, and that is definitely not how life works.
It’s time to DO THINGS.
It’s time to MOVE AWAY FROM THE SAFE ZONE and BE ADVENTUROUS.
How About YOU?
What have you always been afraid of? What has been holding you back from doing the things you want to do? I’ve seen a lot on Twitter and Instagram about 2015 being “a year without fear” and I can totally relate to that. Will you allow God to take away the fear and worry that’s been consuming your life and lead you into a secure hope in Him? I pray and hope that your fears and worries will not hold you back from accomplishing the things you want to accomplish in 2015 and beyond.
Get out and be F E A R L E S S.
C O U R A G E O U S.
B R A V E.
LOVE YA! Mishy ❤