Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen

Do y’all remember that movie with Lindsay Lohan, Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen? I have never watched it, but I have watched the “Drama Queen (That Girl)” music video that played on Disney Channel before! 

Anyways, I don’t know about you guys, but when I get stressed out, I get STRESSED OUT.

Seriously, I wasn’t really aware of how negative, frustrated, and honestly annoying I become when I get stressed out until recently. I can only shake my head in shame, embarrassed that my friends and family have had to deal with my unacceptable attitude for so long. And I am so sorry for all of the times I’ve been like that (and there are many times, especially during the school year, because college is sometimes just flat out stressful, ya know?).

When Bria moved in about a week ago, she gave me a dark blue focus stone that had the word PEACE written on it. She explained to me that she gave me this stone because she knew that when I get stressed out, I tended to freak out and have unrealistic thoughts about how impossible life was and such.

I’ll be honest – when she told me that, I was grateful for the stone and I knew that what she said was the truth (because Bria does nothing but tell it like it is, just like Caylin), but my pride got in the way of truly seeing the monster I was capable of becoming.

I thought to myself: Freak out? I mean, sure, I did that my first semester sophomore year, but I’ve gotten better since then. My life isn’t easy, but I think I handle stress all right.

Haha, those of you who know me personally and read that above sentence probably laughed and thought of a recent instance when I freaked out and you had to calm me down or got annoyed with me for being so dramatic. But that was my pride overtaking my mind, thinking that I had my emotions and such all together, when really, I’m still a mess.

Last night, I was talking to Bria and Taylor about a frustrating situation I was going to have to deal with in the upcoming weeks. With school starting tomorrow, plus work study, and everything else involved in that, I was stressed out that this certain situation was even happening to me. The frustration rose within me, and I thought of all the horrible things that would encompass this bump in the road on my journey this school year.

And as I spoke to them, I could see this look on their faces – it was the same look that kinda looked like fear. Now, I knew they weren’t afraid of me…I wasn’t going to start throwing stuff or anything. But they knew that when I got frustrated and stressed out, I just wasn’t myself. I would trade my positive lens that I had for the world for a negative one, and only see the negative things that occurred in my life. And my friends were fearful of me doing that (at least, that’s the vibe I got).

So, Bria, Taylor, and I prayed together last night – about this school year, the new students, the returning students, our hall, Caylin, and our own personal requests. As Taylor lifted up my stressful situation, I realized how big of a deal I was making it when really, it was just a small “detour” I had to take in the road of life. Of course, it was kind of inconvenient and a tad bit frustrating, but it wasn’t destroying my world.

And here I am, sitting here writing this post and thinking about how I reacted last night and completely embarrassed that I even have the reputation to freak out over such small things. What an awakening to me. My friends have mentioned my freak outs to me before, but I would just brush it off, thinking they were blowing things out of proportion or just joking around with me to try to get a rise out of me.

But now, I see it as a major problem. I claim to have faith in Jesus Christ, who overcame death and saved me from my sins, and yet, when I go through hard times, I throw a fit and look at nothing but negativity. I’ve been given so much but am totally blind to it when something tough comes my way. And I am nothing but ashamed and repentant of my actions and attitudes to lean more toward panic than trust.

So along with my “learning to love people the way Christ loves me” goal this year, I am going to be praying that the Lord gives me the wisdom to depend on Him when things don’t go the way I plan them to. This is going to be really difficult for me, I already know. But if I can live out 1 Peter 5:7 (“Cast all your anxiety on Him because He cares for you.”) in my daily life, going through the hard process of learning will totally be worth it. I know that because I’m human, I’m going to slip up and get stressed out to the point of freaking out again at some point. But I want to grow in trusting my Savior with EVERYTHING.

In conclusion, I’m going to tell you of two songs I listen to when I get stressed out. They remind me of who God is and how much I can trust Him. They’re “Well, All Right” and “I Am” by CeCe Winans. I’ve probably already mentioned these songs before, but just to recap: They are really old songs (I can remember listening to them when I was in like kindergarten), but now that I am older, I can understand the meaning of them and apply them to my life. And it is so beautiful to be reminded that God is “I Am” and He is “all that I need.”

And so, I will begin my junior year tomorrow with the first day of classes, clinging to the hope that I have in Christ and fully letting go of whatever is bothering me, worrying me, or stressing me out. And also realizing that I cannot do this alone, but am in full need of the Holy Spirit to do this through me.

Love you guys! Hope to continue blogging during the school year, but there’s no guarantee since college is always so busy! But please, feel free to meet me here and email me {use the Contact Me! forum on the right side of this page. It’s near the top!} and ask how I’m doing! I should have time to write out a reply for ya! 🙂

luv ya!
~ Mishy (^^) ❤

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