“no. 111517”

My feet shift under the quicksands of those too quick to commit,
And those too hesitant to even try.
I’ve fallen on my face one too many times and
I’m over it.
Yes, lessons were learned –
People came and went, some came back unexpectedly,
And yes,
I’m thankful for that.
How many times though do I need to find myself on my knees,
Asking God to please just have His way,
Knowing good and well that He’s going to, whether I like it or not?

The last time I adamantly prayed that prayer, you left.

And even though I convinced myself that I’d be okay,
That I’d be strong through it, and accept it for what it was,
I was weaker than I realized.

I crumbled.

And it took so long to rebuild myself again.
To allow the Lord to break me down just to show me what He could create in me,
Using me to mold something new.

Revealing someone I didn’t know lived inside of me.

And now that I it in this new skin,
This new form,
I can’t help but wonder sometimes who in the world could look at a creature like me and
Not be intimidated.
Who would dare take the risk of coming close to someone like me: someone so
Bold and beautiful,
Shining bright, laughing loud, speaking so much truth,
Who in their right minds would stand by my side,
Take my hand and
Love me?

Admittedly, there are days that the thought seems completely impossible.
But I know I have the comfort of my God,
Who knows my heart –
What it yearns for, what it needs –
He hears my questions,
My fears, my wonders,
He sees my fears,
And even though no one’s decided to
Step up and
Stand by me,
My God has always stood by me to gently tell me that
It is well. All is well with Him.
That He is capable of touching me deeper than anyone in this world ever could.
And even though my soul my waver between
It is well and
It is hard,
It is hurtful,
It is lonely…

I will wait.

#MishyWrites 🦋✨

pretty luvvy.

I looked at myself in the mirror today and
Realized that I haven’t seen myself as

Disgusting,
Ugly,
Worthless…

For quite some time.

I realized how it’s been a minute since I believed my
Brown skin was
Inferior to
White.
How I used to think my value lied in what I looked like compared to everyone else,
Rather than the fact that I am a

Beautiful creation,
Crafted by a wonderful Creator,
Destined to walk through those days of shame and hurt;
Days filled with questions like:

“When will they ever see me as enough?”
“When will I ever reach my full physical potential?”
“Maybe I’ll just glo up when I get older…?”

All those days lived through for me to
Learn to love myself,
To be in awe of my allure.

How freeing it is to know my beauty doesn’t rest in
The thoughts of boys and men.
How amazing it is to look at my face –
To admire my eyes, nose, lips, and mouth –
And not wish they weren’t mine.
To see myself in a glass over and over again and think,

“Wow…I am stunning.
I am gorgeous, flawless, graceful.
I am pretty.
I am worthy.”

These types of moments make up for all those days
Wishing I was someone
Other than myself.

Longing to look like someone else.

#MishyWrites 🦋✨

take your time

I am in no way, shape, or form, perfect.

And even though I know this fact, I had never felt it so much until yesterday when I felt like so much of my life was completely out of my control. I felt like the weights of different things in my life that I’d been carrying had finally all come crashing down on me, and I felt powerless to do anything. I felt stupid for making decisions that brought me to this point, and I wondered why in the world things started to crumble right when I felt like things started to actually work out for the better.

A call from my dad reminded me of my imperfections, and how in these times, I am to lean on Christ even more so. Again, I knew this; the answer seemed so simple, yet while I was standing there, emotions running high, thoughts wildly going back and forth in my mind, it was hard to see which path was the correct one.

And I am sitting here writing this to say that it’s okay to lose it a little. If we never lost it, we would never realize just how much we need the stability of Jesus to remind us that He’s got us; that He has everything we need, and all we need to do is go to Him.

Honestly, I am also sitting here and thinking of all the things I could freak out about: today is November first and, hello, the #JustStartWriting website hasn’t been updated yet. Things did / didn’t happen this week that I weren’t expecting. I’ve got ideas I want to set in motion, but I haven’t even found set times to really execute them. I honestly expected to have my life all together after my week of no social media, but this week is proving that that isn’t so.

And you know what? IT’S OKAY.

This doesn’t mean I should brush off any responsibilities I may have (the #JustStartWriting website should update by tomorrow!), but it does mean that I don’t have to be so harsh with myself if I can’t get everything done when I want it done. I am only human. God is teaching me right now to just breathe, to take my time during the process of things, to be okay when things don’t get done when I expected them to be. And to also go to Him, and ask for help in accomplishing the things I would like to get done. It doesn’t mean they’ll get done quicker; shoot, they may actually take longer than I really wanted. But God’s timing is always perfect, and this is a fact I know, but only now am I truly understanding.

I am really just striving to still be faithful with every day the Lord’s blessed me with. We are never guaranteed another twenty-four hours of life, so whatever we are given, we must make it count, not to bring glory to ourselves, but glory to God.

So, rest in the arms of the Lord. Handle your business, but don’t be upset if it all doesn’t get done in the time you wanted it to be done.

Take your time today, luvvies.

#MishyWrites 🦋✨

Looking Up.

Hello, luvvies! 💙

I took a break from social media for a week (okay, 5.5 days. I started to cave in a little as the days went on. Not so much scrolling through as searching for specific people/things. I may have just confessed to social media stalking. Whatever, we all do it, right? ANYWAYS…), and at one point during that week, I sat in a Starbucks working on a project, and decided to randomly look around as I was in my thought process.

Something in me told me that I should stop looking around, and look up, and when I did, I realized that I’d never really noticed what the ceiling ever looked like in this particular Starbucks, and I’d been there a couple of times before. There was nothing truly special about the ceiling, at least I think to most people.

But, why don’t we look up? Well, in my case at Starbucks, who needs to look up? All the action is around you, it’s face-to-face. Or, most likely, it’s right in front of you as you look at your laptop or phone screen.

And that made me think of my social media cleanse for the week. I decided to go off of social media because I’d realized just how much of it was for me to please other people with what I posted. I also realized how much time I spent endlessly scrolling through all the different socials, when I could be doing other productive things.

I’m so stuck looking down at my phone so often, I don’t really have the chance to look around me, or even look up.

The architecture of the ceiling at the Starbucks I was at wasn’t exquisite, but it was still pleasant to look at. Someone designed it to be that way; they took the time for it to be structurally sound, and physically appealing, yet, who actually looks up and appreciates it?

My break from social media was a chance for me to look up from all of the distractions, comparisons, competitions I was creating for myself as I watched other’s lives instead of making my own.

Now, don’t get me wrong…social media is great in a lot of ways. I mean, I only took a week off because a lot of what I do (#MotivationalMishyMondays, daily challenges, blogging and #JustStartWriting promo, etc.) requires social media. But I specifically needed to separate myself from it so I could take a look around me and above me; so I could see the unique aspects I have to offer, the fresh ideas that I was capable of creating when I waited on the Lord, sat in my own head, and refused to look at other’s accomplishments and wish they were my own.

My week off of social media captured in one motion of just looking up at Starbucks. Now, I’m back, and, even though I will admit that I have done some endless scrolling, it hasn’t been as bad. I just want to remember (and encourage you to remember) to look up from your phone, your laptop, your work, whatever is distracting you from the world around you, and embrace the people and things you’re surrounded by.

#MishyWrites 🦋✨

a poet’s prayers

One of my favorite poets wrote a long Instagram post, expressing her gratefulness for 90K followers. Within the post, she expressed that she prayed over her words every day, and honestly, that really just convicted me.

I’m not sure who she prays to, but I know Who I pray to – Jesus Christ, God Almighty, the Holy Spirit, the three-in-one Trinity – and I realize that in the midst of me planning all this stuff that will hopefully start happening within the next couple of months, yes, I have prayed, but I have been consistently praying? Because, I don’t want anything that I’m planning to just come from me because I think it sounds good or looks good.

And I know that just because I pray consistently over my words / the words I will eventually write and say, that it everything will come easily to me. But that’s exactly what faith is; relying on God to handle things even when we’re unsure, when we can’t see what the outcome will be.

So, as I do my daily challenges, I will now be challenging myself to continue to pray over my words every single day. Because my words are such a huge part of who I am, and they’re all I ever want my career to be in this lifetime, unless the Lord calls me elsewhere. Just wanted to share this thought with you all.

Speaking of daily challenges, today’s challenge is to get to bed on time (which I haven’t been doing the past couple of nights, and not for good / productive reasons either), and I only have four more hours to put some real work in. And it’s a hair night? I gotta go!

#MishyWrites 🦋✨

To Be Kind.

Today, I officially started “the grind” towards the goals I have with my spoken word / poetry. I’ve had so many ideas floating around in my mind, and I’m finally taking steps towards them coming to fruition, all the while still learning how to take steps in taking care of myself in the process. Nothing is able to be done if I don’t take care of myself, and respect myself in the ways I need to.

Along with this first day of “the grind,” I started with a challenge. And now, I’m determined to have a challenge to accomplish with all the goals I have to accomplish as well.

Today’s challenge: Say something kind to someone you find it hard to be kind to.

I find myself silently, or even verbally judging those with whom I find it hard to click with. Maybe we don’t vibe well, or maybe that person, in my eyes, is too proud or rude, the list goes on. But, a tweet / IG story by Reyna Biddy I think spurred me onto this challenge…

“don’t be too quick to call somebody weird because they’re different from you.”

After reading this, I thought to myself, How many times have I called someone “weird” because they were different than me? What is that person going through? Why am I so adamant about being myself despite other people’s opinions, when that person could be being themselves, and I’m judging them for it?

So, I decided to challenge myself (and anyone else who follows me on social media) to say something kind to someone I didn’t necessarily like, or maybe someone I deemed different than myself. I thought it would be easy, honestly; not that I find it hard to be kind to a lot of people, but I thought that I would have had someone specific in mind.

But truthfully, I’m sitting at Starbucks, and I haven’t accomplished this challenge yet. And it’s dinner time. And I thought I would’ve run into someone that I didn’t necessarily click with, and be able to give them a kind word, but I’ve run into people, and there isn’t necessarily anyone I would say that I find it hard to be kind to.

I mean, maybe; it’s not like I’m looking for people to hate haha! But I think this challenge of kindness has made me think about the genuineness of my kindness.

Because, there’s this little thing called “southern hospitality” – you know, where you’re kind to someone to their face, because it’s the polite thing to do, but later when you’re with your friends or family, you talk about them in a different way than you would have when they were standing in front of you. And while I have been kind to many people today, and they aren’t any people I find it hard to be kind to…was I being sincere?

Did I really care that they lived in a certain area, or that they were working on “x, y, z”? Was I asking the typical “how are you?” questions because I actually cared, or because I just wanted to avoid the awkwardness of talking to someone I hadn’t seen in a long time? Was I so stuck in the “southern hospitality” mindset, or just the being polite in general mindset, that I couldn’t tell if I was being genuinely kind or not?

I would like to think that I was being sincere with my kindness; that I wasn’t just being nice for the minute or two I was talking with someone. But I don’t know…a challenge like that just makes you think about the day-to-day things, people, and situations you encounter.

With that in mind, I do still encourage everyone to be kind, and be sincere about it; don’t just say something to check it off a list, or to accomplish a goal. Truly be kind because you don’t know what people are going through, and a kind, encouraging word can go a long way for someone, whether you like them or not.

#MishyWrites 🦋✨

writer’s thoughts – ad lib

Guyssss, it’s SO HARD to figure out what to write about / it’s hard because I’ll write poems, but I never know if I want to share them with you NOW, or wait until I put them in a book before I share them.

But sometimes the things I write just reflect a feeling I’m currently having, and it just…feels right, you know? It expresses exactly what I’m trying to communicate, and I hope and pray that it can resonate with someone else.

Yet (and I’ve written about this before) it’s hard because I definitely do want to be vulnerable, but how vulnerable is too vulnerable? All of these thoughts are running through my head tonight as I figure out exactly what to blog about.

Because it’s been a minute since I’ve tried to blog every day, and I miss it. I say that every time, and then fail to actually write every day, but I sincerely do miss blogging every day. Maybe it’s because I’m having a harder time figuring out what to write about; maybe I’ve lost the ability to observe, and really be present in my day-to-day so I can actually write about something that I truly have noticed in my life.

Things are a whirlwind, honestly. I lie in my bed at night after every day that goes by, and I think, “Has today already gone by? Am I already in bed again, ready to sleep, praying to be blessed with another day tomorrow?” And I hate wishing away days; too many times I’ll be at work, and think, “I can’t wait until this week is over,” yet someone in the world wasn’t blessed to see the end of the week, or even the end of the day, for that matter.

I don’t know…just a lot going on in my head, and still, I’m unsure of exactly where this blog post is going.

I sometimes feel like an inadequate writer / blogger because my posts are so random sometimes, and nonconsecutive. I stick to the saying that in order for a writer to get better, you have to write every day, and I feel that about any gift or talent – take a step every day towards something you want to accomplish, succeed in, keep alive. Yet, do I write every day? Honestly, no. And it pains me so much. How can I say I’m a writer, yet not do what I hold so strongly to? Yes, life happens, but isn’t there a way I can fit in what truly matters into my daily life?

And then I think…some of the greatest writers/bloggers I know don’t blog every day. They only hit the highlights, and they’re posts are truly meaningful, while I’m stuck here at my laptop, trying to concoct something, pulling poems from old journals so I can say that, yes, I in fact did have something to post onto the blog today. But what if I should just drop the whole “blog every day” thing, and just blog when there have been some major, significant thoughts instead of the modern-day ramblings of a writer? I’m pretty sure I’ve also posted something about this thought process as well. I reach this point, and tell myself that I don’t have to be like other writers – I don’t have to emulate everything other writers do in order for me to be a good, respected writer. I can take my time and craft out my thoughts, or I can sit down and write a real, messy bunch of words to post onto my blog.

There’s freedom in doing what I love; there is no formula. I just want to continue creating, writing, doing, moving forward in this.

And that’s a major fear I have about all of this writing – what if I put in the work, and nothing good comes from it? I honestly can’t really say / think that as someone who’s blog has truly grown in the past year since I’ve revamped it, worked on it, written so many thoughts, stories, posts, poems…There truly is growth in the work I’ve put in. So there should be no worries about not moving forward.

And even if there hasn’t been any growth, there shouldn’t be worries because God knows what He’s doing, even if I don’t know. There have been so many times I’ve written something, kind of just tossing it onto the page to post it, and someone was blessed by what I had to say, and I didn’t even think what I wrote was “important,” or “worthy enough” for someone to be touched by it. I’m blessed that God has been using me to speak, even when I didn’t think I was being used.

Don’t know where I was going with this post…I honestly think that there is a time every once in a while where I’ll just ramble on a page, hoping what I say makes sense, so I plaster the title “writer’s thoughts” onto it, and hope for the best!

These are things I’ve just been thinking. If you resonated with any of these thoughts, I’d love to hear which one(s), and how it resonated with you so please comment below, or email me, get in contact with me somehow, and we can chat it up!

Halfway through the week, yay! Ready to see what the rest of the week holds.

#MishyWrites 🦋✨