“feelings I wish I could express, but may never say in our lifetimes” – Day 2 of #12DaysofPoetry

On the 2nd day of poetry, Mishy gave to us…

“feelings I wish I could express, but may never say in our lifetimes”

I love you.

I know it’s probably too early for me to call that, but man,
When all I have are thoughts of admiration about you…
How you live your life for the Lord, and are always seeking to be in tune with Him…
How you’re always wanting to make sure everyone is comfortable and secure in any situation…
How you’re adventurous – you always wanna be somewhere new, go somewhere you’ve never been so you can do something you’ve never done,
Yet still pray and wait for the answer of such a desire…
How we never miss a beat; how I catch those little compliments you mutter under your breath,
And even though they’re fairly simple,
And have been said to me more than once,
Oh, boy, they’re still so sweet and
They just sweep me off my feet and
Leave me a little sort of bashful that I
Don’t know how to say a meaningful,
“thank you,”
Or even speak at all.

I never feel like I have to impress you, yet
I am more aware of what I look like,
How I’m acting,
When I’m around you.
Because I care about what you think of me, yes,
I want to be favorable in your eyes.
I know that’s not the meaning of life or love,
But I guess…I just want to know,
If you look at me sometimes the way I look at you with
Oh-so-much favor and
Respect and
Love.

Because, I mean, I know it’s kinda early to say it,
We’ve never even dated.
But I love you.
From the bottom of my heart,
I do.

~ written on May 27, 2017 at 12:28am

#MishyWrites #12DaysofPoetry

“in Love” – Day 1 of #12DaysofPoetry

On the 1st day of poetry, Mishy gave to us…

“in Love”

“Building up one another in love…”

I feel like Christians struggle with this as a concept because the word “love” is defined as something different.

In this world, we only love the people we like; we only love those who we think are attractive, who we think aren’t too loud or annoying or abrasive, yes,
The word “love” is only used to our own personal advantage or agenda.
Too often love is about ourselves, and not about others.
It’s not about sacrifice, but more about how it will benefit our lives.

But love was never meant to be this way.

It was never meant to be uprooted from the perfect example that Christ gave on the Cross, giving Himself up in our place.
Yet we took that beautiful flower by the streams of Living Water and
We potted it,
Enslaving it to how we want it to grow.
Confining it to the walls of our own definitions of what we know love to be.
Forgetting to water it when things weren’t going great, and instead, watering the weeds.
That poor plant of love left to our own devices didn’t stand a chance to bear fruit or seed…

How can we build one another up in love?

I think first we need to take ourselves out of the equation. We’re too stuck up in our feelings, too
Obsessed with our own frustrations that we forget other people’s emotions exist.
Instead of arms outstretched we
Hold our arms to our sides and
Tighten our fists,
Choking that love plant between our fingers and palm,
Denying that we’re seeing this love thing all wrong.

I admit that there are times I have decided not to love someone because of what they’ve done.
I hold it against them, holding back my love from them as if it were a punishment.
Then, I do something that I realize is worthy of the same judgment, yet
I feel no lack of love from those who strive to love me as Christ does.
Who am I to judge?
Who am I to withhold the love that is shown to me so faithfully on the daily?

No, it is not about me or you or
He or she or
They or we,
Our eyes should be fixed on Christ, first and foremost.
For we cannot build up one another in love without first building up the body of Christ
In which perfect love casts out fear.

oh beloved.

Be-loved. Be loved. Share love. Show love.

~ written on July 2, 2017 at 1:39pm

#MishyWrites #12DaysofPoetry

“The Caterpillar”

She thought that this was it.

She trudged along carrying the weight of all the things she thought would bring her joy;
All the things she thought truly mattered, and made her who she was.
Each expectation cradled fears of rejection, regret, and
Disappointment.
The suggestions of who she could be convinced her that
She could never be those things…
They seemed like distant dreams that someone
Braver than her,
Smarter than her,
More experienced than her,
Could accomplish and achieve.
Yet, she clung to them, hoping that maybe,
If she held onto them close enough,
Tight enough,
Something would stick; that one thing would
Magically transform her into more than just
The worm she grew used to being.

And something did drift closer…

How lovesick she became,
Continuing to lack in confidence,
And sinking
Deeper and deeper
Into the delusion that,
Yes,
This thing was who she could be,
It’s what could help define her meaning in the world.
It could encourage her in a solid direction instead of aimlessly wandering the streets,
Searching for any and everything to
Consume and
Fill her up and
Make her seem more defined and less doomed as a person…

~ Mishy

“Green Light”

Cheer (2x) Red light, yellow light, green light, GO!
I’m here, to let you know,
That Mishy is on her way
So GO AYE GO!

Red light, yellow light, green light, go.

You’re here to let me know that
Maybe I’m worth something more than
What I see myself to be.
Who, me?
You stand there with a stare that
Makes me want to melt into the ground
We’re standing on.
You make me feel things I’ve never felt before…
I feel your love with each finger of mine that you trace
While holding my hand.
Yet with each word you say I
Can’t help but wonder
If this ship will leave its dock on the coast to set sail or
Simply
Go under.

~ Mishy

*NEW WORDS ALERT: “The Butterfly” Project

Well, hello. Longtime, no write!

I feel like every time I’ve been gone from the blog for a long time, I always start out with how crazy things have been. And they have, indeed, been crazy; mostly in good ways, thankfully!

Most of you know what’s happening because I’ve been posting about it on Instagram every day for the past week, but to for those who don’t follow me on Instagram, and who don’t know…

Starting this Thursday, December 7th, aka MY BIRTHDAY, I am releasing the first part or chapter of this project entitled The Butterfly. I’ve been working on the poems incorporated into this for a very long time, and now I’m pleased that I’ll be dropping the first part for everyone to hear, read, experience.

That being said, I’ll be posting the written versions of both poems here on the blog, and uploading the audio versions to SoundCloud. I’m hoping to figure out how to get it on Spotify because I’ve had a few people ask me to do that.

While I’m extremely excited about this project, I’ll be honest, I’m also HELLA nervous. Putting so much effort into the work itself, and then also promoting it…whenever it gets really close to the day of a release, I start to second-guess myself. I start to wonder if I really put in 100% into the project, if I gave my all. I wonder if anyone will be disappointed to hear what I’ve created when it’s released because I hyped it up so much, and their expectations weren’t fulfilled. Doubt really starts to creep in, and fear longs to settle in my mind and heart.

But honestly, just like I’ve had to tell myself while I was in school…as long as I did my best, and I put in as much effort as I could, and I truly felt like the Lord was leading me to share this…I have nothing to fear. That doesn’t mean this project doesn’t have the potential to flop; it may very well. But that doesn’t mean I wasted my time. Through this project and process, I’m learning so much about myself, my writing, my voice, recording, promoting, everything.

And at the end of the day, these words are mine; first and foremost, I wrote them for me, to express myself and a part of who I am, and God allowed me to speak these things in an artistic way. The fact that anyone out there could somehow relate to it is a potential blessing.

So, in the next couple of days, expect some new spoken word words from me in the form of Part 1: The Caterpillar.

And also expect more blog posts because, geez, I miss doing this. LOL I always say that, but I don’t do it every day like I used to. I NEED TO BRING IT BACK, SOMEONE SEND HELP.

#MishyWrites 🦋✨

“no. 111517”

My feet shift under the quicksands of those too quick to commit,
And those too hesitant to even try.
I’ve fallen on my face one too many times and
I’m over it.
Yes, lessons were learned –
People came and went, some came back unexpectedly,
And yes,
I’m thankful for that.
How many times though do I need to find myself on my knees,
Asking God to please just have His way,
Knowing good and well that He’s going to, whether I like it or not?

The last time I adamantly prayed that prayer, you left.

And even though I convinced myself that I’d be okay,
That I’d be strong through it, and accept it for what it was,
I was weaker than I realized.

I crumbled.

And it took so long to rebuild myself again.
To allow the Lord to break me down just to show me what He could create in me,
Using me to mold something new.

Revealing someone I didn’t know lived inside of me.

And now that I it in this new skin,
This new form,
I can’t help but wonder sometimes who in the world could look at a creature like me and
Not be intimidated.
Who would dare take the risk of coming close to someone like me: someone so
Bold and beautiful,
Shining bright, laughing loud, speaking so much truth,
Who in their right minds would stand by my side,
Take my hand and
Love me?

Admittedly, there are days that the thought seems completely impossible.
But I know I have the comfort of my God,
Who knows my heart –
What it yearns for, what it needs –
He hears my questions,
My fears, my wonders,
He sees my fears,
And even though no one’s decided to
Step up and
Stand by me,
My God has always stood by me to gently tell me that
It is well. All is well with Him.
That He is capable of touching me deeper than anyone in this world ever could.
And even though my soul my waver between
It is well and
It is hard,
It is hurtful,
It is lonely…

I will wait.

#MishyWrites 🦋✨

pretty luvvy.

I looked at myself in the mirror today and
Realized that I haven’t seen myself as

Disgusting,
Ugly,
Worthless…

For quite some time.

I realized how it’s been a minute since I believed my
Brown skin was
Inferior to
White.
How I used to think my value lied in what I looked like compared to everyone else,
Rather than the fact that I am a

Beautiful creation,
Crafted by a wonderful Creator,
Destined to walk through those days of shame and hurt;
Days filled with questions like:

“When will they ever see me as enough?”
“When will I ever reach my full physical potential?”
“Maybe I’ll just glo up when I get older…?”

All those days lived through for me to
Learn to love myself,
To be in awe of my allure.

How freeing it is to know my beauty doesn’t rest in
The thoughts of boys and men.
How amazing it is to look at my face –
To admire my eyes, nose, lips, and mouth –
And not wish they weren’t mine.
To see myself in a glass over and over again and think,

“Wow…I am stunning.
I am gorgeous, flawless, graceful.
I am pretty.
I am worthy.”

These types of moments make up for all those days
Wishing I was someone
Other than myself.

Longing to look like someone else.

#MishyWrites 🦋✨